Going Nowhere

Some people scare me. Trust me, there are some bad people in the world. I am not a saint myself but I know from experience what people are capable of. Most of the time modern human behavior is triggered by love and money or the lack of it.

Always being broke and feeling lonely can turn you into a different human being if it brings hidden darkness in you to life.

I have always been a sucker for love or at least the concept, but up until now, I have met only one pure and good person during my 50 years on this planet. Unfortunately, she left me. It’s really a shame she’s nuts but aren’t we all in some way?

It’s so weird being noticed again. Two of the many things I like about Lisbon are that people greet you and that the city breaths football — you play it with your feet, not with your hands. Even in my favorite coffee bar at the Entrecampos railway station, where it can be extremely busy, people actually talk to me. A pretty strange sensation after 7 months Bucharest, where people are rude and nobody trusts anybody, give and take a few exceptions of course.

“Good morning beautiful,” I said in my best Portuguese. “Good morning Hazard. Coffee?” (She was referring to Eden Hazard, one of the best Belgian football players ever.) “Sure let’s start with a coffee. By the way, you feel like doing a little Ronaldo today?” (The world-famous Portuguese football player Cristiano Ronaldo had been accused of raping an American woman in the ass. The alleged victim called it 7 minutes of horror. The case would never go to court.) The waitress smiled but said: “No way!” One day she’ll say yes, it’s just a matter of time.

Before I went to my new workplace I made another quick stop in a little place I love to visit down the road. I had another coffee and a croissant. A cigarette. Looking at the women passing by. Some of them smiled at me. No need to use my sales techniques nor my poetic skills. This is going to be easy.

The December sun was making love to me. Warm. So much energy. I never realized how much I need sunlight. This might turn out to be great again. About time. Good thing I didn’t jump. Plenty of time for that.

Poor people

Just one thing. Poverty. Doesn’t anybody see this huge black cloud over Europe? Everywhere I go I meet poverty. Strangers on the streets begging me for a cigarette. Man, women, and kids in Sofia and Bucharest looking for food or things they can use in garbage containers. There’s something wrong with modern society. This world is going to hell.

Poor people disgust me and more important they scare me. If you got nothing to lose, it’s not hard to risk everything. A thing the rich don’t seem to get is that eventually, they will lose everything. Especially now, when they’re also wiping out the middle class. Sooner or later they will have isolated themselves to such extent that there won’t be any turning back.

When the time comes, the inevitable revolution will hit them like an attack of killer wasps. No matter how big they are, no alarm system, no security guard, and nog gun are going to prevent things from happening. It’s going to hurt and most probably they will die.

History always repeats itself. Humankind seldom learns. People will take what they were made to believe they need. So, if you belong to the rich in the world, you might consider some giving before you got nothing left to give.

I finished my cigarette and went to work. I had bills to pay.

Dream of the bear

That night I had a dream. When I woke up I was afraid to open my eyes. For some reason, I was back together with my second ex-wife. (I have three.) Nothing wrong with having sex with her, she’s always been open-minded, but living together with her? No.

Things had gotten worse. She had had the brilliant idea of keeping a huge bear as a pet. I felt sorry for the beast. Poor animal.

Eventually, I will have to open my eyes.

Damn. I was still there. The seven cats were staring at me so I looked right back at them. I checked out the left side of the huge bed and yes there she was, naked, and still breathing. She’s actually still sexy when she’s sleeping. I decided to wake her up. I put my right hand between her legs. It worked. Some things never change.

“Is the bear still there?” I asked. “Why don’t you open the door and check it out for yourself?” So I did, very carefully, hoping I’d woken up from the nightmare. No such luck. The beast was still there. “For fuck sake woman. Are you insane? Sooner or later that bear is going to break free and kill us. Why on earth do you want to keep it in the house?” “Because I love it,” she said. “So why not set it free? It’s obviously not happy, I mean, would you be?” “I can’t,” she said. “I love it, I need it, I want it, and I will get away with it.” “It’s going to kill you,” I said. “Mark my words; or worse, it’s going to destroy me, eat me alive.” “Imagine,” she said. She had a mean look in her eyes. “Honey, that animal is going crazy. Let it go. Set it free.” “No.” “Fuck it,” I said, “I will do it myself.” I opened the door but closed it immediately. The damn bear almost bit me. “This is not going to work. You deal with it. I am out of here.” “Phil, come back to bed. It’s okay. You’re fighting demons only you can see. Calm down.” “Leave me alone woman. I am going away.”