Giving Birth As A Survivor Of Childhood Sexual Abuse

Creating a positive birthing experience

“Have you ever been the victim of sexual abuse or rape?”

My midwives blunt question caught me by surprise, and my knee jerk reaction was:

“No, I have not”.

I lied.

I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse or CSA for short.

I am part of those tragic statistics you hear about. Such as these ones by the Australian Bureau of Statistics:

• “According to the most recent Australian Bureau of Statistics Personal Safety Survey (ABS, 2017), 11% of women and 5% of men in Australia report having been sexually abused before the age of 15 years.
• In total, the ABS estimates that approximately 1,410,100 people living in Australia experienced sexual abuse before the age of 15.
• Greater than half of these respondents (58%) report being sexually abused for the first time before the age of 10 years.”

These statistics show that sexual abuse is a massive issue in Australia (and the world) and there is so much work to be done.

So why did I not tell my midwife that I was in fact abused as a child?

Why lie about past sexual assault?

The question took me by surprise. I had (stupidly) not considered my past would impact my pregnancy and labour. I wasn’t ready for the question. But that wasn’t the only reason.

A big reason was I felt guilty for even considering saying yes to my midwife. Why?

Because in the general scheme of sexual abuse, I put what I went through way down the list. I mean, what was a bit of inappropriate touching compared to what others had gone through such as rape?

I know, I know. Abuse is abuse. As a child, I had behavioural issues and required counselling to learn to cope with my past. Yet, I still feel guilty claiming I am a survivor of sexual assault. Others have survived much, much worse.

I went away from that appointment with a cloud over my head. Wondering how I was going to approach it. In the end, I didn’t say anything. I let it go.

I realised now that this is an important aspect of antenatal care and it needs addressing. It is so important to speak up about our past experiences and how they may impact our birthing experiences.

Why is it important to speak up and tell your obstetrics team that you are a survivor of CSA?

Studies have shown that women who have experienced sexual assault have added difficulties during labour.

These can manifest as significant fear, higher stress levels, reluctance to attend appointments and so much more. This is during antenatal care, labour and even the postnatal period. However, for the sake of this article, we will focus solely on the birthing experience.

How can past sexual assault impact your birthing experience?

An experience of sexual assault is scary and that often leaves you feeling a lack of control. These feelings are also commonly associated with pregnancy and labour.

If you have experienced a traumatic event (or events) in your childhood, when you go into labour these feelings can come up again.

Labour can be intrusive, with doctors or a midwife checking how far you have dilated or other medical procedures. These can be triggering. Sometimes even something as simple as laying a hand on your shoulder, an act that means to be soothing, can incite fear and anxiety.

These medical procedures can lead to flashbacks, or contribute to negative feelings of humiliation, and a lack of control or powerlessness.

Some women may not even remember past abuse until they are triggered during such a vulnerable time as labour.

Being naked, or having your genitals and breast exposed during birth can also leave women feeling scared and anxious. Unfortunately, there is no way to give birth without exposing some skin.

The impacts:

• Fear, anxiety and feeling lack of control.
• Physical contact or medical procedures can cause flashbacks, dissociation or other negative behaviour.
• Memories may be triggered.

What can you do to have a positive birthing experience as a survivor of childhood sexual assault?

It is important that those around you know of your past experiences and how they could potentially impact your birthing experience.

So, how can you overcome fear, anxiety and vulnerability to have a positive birthing experience?

First off, don’t do what I did. Don’t hide it. I was lucky enough not to be triggered during either of my labours. However, looking back now I realise how easily I could have slid into a flashback or reacted aggressively to all the people poking around me.

If you don’t feel comfortable talking to your doctor or midwife, find another one. Keep looking until you find a team that you feel safe and supported by. There is nothing wrong with exploring all options until you have a solid support network of people around you.

Hiring a doula is an amazing way to ensure you have an advocate. Someone to be your voice when you are labouring. Someone who will be sure that the team around you will not say or do anything that could be triggering or have negative associations.

It doesn’t have to be a doula. It could be your partner, a family member or close friends. Any person that you trust to have your back. For me, it was my husband. Who do you trust the most in the world to look after you when you are vulnerable?

You do have the right to refuse any medical treatment that makes you feel uncomfortable. However, make sure you fully understand any and all consequences of doing so. This is why it is so important to have a team of trusted people around you. So that if or when you need an invasive procedure you feel as safe and comfortable as possible.

It is essential that you feel safe, protected and comfortable when labouring.

• Inform your obstetrics team of your past sexual abuse (you don’t need to go into details. Discuss with your obstetrics team your triggers and what you need to feel safe during labour.
• If you don’t feel comfortable with them, shop around for another doctor or midwife until you find someone you do feel able to trust and talk to.
• Hire a doula.
• Find your support person. Mine was my husband and he never left my side. Who do you trust most in the world?
• Remember, it is YOUR body. YOURS. No one can touch you without YOUR permission. You are in control. Write your own birth story.

Rachel Maree is a writer, mum and registered nurse. Bringing you the real truth to parenting, nursing and writing (even when it is downright ugly). You can read more articles or hire her to write amazing content for you — Rachel Maree.

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