Going for alcohol-free beer: A silly experience

Summary

A dietitian celebrates completing a 31-day alcohol-free challenge with an alcohol-free beer, only to realize it was actually a gluten-free beer, not alcohol-free.

Abstract

The author, a dietitian, embarks on an alcohol-free challenge for the month of October, coinciding with the UK's 'Stoptober' campaign. On the final day of the challenge, the author decides to celebrate with an alcohol-free beer, believing it to be a fitting conclusion. At the local grocery store, the author quickly finds an Italian beer labeled 'FREE', assuming it to be alcohol-free. After enjoying a spaghetti bolognese dinner with his wife, the author pours the beer into a special glass, relishing the malty taste and the placebo effect of feeling like he's drinking a regular beer. However, upon closer inspection of the bottle, it turns out the beer is gluten-free, not alcohol-free, leading to a moment of surprise and bemusement.

Opinions

The author views the challenge as a personal accomplishment, indicating a sense of pride and self-congratulation.
The author has a preference for specific products, such as the Italian beer, suggesting brand loyalty or a discerning palate.
The author expresses a playful tone when realizing the mix-up, showing a light-hearted approach to the mistake.
The author implies that the placebo effect of the gluten-free beer is surprisingly potent, highlighting an interest in the psychological aspects of consumption.
The mention of the 'new normal' in relation to watching TV during lockdown hints at a critical view of how habits can change during extraordinary circumstances.

Always read the label — C.A.R.E.F.U.L.L.Y.

Shopping these days is a speedy affair; mask on, shopping list in hand, grab-and-go. While outside the local grocery store, I feel this need-for-speed rise through my cold bones as I wait my turn. One out, one in — and as the queue shortens, the tension builds.

I’m almost in. I’ll be as quick as I can.

The date was October 31, which is not only Halloween and the birthday of one of my best friends — shout out to Panny — it’s also the final day of ‘Stoptober’. If you’re unfamiliar, Stoptober is a public health campaign in the UK that encourages people to quit smoking for the month.

I don’t smoke, alcohol is my vice. So, as a personal challenge, I decided to be alcohol-free for 31 days. On October 31, I had a bright idea, genius, really. Why not celebrate going alcohol free for a month by having an alcohol free beer on the final day of the challenge? It’s poetic — and I’m guessing a tasty experience too. Win, win.

Back to the grocery store

Mask on. I’m in.

It’s a small store with only two aisles. I’m a regular, so I know the exact place for every item on my list, excluding the alcohol-free beer — obviously! Switching my head from side to side, and scanning the shelves like the original Terminator on the hunt for Sarah Connor, I see it.

Excellent, it’s the Italian beer I love too, only this is slightly different. It has a blue label with the clearly written words ‘FREE’. Perfect, as I was beginning to doubt they even stocked the alcohol-free stuff.

I pay for my goods and joyfully trot on home, just a few minutes away.

Dinner time with the wife

I’m the primary cook in the household. I’m a dietitian by trade, so for me, food is the name of the game.

I serve up traditional spaghetti bolognese. I hand a bowl over to my wife, and we pop ourselves in front of the TV — another bad lockdown habit that’s become our new normal. I pour my drink into one of those posh craft beer glasses, the kind that infinitely multiplies the beer’s flavour factor, and I take a celebratory sip. Nice, not the same as the original stuff, but it’s got that malty beer taste. Yum.

I made it! I completed my 31-day alcohol-free challenge. Congratulations to me! Well, sort of.

As I continue my drink, I start to notice my body relaxing along with that slightly mind-altering tingling effect I’m familiar with. Surprised, I say to my Mrs, “It’s amazing, the placebo of drinking one of these beers. I actually feel like I’m drinking a normal beer.” The moments pass, I’m deep into my pasta bowl, and approaching the bottom half of my beer glass.

I begin to wonder, “Gosh. This really does feel like I’m drinking a standard beer. This is so weird.” Bemused I pick up the beer bottle to take a closer look. Winking back at me, the label reads, ‘Gluten Free’.

Short Story | Life Lesson

Going for alcohol-free beer: A silly experience

Always read the label — C.A.R.E.F.U.L.L.Y.

Back to the grocery store

Dinner time with the wife