Give Yourself Grace, Dammit

Take it from me…

Listen: you’re being an idiot.

Ok, maybe that was a little harsh. Allow me to rephrase…

You need to stop being an idiot.

Any better?

In all seriousness, this post isn’t really meant to be of the tough-love variety. It’s meant to be encouraging. Hopefully a bit motivating, too.

And it begins with a common problem that’s breaking my heart.

So often, I hear people self-criticize — baldly. They talk about themselves in a way that I know they would never dream of speaking to a friend or loved one. Impossible standards they hold to their necks, like lifelong nooses slowly tightening around them.

I find myself wondering…why?

(And why do I do it, too?)

Why can’t we show the same kindness to ourselves that we show to others?

I wonder if the problem is rooted in control. Maybe we feel that we need it in order to improve ourselves. To motivate ourselves to do better. And maybe we worry that if we stop this negative self-talk, we’ll stop taking steps towards this self-improvement.

Of course, realistically, I think the result is to the contrary. By constantly putting ourselves down, we start to believe those ugly words. And this is far from motivating.

In other words, this self-criticism isn’t helpful.

In fact, according to Psychology Today, engaging in this thought process can put us at higher risk of mental health struggles, and make us less able to cope with our problems in a productive way.

Doesn’t sound so great now, does it?

So the takeaway is clear:

You’re being an idiot.

And so am I. And we need to stop it.

Quit the negative self-talk. Treat ourselves like a friend.

Give ourselves some grace, dammit.

It may not be easy at first, but it will be so worth it.

I know I’m going to start trying.

I hope you are, too.