Ghosting In Relationships
Chapter 2 of the Closing The Gap Series
While ghosting has likely been something that’s been in society for a very long time, it has grown immensely in notoriety over the past 15, to 20 years. The advent of more and more types of communications, brings a brighter spotlight onto the reality and truth of the behaviour we have all come to know as ghosting.
My life has been filled with ups and downs and with some amazing times and experiences, but also dark times. My life in and out of active addiction has put all the loved ones around me on high alert countless times over the past 15 years.
The reality of how well I am doing has been blurred countless times throughout my years. Many friends and loved ones have often approached relationships with me with strong, and vigilant caution. While that has always been a shitty feeling, there’s really no way I can argue against it. As an addict, trust is lost, when we break hearts over and over. Our strongest word, means nothing when we are living a life in active heroin and cocaine addiction.
Life feels like one big journey of trying to get over on others, out of desperation to feel “normal,” and not feel sick.
I give that quick backstory just to validate my experience when it comes to ghosting. I have not done a lot of ghosting myself through the years, but I can certainly vouch for the way it feels like to be on the receiving end of it. Whether or not we are in the wrong.
I have come to find out that often times when a person feels like they are being ghosted, they probably are right. Not 100% of the time, but often enough to come to a place of paranoia in the mind. It distorts our rational thinking, and we find ourselves on the defensive. Once we start to get that getting that “funny feeling,” it is quite difficult to overcome that emotional state, without the other person becoming involved. Whether they really are ghosting or not.
This is not about whether ghosting is validated or not. Sometimes it is well deserving, especially when trust is lost. If the broken trust was extreme enough, a majority of people may feel that ghosting is the easiest, and safest way out of something toxic.
Sometimes it is not always the most adult thing to do. Sometimes a clear form of communication may be fitting. And on the other side of the spectrum, sometimes people ghost other, for absolutely no reason. When it is like that, it just represents an odd and confusing behaviour that has become more prevalent as technology grows more and more. Sometimes, if you are really being ghosted for no reason, than that’s just the ghosters personal shit. Not your shit.
This series has a lot of purpose. The exploration of ghosting and abandonment, and the times in life when the fault falls on us. We will dig into this topic, and the culture around it’s development in the 21st century.
I will present my own life experiences, as I share times of being ghosted, where it’s being done on some of the very last people I would ever expect. Those dearest, and most special people, can too, be the ones ghosting, and we will learn that forgiveness does not always stand in the way as a blockage against being abandoned.
I will take a closer look at the act of forgiving, and even reconciling, and we will see that forgiveness is not always a cemented guard against ghosting. We can be forgiven, while still being ghosted. Often times, there is a legitimacy to it as well.
In a few days, chapter 3 of Closing The Gap will be presented as I go through my years and spotlight some of the many times, where I have experienced this. I believe that ghosting really is something that almost all of us can relate to. We may be guilty of doing it. We also may be ghosted because we are guilty. It’s the same emotional state, on both sides of the fence.