Generational Gap

A fiction about a girl and her grandmother in a coffee shop

“Grandma, don’t lick the top of the Frappuccino. That’s gross.”

“Why is it gross? There’s whoop cream on it.”

“Grandma, stop.”

“Sweetie, Grandma has a headache. How about if we just sit here and quietly judge each other from our respective generational vantage points.”

“Whatever…”

…

“Sweetie, don’t sit like that. That old lecher is looking at you.”

“What old lecher? And, why do I care if he looks at me.”

“If you want to be what he thinks about tonight when he’s ‘relaxing’, that’s your business, I suppose.”

“omygodgramda will you please stop!”

“Yes I will. If you will sit up like a nice young lady. Or, at least like a girl who isn’t destined to become a cheap trollop.”

“This is why Mom and Dad are talking about putting you in a nursing home.”

“Because I think highly of my granddaughter and I want her to sit up straight in a public coffee shop?”

“No, because of the things you say.”

“Because I come out and say that the man sitting over there looking up your skirt, which is way too short to begin with, is a filthy scumbag and that perhaps you shouldn’t be showing off your privates to every Hairy Dick Tom in the building?”

“It’s ‘Tom, Dick and Harry,’ Grandma.”

“You say it how you like; I’ll do the same.”

“I’m saying it correctly.”

“You’re just repeating a cliché. I’m making a valid point. And, thank you for sitting up straight. I do appreciate it.”

“You’re making a scene, Grandma. He’s leaving now.”

“As well he should. Creeps don’t hang around people with a self-esteem. They thrive on little girls and boys who don’t have any.”

“Why do you have to talk like that, Grandma?”

“You’re thirteen years old. I’ve had just a little more experience in this ugly world than you have.”

“I think the world you grew up in was different.”

“Same song, second verse. Couldn’t get better, but it’s gonna get worse.”

“If you start singing, I’m walking home.”

“Be my guest. Maybe your lecher friend will give you a ride. If you’re nice he might even give you a piece of candy.”

“ohmygodgramdma!”

“Well, the way you’re sitting again. Clearly you don’t care what other people think, so why are you so bothered by what I say?”

“Please, let’s just judge each other quietly.”

*Snapchat arrives*

“Oh my God, Grandma! What are you sending me?!”

*Snapchat messenger*

“That’s what the rest of us are seeing. If you don’t like it, don’t sit that way.”

“That’s not nice, Grandma.”

“That’s my point.”

“Oh my God, did I really look like that to that man?”

“Worse.”

“Thank you for telling me. OMG, I’m so sorry I was such a youknowwhat.”

“You’re welcome and I forgive you.”

“Please delete that picture.”

“I don’t have to; it’s Snapchat. It only lasts 3 seconds, then it’s gone.”

“I love you, Grandma.”

“I love you, too, sweetie.”

“Grandma, what if they do put you in a nursing home?”

“Sweetie, the day I can’t stand up to your mother and father is the day they need to put me in a home.”