Summary

The website content advocates for the importance of effective communication, vulnerability, and boundary-setting in fostering healthy interpersonal and business relationships to meet one's emotional needs and achieve contentment.

Abstract

The article titled "Get Your Needs Met" emphasizes the necessity of open and honest communication in relationships, where nothing is left unsaid. It suggests that genuine communication involves expressing embarrassing thoughts and addressing issues directly, even when it involves vulnerability. The author illustrates this through a personal experience with a mortgage broker, where a difficult conversation led to an unexpected conflict but was eventually resolved through active listening and compromise. The concept of mirroring is introduced, which posits that people often show care in the ways they wish to receive it. The article also discusses the importance of setting personal boundaries, planning responses to potential conflicts in advance, and understanding one's own needs to live a fulfilling life. It encourages readers to be authentic and assertive in relationships, advocating that knowing and expressing one's needs leads to mutual respect and growth.

Opinions

The author believes that most people do not truly understand what is meant by "the work" in relationships, which involves hard and honest communication.
There is a sentiment that people should not shy away from expressing their true feelings and thoughts, even if it means being vulnerable.
The author expresses that vulnerability is crucial for deepening relationships and that it is worth the risk.
The article suggests that people tend to respond to others in the manner they prefer to be treated themselves, which can lead to misunderstandings if not addressed.
It is conveyed that boundaries are essential, and individuals should preemptively decide on their limits to avoid chaos in interpersonal dynamics.
The concept of needing to be liked is seen as potentially dangerous, leading to inauthenticity and unhappiness.
The author values self-respect and honesty in relationships and encourages standing up for oneself to achieve contentment.
The process of learning to meet one's emotional needs is acknowledged as a challenging journey that requires self-awareness, vulnerability, and practice, but it is ultimately rewarding.

Get Your Needs Met

Its time for relationships that bring you joy

Relationships are work. But have you ever wondered what exactly is “the work?” I mean, seriously, do you know? Most people don’t. I am willing to tell you, but be prepared to realize, the “work” is hard.

The “work” is communication with nothing left unsaid. In interpersonal relationships, as well as in business, communication is critical. However, individuals believe they are doing the “work” when they are not, and this tends to lead to misunderstandings.

How To Communicate

The key to communication is expressing, openly, many of the thoughts you are embarrassed to admit. You need to tell your partner if you feel awkward or breach the subject that your business partner‘s judgment is questionable. Do not leave unaddressed feelings time to build.

There are always people that say they speak the brutal truth. Good for them. But there are many ways to be honest with someone. It turns out that the truth is entirely subjective, based on assumptions, and rarely logical.

Sink into yourself, and you will find that others are more likely to relate to you.

What stops people from doing the “work” is the risk of being vulnerable. However, vulnerability deepens relationships. For instance, I conversed with my mortgage broker today. We had built a repertoire based on niceties such as compliments and finding similarities. However, when I asked him a question he did not want to hear, trouble followed.

My question to my mortgage broker pertained to the high costs of closing. Insulted by the question, a major lapse in professionalism occurred that I did not expect. He argued that he was worth the extra cost. I was astounded.

To close the loan quickly, outweighed my need to be treated fairly. With logic on my side, I explained why I mentioned this issue; and I allowed him to answer. People want to be heard. Period.

After I listened to him, I changed my tune and apologized. If I needed to work one on one with him throughout this process, then reconciling with him was going to work to my benefit.

Sometimes, the answer is that the ego must be set aside, and trade-offs are made to get one’s needs met.

Mirroring

If you are in need, and someone expresses how they care, the way they choose to respond is the way they would like others to respond to them in similar scenarios.

People love others in the ways they want to be loved: nothing is without reason. Therefore, if you are mourning a loss of a friend or relative and a person expresses that they will pray for you, that is precisely how they want to be treated during a loss.

This concept is confusing for some people because they expect another to respond the way they would prefer. However, people are not mind-readers. Be thankful that they choose to respond at all. And later, teach them about your needs if you want the relationship to expand.

Keep in mind, some people are incapable of meeting your needs on your terms. You are accountable to decide if they will remain your friend or become an acquaintance. Life does not happen to you. You are a large part of the process.

Boundaries

Boundaries are a controversial subject because the concept is hard to explain. Some people say, “boundaries are where you stop, and another begins.” But what does that mean?

It is wise to predetermine your boundaries in advance. Being overrun by another person and stopping them midway to tell them what you find acceptable or find unacceptable causes chaos. This means you must look within yourself and decide to what degree you will accept the actions of others. And at the same time, you must establish the boundaries for which you abide.

For example, when your boss calls you on your day off to come into work, you must know how you will respond. Never say yes to something you do not want to do again.

Therefore, plan in advance if you have the time to help out at work or if you need time to recharge on your day off. Some employers will make requests laden with guilt. If guilt is a trigger for you, plan ahead how to maintain your boundaries without forfeiting your day off.

With practice, learning to heed to your boundaries will become natural. And your life will improve tremendously. You will no longer have to wait to find out how you will react to someone’s plea if your boundaries are intact.

Know Your Needs

Many people believe that they know what they need from life. Yet, unhappiness prevails. Establishing how to live a fulfilling life takes a concerted effort. It is nice to project a laissez-faire attitude, but does it align with who you really are inside?

Our inclination is to take the easiest route to be loved. But there is danger in that approach. First, you are not authentic. Second, you will end up unhappy, and third, you may believe you are a victim of circumstance. None of these possibilities leads to contentment.

You are worth standing up for what you want. In my life, I do not allow people to yell at me or manipulate me. I will absolutely walk away. Knowing that I need to be treated kindly and with honesty took years of trial and error. But eventually, we all get to a point where enough is enough.

And guess what? People will adjust to you if you adjust to them. Do not fear doing the “work” of voicing what you will tolerate from someone else. That is how relationships grow.

Contentment

The road to contentment begins with knowing yourself, learning to be accountable, and gaining the courage to be vulnerable and express how you feel.

Like everything else in life, this takes practice. Do not beat yourself up if you do not quickly learn how to meet your needs. The process of discovering who you are within will offer rewards beyond your comprehension. And, your life, it will be a sweet-smelling rose garden that you tend to daily with contentment and pleasure.