Goal Setting Made Me Anxious

Here’s what I do instead

Goal setting used to make me anxious. I would set goals like “finish a half marathon,” “lose 10kg,” or “save 5000€”. Then I stressed myself not only about achieving these goals but also about the goal-setting process itself.

Take, for example, the “A” and “R” in the famous “SMART” goal concept, which states that your goals should be specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound.

My mind was ruminating not for hours, but days. Weeks even.

What was “attainable” and “realistic?” Did I set my goal correctly? Was it realistic that I wanted to run a marathon? I didn’t know. I’d never done it before. So how should I know if this goal is attainable? For me? What timeline do I need to set? What if I don’t achieve it? Oh my gosh, it would take so long!

I would think myself into a panic.

Besides, I found it very hard to keep my inner critic silenced. For example, when I wanted to lose weight. Each day I stepped on the scale, the inner critic would tell me that I am still too fat and — oh my gosh, I must be so stupid to believe I can change anything. When I didn’t achieve my goal weight at a set date, my inner critic, of course, screamed how much of a loser I was, that I could not even keep promises I give to myself. I am such a failure.

But, stubborn as I am, I did not give up on goal setting.

Instead, I changed my approach.

From Outcome Goals to Process Goals

Instead of focusing on the outcomes I want to achieve, I now focus on the processes that I want to implement to improve certain areas of my life. I shifted from setting outcome goals to setting process goals. Think of outcome goals as the “what” you want to achieve and of process goals as the “how” you achieve something.

Let’s stick with the example, weight loss. I used to set a target weight or weight range that I wanted to achieve at a specific date. That ‘s a typical outcome-based goal.

My overactive mind would ruminate and research endlessly if my goal was “realistic.” Could I achieve that weight loss in that time frame? What if I will lose too much muscle because it’s too fast? Is it a myth that fast weight loss leads to muscle loss?

You get the picture.

When I changed to a process-based approach, I started to only focus on the systems that I need to have in place. That means I scheduled time for exercise and created some rules for eating that helped me to eat more healthily.

A Sense of Control

The big problem with outcome-based goals is that you are never entirely in control. You want to lose the extra flab, but you have not complete control over your body. You want to save a certain amount of money, but what happens when an unexpected bill arrives or your company downsizes, and suddenly you’re out of work? With processes, you are in control. You can control your actions. You can control how you react to obstacles.

That feeling of control gives my hyperactive mind a break.

For example, I wanted to advance in my current position at work. But when I thought of trying to accomplish a promotion, I started the negative self-talk.

I compared myself with others in my team, and of course, they were better than me. I was telling myself it is a silly goal, I am not smart enough, haven’t been in the team for long enough, and what if we don’t even have the financial resources that my boss could give me a promotion?

Endless rumination about whether that goal was “realistic” and “achievable.”

So I took a step back.

Instead of fantasizing about a promotion, I set the intention every day to do my best.

I repeated daily the following affirmation: “I excel at my work, and I am highly rewarded for it.”

Just two weeks ago was given a raise due to my “consistent and outstanding efforts.”

Happiness Now

With outcome-based goals, I subconsciously postponed happiness. I would allow myself to be happy only when I reached a specific milestone. When I was training for a marathon, I would be so focused on that goal and didn’t appreciate anything I did to achieve that goal. I was just not good enough yet. Just ran 20 km? Ate healthily? So what?! I am not there yet. I didn’t finish the race yet. The evening crowns the day.

With process-based goals, it is easier to celebrate.

My processes for keeping my body in running shape are exercising for at least one hour per day and eat healthily.

Every day I stick to these processes, I have achieved my goal.

And I allow myself to feel a sense of accomplishment.

Instead of putting happiness off until I reach the next milestone, I am content when my system runs smoothly. And when a binge eating episode derails my process, I journal about it and get back on track the other day.

Slip-ups are not as earth-shattering as failing at a grand outcome-based goal.

But What About Results?

I found that I don’t need to set specific outcome-based goals to improve my life.

The opposite is true.

When I focus on following processes and implementing good habits, success is almost a byproduct. I leaned out when I started a practice of daily exercise and mindful food shopping.

The company I work for gave me a raise because I focused on doing a good job every day. I didn’t even ask for more money.

I connect with new people regularly because I implemented a habit of going to a social event at least twice a week.

The process-based approach to goal setting gave me peace of mind because I focus only on what is within my control.

If you are getting anxious when you think about goal setting, try a process based-approach and see if it makes a difference.