Going Home

And Living An Intentional Life

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Have you noticed an increase in stress or anxiety with trying to do what used to be “normal?”

I thought about this, and the reasons that I might be nervous to ride my bike to a meeting at the beginning of the week.

Over the weekend prior, the country, and on a smaller scale, the city where I live, had exploded with protests in reaction to news of police brutality deaths and obvious racism towards Black people.

As a Caucasian light skinned woman, and on a smaller scale, a Jewish woman, it’s not easy navigating through life. Many times, the “woman” part makes me feel singled out. Specifically, I feel like I am being watched, and I stopped wearing bright colored hats or outfits because they stuck out.

People would tell me later they knew it was me who they saw because of my hat. It wouldn’t matter if I was walking somewhere or riding my bicycle.

The behaviors, usually of men, tend to make me feel uncomfortable as I travel by myself. Uncomfortable, because I feel like they want something from me physically, don’t care who I am, and sometimes will be aggressive towards getting the results.

Although my fears reflect current problems, I am aware my personal realities are on a smaller scale. I am still privileged because of my lighter skin tone.

I am aware and intend to use my voice where appropriate to speak out about #blacklivesmatter.

Given this, I did not choose to participate in protests. Plus, at this point in the week, the local protests had concluded peacefully.

As I pedaled through the Downtown area, I thought about the protesters and potential unwanted rioters I had heard might invade the town that night.

I noted the guy loudly singing off-key while sitting on the steps of a building across the street.

Just past the Downtown area, I stopped on a bridge to take a picture of the river view. A view I had previously captured during the high colors of Fall.

It felt important to stop and reflect on the beauty of the view and how it had changed along with the season.

Nothing stays static for long.

When I stopped, I also noted the cancellation message on my phone, and that I would not be meeting with anyone after all, and now there were known threats to the area.

As I shook my head and sighed, remembering WHY I tend to make it a point to confirm meetings, I knew I had skipped the confirmation on purpose.

I continued on towards the destination, only a short distance left to reach the building. I wanted to take a breather and check things out before riding home.

I thought that my nervousness had to do with needing to REACH the destination and being able to SEE that everything was ok.

Although I entered an empty (of people) building, someone did show up before I left. THAT conversation with the second person, even through masks, made the experience closer to what used to be “normal.”

I was happy to see and talk to someone who I knew in a conversation that had a familiar pattern. I knew that person was doing ok, and a “normal” thing to do three months earlier would have been to stay in the building and continue chatting or working on a project.

Before the lockdown that began at the end of March 2020, I made it a point to be at the building at least once and as often as four times a week. Going there gave me a regular outing and place to interact with people. Although video meetups helped, I have missed in-person interactions.

Because of the high number of cases and deaths in Michigan, the Governor is just starting to expand the businesses allowed to reopen.

Although the first day I could be in that building again, I did not want to stay. My anxiety had deepened from the earlier phone message, propelling my motivation to leave asap towards home.

How the Food Based Cleanse Relates

What I keep returning to and thinking about most, is the experience of participating in a Springtime food based cleanse.

Specifically, how the cleanse is designed with simple, basic meals to allow deeper processing for all systems.

The result is the chance to move closer to our personal “HOME” and life purpose.

Even though the creativity surge is not quite as high as it was a month ago, I am wearing tops that were too small a year ago. I am pulling my belt tight enough to indicate I probably could wear a smaller pant size.

As things begin to open up, such as the building I journeyed to, it means old habits may return.

My personal environment will be less protected.

For example, I feel safe going to the grocery store because it is set up for people to follow the guidelines once they enter the building, from the number of people in the store to sanitizing carts or wearing gloves.

Many places began with less enforcement than where I go grocery shopping. As the need for restrictions decreases, the feeling of safety returns to coming from the general environment.

The general environment where I already felt watched. And on something like the bus, crowded.

The discussion about favorite restaurants and missed food will soon turn into sharing experiences of eating at those places again.

There will be a determination for many to return to what was “normal” before lockdown.

What there will be moving forward is a new form of “normal.” I hope some of the lockdown guidelines stick.

“One is not born into the world to do everything but to do something.”

Henry David Thoreau

Do we really want to return to what “was” normal?

“Normal” means systemic racism, among other “isms.” For example, the death of George Floyd at the hands of Minneapolis police in Minnesota.

Normal means police brutality in response to peaceful protesters. George Floyd’s death prompted PEACEFUL protests across the United States, including Kalamazoo, the city where I live. Tear gas and rubber bullets came in response to protests later that night.

One day later, the city leaders here imposed a curfew and asked the National Guard to maintain a central downtown area. Thankfully, this lasted less than two nights.

Normal means chaos, brain fog, and not having a direction.

Normal means being in a constant reactionary mode, supporting the chaos, brain fog, and lack of direction.

Normal means being overweight and consistently under the weather, driving the increase in doctor appointments, prescription (at least) medications, and high medical bills.

Normal means self medication through addictive use of social media, alcohol and other substances, and repeating anything that provides an immediate pleasure.

Normal means a high amount of anger and aggression, sadness and isolation, or fearfulness towards doing anything. Think of fight, flight, or freeze.

Normal means restarting from a level of the insecurity felt nationwide, such as this study suggests.

Going Home

As best as possible, I choose to continue towards my personal home path, and leave as many of the familiar road signs behind me as I can.

I choose to REACH towards a purpose beyond the immediate pleasures in life.

I choose to keep improving myself and motivating others to do the same through sharing my journey.

I choose to stay aware and listen, knowing there is always more to learn. In fact, it’s more obvious lately how much I am NOT aware of as I learn or listen as often as possible.

I choose to be intentional in my path, and that includes helping others where I can, especially when they are doing the same.

I choose to find the joy. I also will seek community and movement.

I choose to continue to change my “normal.” I’m going to continue to step out of my comfort zone. I’ll be sharing my journey along the way so others can be inspired to do the same.

What is your choice?

If you want to hear some of my thoughts about this post, click the video link below.