A SHORT SATIRE SHOT

Getting Shot … Part Two of the COVID-19 Vaccine, The Fun Part

Putting the “P” (for “Pfalsehoods”) in Pfizer

Right after the COVID-19 vaccine jab, my skull — and with it my brain — shrank, just like what happens with Zika. You know how that goes.

Then I got Kuru, Ebola, mad cow disease, malaria, acute necrotizing ulcerative gingivitis, wicked halitosis, toenail fungus, defcon-1 body odor, and monkey pox. All on my way to the car. Oh, and of course, a COVID-19 infection gripped me in its malevolent clutches.

My driver’s licence was revoked. I inhaled my N-95 and nearly choked to death!

Thick black hair grew out of my nose, my ears rang, my heart pounded, and I broke out in a rash. The number “666” appeared on my forehead, spelled out in prom zits. Pustular psoriasis pimples coalesced on my back forming a pentagram.

I limped and drooled. My civil rights, #1 through #1,001, were violated. I hallucinated that the second amendment had been repealed. Twisted Sister’s lyrics to “We’re Not Gonna Take It” got stuck in my head. Weirdly, they were interspersed with “(You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Party) by the Beastie Boys.

The hell of a “new normal” descended upon me.

I should never have let the evil vaxxers talk me into getting the COVID-19 vaccine, especially the second dose.

For all this misery, I blame Bill Gates and his damned microchips. Now my DNA (whatever that is) is permanently scarred. I never should have caved and gotten vaccinated.

Thankfully, my Qanon friends and the millions-strong anti-vaxxer groups littering social media forums were there for me. They swooped in like a Panzer division, whisking me away to their secret hideout near the Marred-&-Loony Club in Florida.

Once there, I was outfitted with a MAGA hat and a BAPBA (Bring American Polio Back Again) tee shirt in an attempt to lift my spirits and allow the healing to begin. Lots of thoughts and prayers were with me.

Then, intensive therapy started.

A shaman began knitting my DNA back together again.

My microchips couldn’t be removed, but they were reset. Now I can receive direct messages from my idols in the world of science and medical care, Jenny McCarthy and Marjorie Taylor Greene. Their words of peace and truth will help me mend I’m sure.

Finally, I was taken out to the NRA-sponsored gun range and we shredded pictures of Edward Jenner with AK-47s. A pox upon him. The fresh air and the destruction did my soul good.

One weird experience during my journey back to rightness

While at The Marred-&-Loony Club I was introduced to a new concept and I’ll admit it has taken some getting used to.

I now drink from the toilet bowl.

Here’s the logic.

Vaccinations/Immunizations are bad. Yeah, yeah, I know some scientific buffoons claim they’ve saved more lives than any other intervention in history.

The only other measure that has probably had a greater impact? You guessed it, clean water. So, of course, we’re doing away with that too. We can call it the pure water refusal (PoWeR!) movement.

While we’re at it, let’s repeal seat belt laws, do away with kiddie car seats, abolish all speed limits, outlaw helmets on motorcycle riders and NFL players, and remove labels from poison containers. Then we can move on to parachute-optional sky diving.

So don’t suffer as I did. Stand proud and proclaim:

Bring American Polio Back Again (BAPBA)

Real men drink outta toilet bowls

Your shot? I think not!