BIG IMPORTANT THOUGHTS

Going Straight to Hell: My Upcoming (Really Unpleasant) Near Death Experience

Do not pass go, do not collect $200

“Go straight to hell, Burg!”

I’ve heard that WAY more than once. You may have as well, probably minus the “Burg.” But, who knows, maybe that’s your last name too.

Cut to …

Some reading I was doing just now on near death experiences (NDEs).

And, while reading, something struck me. No, it was NOT a bolt of lightning. That will likely come later. Read on, you’ll see why.

All, and I mean all, the NDEs were pleasant, often extraordinarily pleasant. One might be tempted to say “heavenly” in fact.

Examples of immediate death throes raptures included:

• soft lights and smooth jazz
• reunions with dead relatives (apparently the ones we can’t stomach on Christmas get better when big chillin’)
• peace, love and joy (natch) AND Faith, Hope, and Charity (three girls I went to high school with)
• a dream date with Charlie’s Angels or the “dance” troop from The Thunder Down Under (pick one, and none o’ yer “prefer not to state” horseshit)
• non-stop orange chicken from Panda Express

You get the picture.

But …

All this pleasantness in the NDE realm would suggest, quite strongly in fact, that only good people die and have NDEs. And by “good” I mean, of course, those who’ve accepted Jesus H. Christ as their Lord and Savior.

So …

Because I’m a seriously twisted mofo, and my mind works in mysterious ways, I thought (troublesome though thinking is):

1️⃣ Haven’t any shit-heel non-believers (like me) died and had NDEs?

2️⃣ Where are their stories?

3️⃣ Don’t heathens (like me) go straight to Hell after death?

I began my web-based research with the last question first, and into Google I typethed “what happens when …?” You can guess the rest.

And, here’s the answer. Courtesy of these guys.

What happens to those who die without Jesus?

https://www.lwf.org › questions-and-answers › what-ha…

When a man dies without Jesus Christ as his Savior, his soul goes immediately to hell.

Without getting all fire and brimstone about it, I restate:

“When a man dies without Jesus Christ (What does the “H.” stand for anyway? And why is it sometimes there and sometimes not? Oh well, next story. If I live that long. Thoughts and prayers, people. Thoughts and prayers.) as his Savior, his soul goes immediately to hell.

That’s IMMEDIATELY, as in “right now”, “stat” and “RFN”, if we’re being especially emphatic about it.

So where’s the time for all the bad peoples’ NDEs?

Well, now as it turns out, I’m officially fucked.

According to a Google search for “bad NDE”, they do exist, and plentifully, perhaps even bountifully.

Here’s my takeaway from all my research (BTW, in case you haven’t guessed, this is the kind of “research” that leads some to drink urine in the hope that’ll it’ll prevent disease or freshen breath or build strong bodies 172,000 ways or whatever).

Good AND bad people die.

Some have NDEs.

The good ones have good NDEs. The bad ones have bad NDEs.

Going straight to hell is a thing.

But wait …

some people who weren’t good at time of death, had heavenly NDEs and returned to become good people. (more research I found thanks to Google)

When these bad people died, shouldn’t they have gone straight to Hell?

How did they have time for an NDE, either good or bad?

More research, coming soon.