Failing to Succeed | Illumination | Personal Essay

Get Excited about “Failures” because They Lead You to Greater Success

Rejections feel awful, until you realize later how happy you are somewhere else.

If you’ve been around me recently, you’ve probably heard me complaining about being a type three.

Type threes, according to the Enneagram Institute, are “The Achievers.” They’re success-driven and image-conscious.

As a type three, I constantly put pressure on myself to do better, to be the best. I yearn to succeed in traditional and visible ways.

And when I don’t, it wrecks me.

My inability to find a job post-graduation tore me up; I cried almost daily for weeks. To add onto that, I felt like I was constantly seeing and hearing about other people getting jobs, which made me instantly feel inadequate and hopeless.

But then I realized that success doesn’t have to mean getting a 9 to 5 corporate job right after graduation. Success looks different for everyone; we all have our different paths that are worth respect and appreciation.

And what’s more, my “failures” — or the different companies I applied to but never heard back from — turned into one of my greatest joys, realizations and excitements. I realized that a 9 to 5 isn’t what I want. I want to work for myself and write all day, if possible. I’ve done that for a couple weeks now and I’m so much happier. I’m working hard to achieve my dreams in my own way.

In his song “Anthem,” Leonard Cohen wrote this: “There is a crack, a crack in everything / That’s how the light gets in.”

Had I not “failed,” I wouldn’t have succeeded. Had my job-hunting experience not had a “crack,” I wouldn’t have found my inner and outer light, my happiness and success, as a freelance writer.

Zoe Skylar explained it like this: “For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen: A gaseous nebula must collapse. So collapse. Crumble. This is not your destruction. This is your birth.”

In my lowest moments, when I was depressed and felt like I was crumbling, like I would never get a job or be happy again, this quote gave me hope.

To become successful, I would have to fail first. To be bright, I would have to fall apart.

Many famous and entrepreneurial people struggled before they found success, and they didn’t “succeed” in the ways we typically think of until they were older.

Walt Disney’s editor once told him he wasn’t creative enough. Mark Cuban lost his job before he started working for himself and became a billionaire. A TV producer told Oprah she was too emotional and unfit for television news.

Self-talk is a crucial part of getting through these challenges. We have to remind ourselves that these tough moments will pass and that they don’t mean we won’t become successful people, or that we’re only worthy if we fit into society’s standards of success.

We also have to be mindful of when the devil’s talking.

I believe that the devil attacks us where we’re strongest. We can tear our own selves down where we’re weak. But our strong points are what scares him, where we “need” attacking.

This may be partially why you have a strong résumé but no job. This may be partially why you’re a great singer but didn’t make it onto American Idol. This may be partially why you’re a great partner but still single.

Where you think you’re weak is actually where you’re strong.

I encourage you to try to see your failures as successes. It’ll open your eyes up to all the opportunities now available to you. Think back to times when you were glad something didn’t work out because then something better did. Think back to times that a failure in one area led to an opportunity in another.

Where God closes a door, God opens a window.

It’s an annoyingly cliché saying, but it’s true. Just hold out and hold onto hope a little longer.

Like 2 Corinthians 12:9 in the Bible says, “But God said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

Instead of bragging about your successes, brag about your failures. Realize that God is saving you from wasted time doing something you’ll hate so you can soon be fully engaging in something you love. Know that your “failures” don’t define you as a person, nor do they render you unsuccessful.