Going Sober: The Unexpected Delight of Kicking the Habit
Sobriety has given me so much more than drinking ever claimed it would.
When I decided to quit drinking a couple of years ago, I was fully conscious of a number of certainties that this decision would lay at my doorstep. I knew, for instance, that it would be very, very hard to part ways with my old, fermented buddy, who had always been there to soothe and simultaneously ruin, albeit subtly, my weary heart and mind. I also knew that curing myself of the vice would take a decent chunk of time, during which I might frequently regret my decision, and my old habit would taunt me back to its alluring, deadly embrace.
I knew, too, that quitting was the only sane thing for me to do. I clung on tight to that one.
What I didn’t know about, however, were all of the hidden, delicious benefits that living an alcohol-free life could offer. As it happens, sober living trumps my old life by leaps and bounds.
Brain Function
I had an inkling that drinking regularly was affecting my brain function and ability to remember things — important things, too, like remembering to pay my credit card bill, or what happened in the last episode of The Walking Dead. As it happens, I was absolutely correct, although if you simply take a gander at any of the drunken Chads at the bar you can see how deeply drinking affects everything from your speech to your fine motor function.
But long term drinking has some serious effects on the ol’ noggin. You know your liver? The one responsible for filtering out all kinds of bad things in your body? Yeah. That poor little fella has a rough time in the body of an alcoholic, and even though your liver and your head are obviously in different bodily locations, drinking in extreme, long-term excess overtaxes your liver, which then sends bad blood back up to your brain. This can lead to hepatic encephalopathy, which causes difficulty sleeping, mood issues, anxiety and depression, shaky hands, coordination, and so on.
Thankfully, for most kinds of alcohol-related brain damage, quitting drinking can often halt and even reverse the effects to a large degree. This is good news — now, I can not only find my keys again, but I’ll likely avoid long term brain damage. Yay for both equally important things!
Weight Loss
Obviously, I knew that by not consuming a few hundred wasted calories every night that I would at least not gain any additional weight. I drank fairly heavily in my early twenties, after all, and was as slim as any metabolically-fortunate person could be — I wasn’t ‘fit,’ exactly, but I definitely wasn’t overweight.
In hindsight, I think my steady, healthy weight during my twenties might have just been the very real fact that I was in my twenties. In my experience, twenty-year old bodies can take a lot of abuse in this department; from a barrage of Macaroni and Cheese dinners to frequent high balls with lime, topped off with a daily, huge convenience store coffee with like, eight, International Delight creamers to take the edge off, I’m surprised I wasn’t obese. Or, dead, for that matter.
As the years crept on and I slowly became less active, my weight began to sneak up on me. Over about a decade, I had unwittingly gained about fifty or sixty pounds of real, solid, unmoving weight. There were several attempts at losing some of it over the years, but I never gave up drinking and the weight, likewise, refused to budge.
I began, as many would, to make the usual excuses:
- “I obviously have a slow metabolism,” I would insist, as I topped off my ‘healthy,’ antioxidant-and-calorie-rich bevvy of choice, red wine, for the third time.
- “I guess it’s harder to lose weight when you get older,” I would muse, after popping another hunk of cheese into my mouth.
I think you get my point.
It should have come as no surprise, then, that I lost weight pretty quickly after I quit drinking. And yet, I was surprised. The greatest push for me to continue down my newfound sobriety path was, oddly enough, the ease of that weight loss. That, and some of the other aesthetically-pleasing side effects of sobriety.
What can I say? We’re all at least a little bit vain.
The Fountain of Youth (and Beauty!)
Oddly enough, there is actually an alcoholic cocktail named the ‘Fountain of Youth.’ It is a blend of gin, white cranberry juice, and a splash of lime, and is garnished with some fresh cucumber slices — honestly, this is something I would have adored in my drinking days.
However, it is not so aptly named as nothing will age you or make you look more like an old crone than a drinking habit.
You know what really is the fountain of youth (besides the myth of the actual fountain of youth, which is somewhere in Florida?)
I think part of my obsession with drinking was due to this psychotic need I have to always have a drink in hand, or on the coaster in front of me. I’ve long since replaced my wine glass with a cold glass of water — and I’d be remiss if I didn’t include my two cups of coffee in the morning.
We can’t all be perfect.
But drinking that water all day and night instead of far too much wine has not only done wonders for my weight, but it’s made my skin glow — at least, comparatively. I’ve never moonlighted as a Noxzema model, but there’s been a definite improvement, complexionally (I may have just made up that word — I do that, sometimes.)
Besides my skin retaining a bit more elasticity and looking all together healthier, my teeth are whiter, thanks to not forever dealing with constant wine stains, and even the whites of my eyes are whiter. This phenomenon has to do with the liver finally being free to do its job without the added stress of consistent substance abuse.
Does the brilliance of the whites of my eyes matter much, in the grand scheme of things? Nah. But my overall appearance has gone from drab and gray to clear and bright, and it’s a change I’ll happily accept.
All the Good Feels
If you somehow needed yet more excuses to quit drinking: sobriety not only makes you look better, it makes sex better! Huzzah!
Alcohol is great for lessening the effects of your inhibitions and insecurities, but it also numbs certain…uh…intimate…?…nerve endings, causing you to actually feel less of the super fun activity than if you were sober.
