Give the precious gift of your attention
Stop talking and really listen
The next few times (every time) you have a conversation, notice when you think to mention your experience, your story, your similar story, your better story. Many of us, including me, have this bad habit. Before we open our mouths, we need to pause and listen instead.
Really listen.
Listen with our whole hearts. Don’t intercept the listening with thoughts about your pain, your ex, your boss, your dog, your mother who didn’t get it quite right. Your true love that wasn’t.
Listen. Let compassion for the speaker arise. A little bit. The respect and attention will be deeply felt.
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I couldn’t listen Close enough to understand What you were saying
I will remember To look in your eyes and hear You, really hear you.
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To be really heard is what each of us wants and needs. And when we are given the precious gift of listening, we can feel it the comfort that comes from undivided attention.
We can give this gift away every day. At no cost except our egos which just have to stop talking for a while. Another person is all we need to practice.
Here’s how.
Turn to face them. Put your phone away. Lean in a little. Just listen. Don’t think of clever responses. Wait for them to finish talking. Then wait longer. Then finally, speak to acknowledge what they said. Don’t try to fix it. Don’t just tell a better story.
I was encouraged as a child to excel at everything I tried. My father was a humble high-achiever. And lots of opportunities have come to fruition because I spoke up and volunteered an idea or to take the lead. But there’s a downside to putting yourself forward as a habit. We just don’t listen as well as we should.
With a lifetime of travel and experiences, I have something I could add to many conversations. I have to remind myself to listen and not necessarily share my story. I want to listen, really listen first.
With the division in my country right now, listening to each other almost seems like a lost art. We mostly watch and read news that supports our views. Civility is lost on much of social media.
I hope you will see that your undivided attention is a precious gift you can give freely. Just a little effort and we’ll spread it further than we can ever know.