Summary

An employee learns the importance of self-forgiveness and professional communication after being gently reprimanded by their company's Commercial Director for improperly handling a financial issue.

Abstract

The author recounts an experience where they attempted to resolve a reimbursement issue for a university professor, bypassing the formal process of emailing the company's Commercial Director. After a series of delays and misunderstandings due to verbal communication, the Director, while making an exception for the professor, admonishes the author to act more professionally in the future by documenting financial matters via email. The author reflects on this experience, realizing that self-forgiveness is crucial for personal growth and that not taking things personally is key to self-love and resilience. The incident serves as a reminder that mistakes are part of learning and that adhering to professional standards is essential in a corporate setting.

Opinions

The author believes that intellectual knowledge is enhanced by emotional learning from experiences.
They express that maturity involves not caring what others think of you, including superiors like a boss.
The author feels that it is important to provide context and not just copied text when communicating professionally.
They suggest that making exceptions to rules can be justified in certain situations, such as when someone provides valuable free work.
The author indicates that professional growth involves understanding and adhering to a superior's expectations and communication preferences.
They convey that self-forgiveness and acceptance of one's imperfect nature are essential for personal peace and growth.
The author posits that perfectionism is unattainable and that learning from mistakes is more valuable than dwelling on them.
They emphasize the importance of not taking professional criticisms personally and choosing self-love over self-deprecation.
The author advises that documenting financial issues is crucial for accountability and professionalism in a corporate environment.

Getting Told Off by a Big Boss Reinforced My Self-Love

I was genuinely surprised

You need to make mistakes to learn a thing or two in life.

Beyond intellectual knowledge, the experience teaches you to handle your emotions. A sign of maturity is to stop caring what others think of you.

Including your boss.

I wanted to talk but the boss wanted an email

I organized a meeting for a dozen of university professors in May 2023. They’re busy people who need reminders.

One of them forgot to send me his reimbursement claim. I reminded him via email. He didn’t respond. “It’s his money,” I thought. He can always get back to me.

The professor wrote me a month ago. He wanted to get reimbursed but our financial department said it was too late. You have six months to claim your travel expenses. Say goodbye to your money after. It’s the law.

The thing is, this professor acts as a referee for us. That’s work for free. I thought we could make an exception and pay him back.

It’s not my decision. I had to talk to the boss of all bosses — our company’s Commercial Director (with capital letters). She’s a likable lady who manages $140+ million a year.

I know her, we’ve talked twice. She puts on her professional smile every time we pass by each other in the corridor.

But being a Director, she’s got a gatekeeper — her secretary, Mrs. Storch. You can’t simply walk into the Director’s office. I had to explain to Mrs. Storch what I wanted.

Wrong move on my part.

First, the secretary tried to solve the issue by herself and copy-pasted the law saying you have six months to claim your travel expenses. It annoys the hell out of me to receive emails containing copied text and nothing else.

Second, the secretary took one week to pass the request on to the Director. It wasn’t necessarily Mrs. Storch’s fault. The Director might’ve been away. But I had to go back and ask Mrs. Storch if a decision had been made.

Third, the Director got annoyed by all the verbal communication (reduced to the minimum anyway). I got an email from her at the end of the second week. She was willing to make an exception for the professor. Justice prevailed.

But.

The Director said it was no way to solve financial issues. I can’t just go to her secretary and talk about money. The big boss wanted an email with an explanation of all the circumstances.

The email ended with

“I’m asking you to act more professional in the future.”

Why you should forgive yourself

My blunder is obvious.

The Director needs proof of the situation. She can’t just say ‘Herr Gorbunov asked me to reimburse a professor after a 6-month deadline’ if a governmental agency checks our finances.

I didn’t feel the urge to slap myself for the mistake. It was a lack of experience. It amazed me I felt zero emotions when reading her email.

My boss’s opinion has always played the most important role. I won’t care if the entire world turns against me. But I’ll be disappointed if my boss says I’m dumb.

That happened during my Ph.D. when I delivered a 35-minute talk in 25 minutes. I spoke so quickly that nobody understood me. My supervisor bashed me after the talk. I went home with a migraine from the stress.

Now? I’ve become more mature.

There were no bad intentions. I would’ve emailed the Director if I’d known how she does things.

Three people were Cc’ed in the email. I’d have thought a decade ago:

“They’ll think it’s that dumb guy when they meet me next time.”

Hahaha. Probably not. They forgot me the moment they clicked the email away. They have things to do. I play no role in their lives.

Nothing changes for me. The Director doesn’t hold a grudge. I saw her pro smile yesterday in the canteen when she saw me.

I’m not dismissing the situation, though. It was important. I must email the boss next time when it comes to money. Financial things should be documented. I’ll fit the Director’s standard because she’s paying me.

My most important takeaway is personal. I learned to forgive myself. There are no more nights when I toss and turn in my bed cursing myself for being dumb.

Perfectionism won’t get you anywhere. You need to accept your imperfect nature to be at peace with yourself.

Life is a series of ups and downs. No learning curve is linear. Little failures do no harm when you learn from them.

My failures have taught me to not take things personally. Others have bashed me enough. So I choose to love myself.

The bottom line

You learn about yourself in potentially stressful situations. This was one of them.

Mistakes never finish. Making them is part of growing up, becoming mature, and accepting you’re not perfect.

You’ve done something dumb? Learn the lesson and move on. You only have you.

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