Goldilocks And The Three Bears

A “How It Should Have Ended” story for a classic fairy tale.

Once upon a time, in a forest far away, three bears lived in an upscale cabin in the woods. One of them, Junior, was a wee little cub of a bear that frequently got into mischief despite his father and mother trying their best to raise him the right way. Junior was so full of energy, and overflowing with questions about the world around them.

Momma bear kept a tidy home for her big Daddy bear and her adorable, but cantankerous little offspring. She spent much of her time sweeping, cleaning, and preparing meals for Daddy Bear. Daddy Bear was the protector of the threesome and often went out on the hunt, bringing back assorted fish and various fruits for his family.

Momma Bear was busy in the kitchen, undertaking her usual Sunday chores and preparing porridge for herself, Daddy Bear, and Junior Bear. They all had their own chairs around a quaint dining room table. Junior had a smaller chair, Momma had a medium-sized chair, and Daddy Bear had a chair fit for the king of the castle, or in this case, the cabin in the woods.

They were a happy family when Momma Bear’s porridge was done, and the Bear family went for a walk in the woods while their food cooled in its’ bowls. It was while they were away that a little human female named Goldilocks happened to come through the woods.

Goldilocks was constantly getting into trouble. She was often the reason for yelling echoing through the woodlands, her mother frequently having to scold her for doing this or that. The Bear family knew not what her mother meant when she yelled, “You took my cigarettes again, didn’t you, you little monster!”

Just the phrasing alone caused Momma Bear to put her oversized paws over her cub’s ears. She did not wish for Junior Bear to learn such vile language from the humans. She very much wanted to protect Junior from the violent yelling and screaming of the human tribe and kept him on their side of the forest.

Goldilocks possessed an insatiable curiosity, much the way Junior Bear did, and as she passed through the woods she couldn’t help but notice the strange home sitting by itself. She decided to take just a peek into the home and was amazed by how much nicer it was than the portable homes a couple of miles away.

Seeing nobody was home, Goldilocks tried the door and to her surprise, it opened. She didn’t know it, but why would bears have to lock up their home? The impudent little girl could have waited to meet the bears before entering their home and invading their privacy, but Goldilocks was not a well-raised child.

Goldilocks was hungry, and there was so much porridge on the table. Certainly, thought Goldilocks in her twisted way, they wouldn’t mind if she helped herself. Goldilocks decided to do just that and eat the bear’s porridge.

First, she tried Daddy Bear’s porridge. The taste did not agree with her, not one bit. It was so hot it nearly burned her tongue, and she compared it to what sawdust must taste like.

Next, Goldilocks tasted Momma Bear’s porridge.

“Yuck!” she grunted, forcing herself to swallow.

Finally, she tried the porridge in the smaller bowl, the bowl for Junior Bear. The taste was something special, like cinnamon and fruit, and the temperature was perfect. Goldilocks ate every single bite of the bear cub’s meal.

After all the adventure, Goldilocks went to find a place she could take a nap. She was an exhausted young lass and had been out partying a bit too much the night before. Sadly, the boys she was with didn’t let her get much sleep as they tormented little Goldilocks until she took another pack of her mom’s smokes.

Goldi found her way to the sleeping chambers of the three bears. She first tried Daddy Bear’s bed, and it was far too hard for a little princess such as Goldi. She found Momma Bear’s bed, but it was far too wimpy for her liking. When she found Junior Bear’s bed, Goldi thought that it was perfect and quickly fell asleep.

In the meantime, Daddy Bear and his family returned home and found that someone had been in their house.

“Somebody’s been eating my porridge,” said Daddy Bear, sniffing at Goldi’s odor. He heard his misses and his cub echoing the same sentiment, except for Junior’s porridge was all gone.

They fast went upstairs, following the scent, and found that their beds had been slept in. Junior repeated his father but added that there was someone still there. When Daddy Bear roared at the girl, he expected her to run fleeing into the woods.

Sadly, that was not the case. The sounds echoed around the mysterious home in the woods, but only Goldi knew from where they came. Not only had she taken her mother’s cigarettes, but she’d also taken the .44 Magnum that her father left her in his will.

Goldi stood up, looked at the horrible mess she had made, shrugged her shoulders, and left. She was still expected to pick up some apples for her mother to make a pie with, but that’s another story.