Giving Yourself The Permission To Heal In Your Own Weird Ways

Summary

The article advocates for personal autonomy in healing, emphasizing the importance of respecting one's unique needs and preferences over adhering to conventional self-help methods or external validation.

Abstract

The article "Giving Yourself The Permission To Heal In Your Own Weird Ways" discusses the significance of embracing individuality in the healing process. It suggests that societal norms, self-help gurus, and therapists often impose generic solutions that may not align with an individual's unique requirements. The author argues that confidence is not the ultimate goal and that doubt can be a sign of a thoughtful mind. The piece encourages readers to trust their instincts and engage in activities that resonate with them personally, even if they defy cultural expectations or popular opinions. The article highlights the story of Dr. Francine Shapiro's discovery of EMDR Therapy as an example of how personal experiences can lead to breakthroughs in healing methods. Ultimately, the author promotes the idea of setting aside time for oneself to explore what is genuinely healing and relaxing without the interference of culturally conditioned self-criticism.

Opinions

Self-help gurus and therapists may offer generic advice that disregards individual uniqueness.
Confidence is sometimes overvalued, and a lack of confidence does not inherently indicate a flaw.
Society's emphasis on confidence can empower narcissistic individuals to exploit others' insecurities.
Mechanical methods or tricks for self-improvement can undermine personal authenticity.
There are no universal rules for healing; each individual must find their own path.
The healing process can include a wide range of activities, from meditation to dancing, depending on what feels right for the person.
The story of Dr. Francine Shapiro's discovery of EMDR serves as an inspiration for personal exploration in healing.
Allowing oneself time to engage in personally fulfilling activities is crucial for mental well-being.

Respecting your uniqueness

The mind only knows what it had been taught. The rules, the self-help book information, and popular opinions. We need to admit that we really do not have any clue about what we really need or what is really good for us. Even if we feel incredibly liberating and peaceful while doing something in our own unique ways, we will still doubt: maybe this is not right, or I should check with popular opinions or I should see permission from the therapist or should see if my self-help guru validates it.

But what do these self-help gurus or therapists know other than things they copied from people who came before them. They appear heroic because we are full of doubts and they had learned how to play the game of pretence.

The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence. — Charles Bukowski

And our lack of confidence is the ground for well-behaved narcissists to thrive. They give us tricks and sell books on how to make fake friends, to pretend honesty and get laid, rules of living, etc. It is not that we need to do some tricks and get confident. Not having confidence is not necessarily a bad thing as taught by society. It is only a lazy, dull mind that strives for an end, so as to declare itself a winner.

A man who is confident is a dead human being-J Krishnamurti

This is a society full of blind obedience and self-aggression without really bothering to look at what is good for this physical organism that you are, that unique organism. It is not a carbon-copy, neither it has to be. Anyone who sells you a mechanical method or trick to follow — to make you improved, is disrespecting your uniqueness. They do not give a shit about you. Even if their tricks help you to feel validated, remember it is only at the expense of selling your uniqueness.

I want to see what is good for me: It might be a slow relaxed reading of a blog that interests me; it could be watching people who love what they do; it might be writing. But we do not have the patience to allow ourselves to immerse in things that might have the potential to cure us and give us the inspiration to move on. We want to know if it is worthy, will I be able to make income out of it — otherwise the self-help guru will shame me, right? He might call me or you childish for not doing it the hard way as he did it out of fear of being shamed by his parents or others.

There are no rules for healing. Every organism is different. We all have the capacity to discover that unique key-lock combination that can save us. It is perhaps only a matter of listening to what feels good for us and to trust it. One might be better off meditating in crossed-leg posture, for the other it might be a walk in nature or reading books or daydreaming or dancing or even sitting like a fool — whatever that is grounding for the organism.

For example, Dr. Francine Shapiro discovered EMDR Therapy in 1987 while she was walking in a park — she discovered that her anxiety lifted after moving her eyes back and forth while observing her surroundings. Perhaps she was driven to take a walk in the park not because someone said that is the right thing to do.

We can take the above example as an inspiration, it does not mean it might be the one for me or even if it could be made into a trick to heal in general.

To give myself permission to go with what feels relaxing and healing for the organism here — resisting the urge to fall for the mean voice in the head, the fear-talker, the approval-seeker — is by itself a great challenge.

I think it might be better to give ourself a ‘free time’ during the day (if too much caught up in mind), where we can give ourself the permission to wholeheartedly engage in things we feel is good for us, but still doubtful for the cultural conditioning based mean voice in the head. Let the mind be given permission to rest and not bother during the ‘free time’ with its endless what-ifs.