Summary

"Goats: The Musical" is an unconventional and controversial community theatre production that combines themes of sex, drugs, violence, and prison life, receiving a mixed review for its acting, music, and costumes.

Abstract

"Goats: The Musical" is a unique theatrical experience that deviates significantly from traditional musicals. Set in a prison, it explores themes typically avoided in mainstream theatre, such as drug addiction and bestiality. The reviewer, initially skeptical, was impressed by the actors' commitment to their roles but criticized the lengthy and repetitive musical numbers. The production faced challenges due to PETA's intervention, which led to the use of costumes instead of live goats. Despite the musical's shortcomings, particularly in its overly long drum solos and some costume safety concerns, the reviewer acknowledges the show's bold artistic choices and recommends it to a niche audience with a tolerance for the avant-garde and unorthodox.

Opinions

The reviewer was impressed by the actors' ability to embody goats, rating their performance 5 stars.
The music component of the show was a letdown, with specific pieces like the sheepskin bongo solo and the a cappella version of Baby S̶h̶a̶r̶k̶ Goat being noted as underwhelming or excessive.
The costumes were adequate despite the last-minute changes due to PETA's restrictions, although there were concerns about the safety of the horns used.
The production's overall rating was 3.5 stars, suggesting that while it had merit, it may not appeal to the broad audience due to its explicit and dark content.
The reviewer humorously notes the absence of popcorn and the provision of petting zoo food, indicating a contrast between typical theatre snacks and the show's unconventional nature.
The directors, Iva Van Fulladrugs and Lissa Taykem-Now, are portrayed as unapologetically avant-garde artists who prioritize their creative vision over mainstream appeal.

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Goats: The Musical

A review

**One of the performers method acting at the park across the road.** Photo by Sharon Carr on Unsplash

I’m not normally a theatre goer.

Especially not a musical theatre goer. But Adam Robinson insisted I go and review some musical about goats for Doctor Funny. He claims it is for the ‘monthly prompt,’ but I reckon he just wants to know if the audience members are suitably unhinged enough that he might be able to pick up.

So last Tuesday I strolled down to my local community theatre: The Westie Broads, for the matinee showing of Goats: The Musical.

Established in late 2021 during the heart of the COVID lockdowns in Australia, The Westie Broads were formed by Directors Iva Van Fulladrugs and Lissa Taykem-Now.

Iva recently graduated from the Sydney Private School of Pretentious Pissheads, and Lissa was an alumnus of Ponzi Park Penitentiary, where she completed a Bachelor of Creative Farts.

Lissa claims the creative vision for Goats: The Musical was conceived during a late-night farming mishap in the Penitentiary’s community garden.

I managed to interview Iva and Lissa briefly before the performance.

Me: The Reviewer (Rev): I have to address the elephant in the room, is this show a rip-off of Cats?

Iva Van Fulladrugs (IVF): What elephant? Fucking PETA got wind we were gunna use real goats for the performance and lobbied the local government to cancel us.

Lissa Taykem-Now (LTN): Those losers wouldn’t know art if it bit them in the face and gave them tetanus. Now we gotta use bloody costumes for the sex scenes.

Rev: There’s sex scenes?

LTN: Oh yeah. You ever heard the phrase rootin’ like rabbits?

Rev: Yes.

LTN: Well you ain’t never seen a goat on ice. And I’m not talking Disney ice.

Rev: Right. Thanks for clarifying. Tell me a little more about the story.

LTN: You ever seen Prison Break?

Rev: I think I watched the first season, before it got a bit repetitive.

LTN: Well picture Prison Break, but with goats. And more sex, drugs and violence.

Rev: OK, so it’s definitely not a rip-off of Cats.

IVF: Bro, we hate cats.

Rev: Even kittens?

IVF: Especially kittens. We are artists, bro. We ain’t got time for fuckin’ felines.

Rev: Wow. I never knew anyone hated kittens.

LTN: You ever seen The Lion King?

Rev: Yeah. I mean, who hasn’t?

LTN: Well picture The Lion King, but everyone dies at the end. Mostly suicide. Like Shakespeare meets The Tiger King.

Rev: Geez, that’s a bit grim. Is that what happens in Goats: The Musical?

LTN: Nah. Just thought you’d appreciate it. That’s art.

IVF: That’s art, bro.

Rev: Right. Can I get some popcorn?

IVF: We don’t do popcorn, you Hollywood hack. Here, have this.

Iva handed me a 20kg sack of sub-premium grade petting zoo food and led me to my seat. I spent the next six and a half hours utterly mesmerised, terrified and with a severe case of the trots.

I s’pose I should do the review bit.

Acting: 5 stars

I have to hand it to the performers. They really know how to act like goats. No kidding.

This was one of the performers laughing during a humorous scene about methamphetamine addiction:

This was another performer after he found out the PETA was visiting the prison to investigate the sudden surge in STDs among goat and human inmates.

Music: 2 stars

Unfortunately for Iva and Lissa, the music let this performance down. It started well, with some gentle and uplifting shanties about prison rape and ‘shanking,' but went downhill from there. The 45 minute drum solo played on sheepskin bongos as a revenge anthem against Baa Baa the Crack Sheep was at least nine minutes too long.

And while the a cappella version of Baby S̶h̶a̶r̶k̶ Goat really captured the drama of a prison yard childbirth, (Goat) Fetus on a Leash lacked the requisite power a song such as this demands.

Costume: 3 stars

I can’t be too harsh on the production here, given the 'unfair restrictions' PETA put on head of wardrobe design Luvsa Seaquinn. The goat heads were a little macabre, and OH&S might want to take a look at the horn sharpness (there were several unintentional gouging incidents during the performance), but overall they did the job.

The decision to replace standard prison jumpsuits with orange bikinis, mankinis and goatkinis was a bold one, but the audience did seem to appreciate it, judging by his frothing at the mouth. And credit to Luvsa for the durability of the costumes. They held up remarkably well during the three-hour tantric mud wrestling scene.

Overall: 3.5 stars

Would I recommend this musical to others? If you have seven hours to kill, a fondness for semi-nude goat erotica and heartwarming prison redemption tales, then yes. But byo snacks. Gotta run.

Fired up for more musical madness? Try this:

I Was Almost a Rock God and Will Happily Tell You at Every Opportunity

Don’t let my clean shaven looks and collared shirt fool you, this body was built to shred

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