Travel — Relationships
Going Home
You can go back again

The alarm goes off at 0400. I’m used to it, but it never gets easier. Today’s different, though I've set it by choice.
I shaved the night before to save time and am happy for the extra couple of minutes as I stumble through making coffee and eating.
I check to see if my flight is on time. It is. I’m flying space available, so I check for the 1000th time to see if there’ll be a seat. There is. So far…
It’s never a sure thing, and always a last-minute relief to get on.
Everyone tells me how fortunate I am to get to do this. They’re right, but in these moments I wonder.
The TSA line is long, but moving. It’s always hot in this line, and I start to sweat. Do they notice? Do they care? I get to the gate and say hi to the agent. I get asked the same question I always do; “where are you going?” The coffee isn’t kicking in yet, so I just mumble “PDX” (Portland, Or).
The countdown to departure begins, and as the clock runs down, my blood pressure goes up. The gatehouse starts to get crowded — every one of those people lowering the odds of me making this flight.
For the 1001st time, I check the standby list and repeat it every 10 seconds for the next 15 minutes. Finally, my name is called, and I can exhale.
I watch the ramp crew — my coworkers — finish loading the flight and push it off the gate for departure. Every flight is a race against time. Today they win. Mine is a small airport, and the taxi times are short. We do a rolling takeoff and are in the air within 5 minutes.
I have a backpack full of magazines to catch up on, a fistful of articles I have saved just for this uninterrupted time, so I…immediately fall asleep. I have an almost perfect track record of doing this, yet I persist. You’d think I’d learn. My connection is a blur of humanity, and the departure process repeats itself. Once back in the air, I manage to play one game of chess (spoiler alert: I lost), and listen to a few songs. The InFlight Studio has hours of programming but for my money, looking out the window is still the best in-flight entertainment.
Depending on the approach, we may fly right by Mt. Hood-the mightiest of all the Cascade peaks. If it’s clear, we’ll get close enough to see skiers schussing down Timberline’s Palmer Glacier.
I’m in luck. Nose pressed against the window, I see them- from here, they look like ants, and it’s amazing. I exit the terminal and immediately smell the Pacific Northwest air. It’s hard to describe but is unmistakable. Novel and familiar all at once.
I get my car and start driving- I don’t recognize anything, but know exactly where I’m going. I don’t even mind the bloodsport that is PDX traffic. Being here just feels that good.
122nd… Lloyd Center… Sylvan… Each sign whizzing overhead brings me closer.
Finally, my exit. I pass through what was farmland, now a strip mall Babylon. Past a small shoe company called Nike. I get to my neighborhood and turn in. My mom is waiting in the driveway the same way she has a hundred times before.
I’m home.
