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Abstract

Think about what you’re going to give up”A choice? What if I don’t want either one?I remember having a conversation with my cousin when we were in elementary school. She told me that if you believed in the wrong God, you would get disowned. I was horrified by the very idea. “ What if I didn’t know? Would he forgive me?”“No, because you made the wrong choice”Thus the seed of fear was planted in my brain. I couldn’t afford to mess up. I’ve always had questions on why I had to choose a religion. Especially since I didn’t agree with everything. Why wasn’t being a good person enough?Growing up in my extended family, it didn’t matter what grades you got or if you were successful. It mattered that you were dedicating your life to preaching.Believing in God isn’t enough. Going to church and following the rules is the tip of the iceberg. You have to go above and beyond and dedicate every minute to sharing the church’s message. My family and church members didn’t tell me this directly. Yet, anytime I showed interest in anything other than the church I would receive a lecture. Telling me that spreading God’s message was much more important.I convinced myself that I was selfish for wanting a life outside of the church. I don’t think I was buying the cake that they were selling.I went to church to keep my mom happy but I knew that I was going to have to put my foot down when I turned 18. I could tell that she was unhappy about my decision but it was no surprise.<p id="5

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db8">There are many reasons why I left going to church but my biggest and most important one is that my heart wasn’t in it. I was being forced to love something I didn’t. You can’t do that to people.I didn’t want to go to the Catholic church either. I didn’t like going to church at all. I didn’t connect with either one. Why did I have to go to church and be judged for having a life outside of it?Growing up, I used to pray before bed my whole childhood. I came across the three-part book Conversations With God. Thus my life built on Zen spiritualism was born. I remember that night when I finished reading the last book, I never prayed again. I felt that I didn’t have to anymore.God was listening either way.I love the series so much because it was a reminder of what I already knew. I knew deep down that God is an extension of us. Before, I had grown resentful toward God because of what I was told I wasn’t enough. I would then feel guilty because I turned my back. It was comforting to know that he was there the whole time.As of my life today I don’t go to church unless it’s for a funeral or wedding. I meditate as often as I can. Believe it or not, I actually talk about the teachings of Buddha and what they mean to me. Not to my surprise, my family thinks I’m trying to convert them!To me, God is the silence behind the noise. The life behind every person, flower, and animal. He’s the stillness in the rocks on the ground. The “isness” in the clouds. To me, God is life itself.</article></body>

Giving Up Religion Made Me More Spiritual

My family told me that I wouldn’t be good enough for God

Why a Jehova’s Witness and Catholic decided to get married is beyond me. I don’t know if it’s because Spanish isn’t my first language and I had to go to a Spanish-speaking church. That could be the reason why I didn’t have the same connection as my Spanish-speaking mom and family members.

My mom’s side of the family converted into Jehovah’s witnesses before I was born. I had to go to church with my mom every Sunday. Plus the assemblies every year. Think of an assembly or sometimes called convention as an 8-hour church. My mom also arranged that I have an hour of bible study once a week.

There were a lot of rules in place. A lot of the rules my extended family would add because they felt they were right. Jehova’s Witnesses don’t celebrate birthdays or holidays. I'm fortunate that my father was not going to compromise on that. He told my mom that we could go to church and do the studying but if we wanted to celebrate, we would.

I appreciated this gesture from my dad but even he would push his beliefs onto us. “You know you’re going to have to make a choice. Think about what you’re going to give up”

A choice? What if I don’t want either one?

I remember having a conversation with my cousin when we were in elementary school. She told me that if you believed in the wrong God, you would get disowned. I was horrified by the very idea. “ What if I didn’t know? Would he forgive me?”

“No, because you made the wrong choice”

Thus the seed of fear was planted in my brain. I couldn’t afford to mess up. I’ve always had questions on why I had to choose a religion. Especially since I didn’t agree with everything. Why wasn’t being a good person enough?

Growing up in my extended family, it didn’t matter what grades you got or if you were successful. It mattered that you were dedicating your life to preaching.

Believing in God isn’t enough. Going to church and following the rules is the tip of the iceberg. You have to go above and beyond and dedicate every minute to sharing the church’s message. My family and church members didn’t tell me this directly. Yet, anytime I showed interest in anything other than the church I would receive a lecture. Telling me that spreading God’s message was much more important.

I convinced myself that I was selfish for wanting a life outside of the church. I don’t think I was buying the cake that they were selling.

I went to church to keep my mom happy but I knew that I was going to have to put my foot down when I turned 18. I could tell that she was unhappy about my decision but it was no surprise.

There are many reasons why I left going to church but my biggest and most important one is that my heart wasn’t in it. I was being forced to love something I didn’t. You can’t do that to people.

I didn’t want to go to the Catholic church either. I didn’t like going to church at all. I didn’t connect with either one. Why did I have to go to church and be judged for having a life outside of it?

Growing up, I used to pray before bed my whole childhood. I came across the three-part book Conversations With God. Thus my life built on Zen spiritualism was born. I remember that night when I finished reading the last book, I never prayed again. I felt that I didn’t have to anymore.

God was listening either way.

I love the series so much because it was a reminder of what I already knew. I knew deep down that God is an extension of us. Before, I had grown resentful toward God because of what I was told I wasn’t enough. I would then feel guilty because I turned my back. It was comforting to know that he was there the whole time.

As of my life today I don’t go to church unless it’s for a funeral or wedding. I meditate as often as I can. Believe it or not, I actually talk about the teachings of Buddha and what they mean to me. Not to my surprise, my family thinks I’m trying to convert them!

To me, God is the silence behind the noise. The life behind every person, flower, and animal. He’s the stillness in the rocks on the ground. The “isness” in the clouds. To me, God is life itself.