Give

Two kindred spirits. We met at a rave. You knew me and saw the beauty in a self-destructive man that I had became. Two men from different walks of life bound by ancestry in Mother Lanka. I had the abundance of material from a foreign land and you lacked from the consequences of third-world travesties.

But what you had in spirit far exceeded the riches I had acquired.

As I saw you struggle, I couldn’t let you suffer in solidarity. My money became yours through forming the scaffolding for stepping stones to your success.

And as I gave, I staved off my prejudices and ignorance blared by society; warnings given by wounded egos by previous victims. Wisdom grew in me as I saw I implemented God’s principles through you. Foresight became clearer as I became my biggest enemy, stopping me from outgrowing my suffering and living in plains of joy.

Expectations that I placed on my generosity shattered as life began to shackle to keep you in the same position; something I would not allow. I would not allow my love for God to be overcome by the selfishness of myself and let me abandon you in your in time of strife and need.

The devil in me, as resent grew at the same speed as your dependence on me. And at the precipice of your opportunity in a new country with a chance for education and livelihood, you made a mistake. A honest mistake bred out of ignorance of fear of consequences of asking too much. One that would cost us dearly.

I wrestled with my own intrusive hate born of the eruption of my own fears of financial security. The demon that crept on my back had taken its hold.

How dare he, I ask.

But when I begrudgingly gave money to you, I asked myself. How dare I?

After all; what little money you asked a beautiful soul deserving far more than I? For the good I have done does not outweigh the wrongs I have made in the process of learning to be a better human being. This forgiveness that others have given me is a gift from God delivered through humankind.

For my excuses would fall short of the heartbreak and pain I unleashed for existing.

A father who gave so much money to cover my wretched ways for the simple fact that he loved me. Just like our Father who came down as the Son of the Man for the love for all of us. All of us undeserving of such grace.

So I thank you my Father, my father and my brother. For showing how the egotistical monstrosity I can be, and giving me the chance to be humble to let this go for a brief moment and breathing more wisdom through working in service to God and others.