Gnomes Did It

It’s not forgetfulness. Nope.

Hi. My name is Tom. I am 47. I live in the Midwest.

…and I am plagued by gnomes.

I am a stay-at-home dad/writer, so my schedule is pretty open. I can afford to be casual about a lot of things, including looking for things that I’ve lost. I will search in places where I believe them to be, but I prefer to not search exhaustively for lost items. I believe you will find what you need to find if you let it be found.

But I think I’m being messed with.

My wallet had been missing for at least a week. I would casually look for it here and there. On my way to the kitchen, I would check under the cushions of the couch. On my way out to walk the dog, I would look on the bookshelf. Cooking dinner, I would check the counters. Wake up in the morning, run through my bedside dresser. But, it’s always been like this.

After college, I lived in one of the apartments in an old house with a few friends. I was on my way out to work one day and could not find my keys. One of my roommates was razzing me by suggesting various places I could look. I was at my wit’s end. He even suggested behind the toilet. I checked. They weren’t there.

Irritated, I started to suggest equally dumb places. What about the fish tank? What about the shower? What about the freezer?

They were in the freezer.

“Damn gnomes,” I said.

From that day forward, I have been subject to their whim.

My wife is usually really good at finding things. I expressed concern about not being able to find my wallet to her. She usually finds the missing items in places I had already looked, but she couldn't find it either. I was reminded of my roommate when my wife started listing places to look. She was doing it with better-disguised smartassery. I was exasperated and mimicked looking under the bed.

Not there.

I dramatically stepped over to my desk and looked in the middle drawer with a flourish.

Not there.

I opened my drawers on my bedside table.

Not…

It was there. Not under anything. Not behind anything. Just right there.

“Damn gnomes,” I said.

So, now, if I lose something, I just wait.

The gnomes will put it back later.

Go to Vocal to read my horror stories.

I write poetry as well. I published two books and they are on Amazon. Zombie Bait: Pieces of my Brain for You to Digest and Zombie Bait 2: More Bits

I write a journal-type reflection on my son’s and family’s life with autism. Here is the first entry.