Give Love to the Parts of You That Seek Approval

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Abstract

o say I have so much love and compassion for the parts of me who have learned to survive by impressing others. It’s so easy to shit on ourselves for our survival patterns. But that’s not what this is about.This is about honoring those poor parts of me who are holding on to the belief that I am not enough as I am. That try to perform for admiration because they don’t believe they are worthy of true love. The parts of me that truly believe my enoughness is dependent on the opinions other people have of me.What a scary, lonely world those parts of me live in.And to be fully honest, I still have these parts of me. And to this day, when I see through their eyes, my entire world becomes just as scary and lonely as it was when I was a little girl, trying to earn my parent’s approval.This isn’t about criticizing these parts for how they’ve adapted to survive. This is about holding these parts of me in my heart, validating the scary world they are living in, validating how real that world once was, and tha

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nking them for doing their very best to protect me.This is about giving those parts of me the love they never got back then.That’s the only way these parts are going to feel safe enough to slowly let go of their survival patterns and begin to trust in a love that has nothing to do with their performance.The way to show these parts of me that there is a bigger and wider love that is truly unconditional isn’t to spout off spiritual truths and affirmations. It is to actually show them that love, from the inside out.To enter their scary trauma world and tell them, “Even here you are worthy. Even here you are enough. Even here you are not alone.”PS I am a trauma-informed coach who helps survivors of narcissistic abuse give themselves the love they never got back then, so they can find confidence in their true selves and cultivate happy relationships. <a href="https://calendly.com/jordin-james/chemistry">Schedule a discovery session with me</a> to learn more.</article></body>

Even here you are worthy. Even here you are enough. Even here you are not alone

For much of my life, I settled for the crumbs of admiration because I didn’t believe I was worthy of love.

I thought maybe if I could get people to approve of me — to admire me — then I would feel like I am enough.

I only felt safe around others as long as I was confident I could impress them. And I felt anxious in group settings if I wasn’t the most impressive person in the room.

And before I go any further, I just want to say I have so much love and compassion for the parts of me who have learned to survive by impressing others. It’s so easy to shit on ourselves for our survival patterns. But that’s not what this is about.

This is about honoring those poor parts of me who are holding on to the belief that I am not enough as I am. That try to perform for admiration because they don’t believe they are worthy of true love. The parts of me that truly believe my enoughness is dependent on the opinions other people have of me.

What a scary, lonely world those parts of me live in.

And to be fully honest, I still have these parts of me. And to this day, when I see through their eyes, my entire world becomes just as scary and lonely as it was when I was a little girl, trying to earn my parent’s approval.

This isn’t about criticizing these parts for how they’ve adapted to survive. This is about holding these parts of me in my heart, validating the scary world they are living in, validating how real that world once was, and thanking them for doing their very best to protect me.

This is about giving those parts of me the love they never got back then.

That’s the only way these parts are going to feel safe enough to slowly let go of their survival patterns and begin to trust in a love that has nothing to do with their performance.

The way to show these parts of me that there is a bigger and wider love that is truly unconditional isn’t to spout off spiritual truths and affirmations. It is to actually show them that love, from the inside out.

To enter their scary trauma world and tell them, “Even here you are worthy. Even here you are enough. Even here you are not alone.”

PS I am a trauma-informed coach who helps survivors of narcissistic abuse give themselves the love they never got back then, so they can find confidence in their true selves and cultivate happy relationships. Schedule a discovery session with me to learn more.