Yeah. Read that again.
Most people in any sober squad will attest that, after experiencing both drunk and sober sex, the latter is hands down (har, har) the best experience for both parties.
Beyond that, ever since I quit drinking I’ve naturally felt better about myself, and this translates beautifully in the intimacy department. I am also more confident in my day to day conduct with people, more concerned about the welfare of others, and in general, I’ve genuinely become the best version of myself — and better at wearing all the different hats I wear, daily, such as ‘Mommy,’ ‘Wife,’ and ‘Writer’ — that I can be.
In short, I’ve grown immeasurably happier in all respects (wink, wink) and staved off any and all unwelcome feelings of shame.
Byeee, Shame!
I didn’t realize how much shame I dragged along with me in life until I stopped drinking. Shame, especially when you’re an addict, is a powerful, dreadful feeling that manifests in many different ways, and it can be debilitating.
I felt near-constant shame about not just my drinking habit — which I frequently made light of and omitted much of in a vain attempt to mask the terrible truth — but about so many of my past actions and transgressions, despite them being long since concluded.
I felt shame when ordering the 9-ounce glass of wine over the 6-ounce glass in a restaurant, and again for drinking more when I got home.
I felt immense shame about driving home after even a single glass of wine, especially as I am good friends with a wonderful woman whose mother was hit and killed by a drunk driver.
I felt deep shame, too, when a friend kindly and subtly let me know that she could smell the alcohol on my breath after I sneakily took part in the popular act of ‘pre-drinking’ — which is probably not so common among adults past the age of twenty-two — before going out with friends.
I felt shame walking through the doors to the liquor store on a near-daily basis, and yet more shame when I looked over my meagre bank statements every month.
Now that I’m no longer a slave to my habit, I’m free of shame — I’m also free to be bold, honest and brave, because I’m no longer hiding the nasty vice that drained not only my self-confidence and worth, but my savings accounts, completely dry.
Moolah
I’m not going to go into the dark n’ dirty details about how much my drinking cost me, partly because I’d rather not delve into the gloomy past, but also because everyone knows that all vices cost a decent chunk of change.
The fact that I clearly save a lot more money by not drinking is no great surprise, but I did some quick math (by which I obviously mean that I used the calculator) and it’s generally around $450 a month, give or take. To put that into perspective, the average adult who goes out for meals once a week or so should be spending somewhere around $280 per month for groceries.
And there I was, spending nearly twice that amount, on a liquid poison that would slowly drop-kick me into an early grave.
So yes, I’ve reeled in that pointless spending and financially, I’m better off than I have ever been. My only regret is not doing it sooner.
#couplegoals
Without a doubt, my husband and I would probably be divorced by now if I’d continued down the path to ruin.
Regular drinking is probably one of the main causes of relationship death for substance abusers, and my own history positively reeks of decay. My past relationships curled up and died pitifully due to my selfishness and lack of empathy for the men I was supposed to be loving. My marriage, obviously, was suffering the same fate and would soon keel over, too, if I didn’t do something.
Thankfully, my husband is a rock. He toughed it out through that lengthy rough patch, and ever since I quit drinking, our relationship has been successfully rejuvenated in every single way. We are one of the healthiest couples we know, and our kids are fortunate enough to see, first hand, what a loving, healthy commitment looks like.
Parenthood
This is probably a no-brainer, but not drinking made me a better parent. Have you ever tried to run after a toddler at the park while simultaneously nursing a hangover?
No easy feat, I tell you.
Besides having more energy and patience for my kids, I’m more present with them — I am able to just exist with them and watch them as they learn and grow. Have you ever watched a baby try to stack some blocks for the first time? Genuinely just watching, marvelling at how their little brains whir and buzz as they figure out this seemingly intricate task?
It’s beautiful.
When I was drinking, I literally couldn’t manage to sit still and just ‘be.’ There is no more bitterness about the events of the previous day or night, and no more fuzziness about my behaviour or ramifications of that behaviour. No sickly feelings of dread, no anxiety about the coming work day or future social events.
Looking back, I can’t believe I lived that way for so long.
Being able to really witness my kids growing up has been an enlightening, mind-blowing experience that I’m so grateful for, I could just crumple into a heap and ugly cry great big tears of sheer joy.
My Life ‘Exploded!’
One of Hollywood’s greatest treasures, actress and writer Jamie Lee Curtis, has frequently been candid about her sobriety, and she nailed the experience of getting sober directly on its head when she said:
“Getting sober just exploded my life. Now I have a much clearer sense of myself and what I can and can’t do. I am more successful than I have ever been. I feel very positive where I never did before, and I think that’s all a direct result of getting sober.” — Jamie Lee Curtis
Every single word in that sentence describes sobriety for me, but the most vivid truth in there is that life exploded when I got sober. Going back to drinking is, frankly, never going to happen — my life blew up with colour and beauty and light just by putting down the bottle of poison.
Never. Again.
I knew getting sober was necessary; I just had no idea how beautiful it could be. If you are currently trying to get clean or think you might try, hang in there — when your life explodes, too, you’ll know you made the right choice!
Are you struggling with substance abuse? Find help in Canada here.
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