CURRENT STATE OF EARTH AFFAIRS

God Should Have Known the Gun Was Loaded

But He was far too busy looking the other way

Planet Earth is the poster child for “God hadn’t a clue the gun was loaded.” This is also known in these parts as an experiment gone terribly wrong.

In His defense, though, He was a little bored and was casting about for some fresh entertainment. Also, this day was not one of His think-ahead days, more like one of His go-with-the-first-impulse days and there’s no telling where such a day that might end up.

God had been messing about with a couple of new energy frequencies that held much entertainment promise. One he had called pain, the other he had called sex.

His critters would not like pain, and so they’d run away from the threat of it as fast as they could, but they would like sex, and so they’d run in the opposite direction, as fast as they could. A lot of critters running back and forth should be fun, He thought, hurting from the one and hurting for the other. God felt really clever about that one.

Now to show and teach them what these frequencies mean and to make sure they really would feel both the pain and the sex, and but good. This was an important aspect of His experiment for sometimes His creations dared to develop a will of their own and would then disagree with Him, you see, and might not like to be shown and taught to feel what they did not want to feel.

Could not have that.

But as a rule, these disagreements did not last for very long, since God being God can be very persuasive when He has to be.

So he taught them well, hook-line-and-sinker well. Successfully, Godly one might say.

So now, all primed and agreed — even if at Divine Gunpoint — let’s let the critters out to roam the freshly minted Earth and hurt and procreate and let Me sit back and enjoy the show, thought God, putting up his legs on the Godly ottoman.

Fast forward a few billion years and God is no longer so jovial about this mess. Sometimes He even almost admits to Himself that He might have been wrong about all this, if, that is, God could ever be wrong, which, of course, He cannot, that’s a given.

That would make Him imperfect. And He is very far from IM-perfect. He’s just the opposite. This is a well-known fact.

Still, He doesn’t feel so good about our little planet anymore. For one, He had not predicted so much painful killing — some, if not most of it in His name, to make Godly matters worse.

In a moment of weakness, He thought He probably should have seen this coming. Then He unthought this. Doubt is not good for Godly health.

Still, if something has to die for something else to live — and those were the rules and as good a definition as any of the zero-sum game (the eat or be eaten thing) He had so carefully designed — well, He should have seen that this law would eventually expand and morph into: someone has to lose for someone else to win, and that lose would often expand and morph into die.

Kill to win, in other words. Earth’s new motto. Not what He intended. Well, of course He intended it or it would not have happened, but do NOT remind him of that if you value your hide.

Still, the fact remains, and now stares into His Godly face: He had not seen this coming but should have and now He has to tell Himself that he chose not to see it coming for, again, He can never be wrong and “should have” seems awfully close to admitting to a Godly shortcoming as far as He’s concerned.

The Heavenly bottom line: He doesn’t feel too good about His experiment anymore, or about this mess we call our Earth.

Killing for food, well, that was the entertainment part, for there has to be a winner (eater) and a loser (eatee), and what’s a little pain and blood and torn throats between hungry critters?

And copulating for progeny, well, that was fun to watch, too — especially the vicious fighting among suitors for the right to mount, as it were; the winner often killing the loser for a Godly double whammy — although by now a little boring. A billion or two years of the same tends to bore even Mr. Patient Himself.

But what about all the killing not for food but seemingly just for fun, or out of sheer greed, or (as they often rally) “for God,” what about that? Should He have seen that coming? Possibly, but for the sake of the game (that is to say, entertainment) He chose not to, is what He tells himself these days. And often.

But millions and millions slaughtered in His Name?

A bit, even for God, hard to swallow. And perhaps He had gone a little overboard with this sex thing, too, for now He comes to find out there are millions and millions and millions of His believers no less (in His role of Allah), who expect Heaven to be brimful with untainted virgins (twenty or so per male soul is the going estimate) standing by and willing to spread wide for entry. Where on earth did they get that from?

God shakes His Head a lot these days.

Still, He is an Expert at looking the other way, and look the other way He does, even if the planet is screaming for His Help.

I help those who help themselves, He reminds Himself, and again, and again. They should have caught on to that by now.

Here’s the question: Did He know the gun was loaded? There is nothing God, the all-knowing, does not know, at least not unwillingly, so we’re back to the “I meant to do that” thing even if there are some flickering Godly Doubts about that these days.

All things considered, however, the Earthly state of affairs, as far as God is concerned, is fast approaching clean-the-slate-and-start-over time, probably by directing some very, very large heavenly (not Heavenly) body (say an asteroid the size of Rhode Island, that should do the trick) toward Earth and have it impact and clean the slate but good.

Too bad, really, but (He’s shaking His head) there seems to be nothing for it, things just can’t go on like this. He’s looking around for a sink to wash His Hands of this Earth in.

But, then again (and now He is nodding His head, hopefully like, while rinsing away), if He stands back and does nothing for a century or two, perhaps these critters will do the slate-cleaning job for Him. They seem intent on wiping themselves out.

Yeah (drying His hands now), that’s the ticket. That’s the way to go. Look the other way some more, a few hundred years give or take, and this place should be ready for re-population and We (the Godly We) will use a different approach this time. Less pain, if any, and perhaps no sex.

Oh, well. One lives and learns.

Hands all dry now.

© Wolfstuff