Getting Comfortable

With Being Uncomfortable

People cry at work, they do. I’m not saying women. I’m not saying men. I’m not saying LGBTQ+, I’m not saying POC. I’m not saying young people, or people with disabilities. I am saying people. I have seen a representative of each of these groups cry. The tears have been stress-induced, grief-induced, induced from exhaustion, and mistreatment.

There is the action of the crying, there is the lead up to it and then there is the aftermath. The change in respect that appears from everyone in the office, who witnessed it, heard about it, or was privy to it. something cahnges in people’s demeamor. It is the same as people finding out you have survived tragedy. And briefly after that, comes out the label makers.

“ Crier.” “ Emotional.” “Tempermental.” “Hormonal.” ( As you can imagine, that one really grinds my gears.) “ Fragile.” “ P*$$Y.” “Faucet.” “ Waterfalls.” “Lil B*tch.” “Over Sensitive.”

Here’s one…. Human.

What happened to that? What happened to being human? Yes, an older gentlemen at work, has just lost his twetny- seven year old son. He is heartbroken and grieving. He is not a little bitch. His tears have been shed over the fact that one of his main sources of joy have been taken away from him.

She sat in the board room meeting, and she worked tirelessly. She is responsible for the increase in profits over the last three quarters and she is here early, every monring. She stays late. She fights you on each line of the project, because she is constantly asking herself and those around her “ Is this the best way.” And then you scream. You cream at her blaming, for the decrease in the fourth quarter. You call her out in front of everyone. You knew you are part of the team, and as her manager, you also needed to step up. But instead of owning the responsibility together… you shout. And the tears prick and roll down her dark skin. You contain your eye roll… because how could she pull that card….

Racism. Resentment. Misogyny. are not f*cking cards, you damned joker.

Instead of letting tears hold us back… why don’ they bring us forward. Why do we have to keep apologising for caring? For putting our hearts on the line in our lives and in our work?

Because it’s uncomfortable.

So many in people see emotion as a cloud that blocks the sun of the project, of the truth. I couldn’t disagree more. It’s because people are uncomfortable with facing their own emotions, let along other’s. I’m not saying this is every single person. But enough people, that it is a systemic issue.

Employers want to see passion, but not emotion. They want you to work hard, but make sure you have life balance. But if you cut out early to pick up your kids, the resentment is tangible.

I will admit, it’s not easy to see someone lose their sh*t, when you have no idea what’s going on. And yes, they can always be tainted in your mind… because you have seen them be vulnerable. If we let it.

We can choose to allow their “outbursts” to be seen as “ unprofessional” or as cathartic. We can choose to see emotion as a strength instead of a negotiation.

Why is it that so many start ups and new enterprises are looking for managers adn leaders to have “emotional intelligence”— because these people need to be managed? Because our staff are all over worked and need things put in context when a breakdown is inevitable?

Get Comfortable

Good news. Emotions aren’t going anywhere. And it will be a while before they will be outlawed from the office. So… if you want inclusive / safe spaces in your workplace… get comfortable with tears. ( And not your own.)

The people that drop tears at work, are passionate. They are involved. They are overworked. But most importantly- they care about their work and how it is being done. So, until we get better at accepting people exactly how they are… then we all better get better at being comfortable, with the discomfort of vulnerablility and huge bouts of emotion in the workplace.