Gay Resorts Aren’t The Only Places To Vacation!

Break out and see the world

Gay men love their vacations! So many books, websites, and magazines are devoted to quenching their thirst for world exploration.

But wait!

Look closer, and you’ll see that the gay vacation world consists of about six destinations in the U.S. Many gay men only go to gay towns and resorts when they travel. And Las Vegas. My God, how many hangovers do we need?!

The most popular gay destinations are West Hollywood, Palm Springs, Key West, Fort Lauderdale/South Beach, Fire Island, and Provincetown. The only place I can think of in the middle of the country is Saugatuck, Michigan.

You’ll find a gay element in any town or city if it has a gay bar. Where I’m from (Chicago), gay bars are alive and well, but their numbers have declined. Where I currently live (Albuquerque), there are exactly two and a half gay bars. With a metro population of 900,000, we could sustain a couple more.

As an aside, I had the pleasure of visiting Bismarck, North Dakota recently. Their metro area is about 135,000 and they have zero gay bars. In fact, unless there are a couple in disguise, there are NO gay bars in North Dakota (although a few claim to be “gay friendly”.)To top it off, only 1.7% of the state’s population identifies as LGBTQ. If you’re gay and you live in North Dakota: sorry, not sorry.

Is the veneer of gay bars wearing off? Is it possible that as we become more assimilated into society, there is a lesser need for gay bars?

For the younger set, gay bars are safe, places where they can be themselves. They may not yet be out to their family and their community. Gay bars are where many of us grew up. But a lot of us no longer frequent them. For “older” gay men who are married or partnered, they don’t hold the same allure as they once did. They were places to pick up Mr. Right Now. Some of us met our partners there.

There is a group for everyone on Facebook, and I belong to one that is for gay men who are 60 years or older. Many of the posts can have hundreds of responses. So most of these men are boomers settling into middle and sometimes old age. From what I’ve read, not many of them go to gay bars anymore.

Of course, we know that gay bars are less frequented than they once were because of the plethora of gay hookup apps and sites, not to mention Covid. For the retired, bars may be too much of a luxury. After all, you can easily spend $100 or more on a night out. Despite what the public may think, we’re not all made of money! Millennials are saddled with debt, which may hinder them from going out.

Gay bars will never die, but they may become less prevalent because of these factors.

Anyway, back to those gay towns and resorts.

I have many friends who only vacation in places like these. I see them on Facebook and their Instagram posts, so I know. Every year, the same old thing.

I can see vacationing in a gay resort once in a while, but it most likely wouldn’t be the destination. For instance, when I go to Southern California, the point is usually to see and hang out with friends and family members. I might add a few days before or after that to go to Palm Springs. But even there, I’ve got a lot of friends, so it’s more about socializing than it is about manhunting.

It’s great to be among your tribe where we are in our comfort zone. But, wherever you can be yourself is a good place to be.

But what about what else the world has to offer? I can’t begin to write about the cool and unusual places I’ve been around the country and across the world that are places to see before you die.

Traveling is the only thing you buy that makes you richer.” ~ Anonymous

That saying rings true, but not all of us are made of money. Long-distance travel is expensive. So is domestic travel, for that matter, post-Covid. (For some ideas about domestic travel on the cheap, read this.) Most gay resorts also tend to be relatively expensive. So why not forego that annual trip to Key West for two years and instead spend the money on vacation abroad?

I’ve never been on a cruise, and I’ve never really had the desire. While Virgin Voyages has put together a product that mildly intrigues me, there are places I’d rather check off my bucket list first. But a gay cruise? Oh no, not me. Well, maybe if I were single (which I am!) There would be unlimited eye candy, but you can get that on porn or your phone. Why spend thousands of dollars when you could cruise at home for free?

This year’s big vacation was a two-week road trip up and down the Great Plains. I did it alone because no one else would have wanted to go with me, not there! Also, I wanted to go where I wanted to go and do what I wanted to do. I wanted to go to an area of the country I’d never seen, and I was pleasantly surprised. There are some interesting landforms you wouldn’t expect there. And for a big taste of American history, you can relive it on the Great Plains.

Now just so you know, I have been to Key West. I learned the hard way that it’s not easy being monogamous there. We stayed at a gay, clothing-optional bed and breakfast. My boyfriend at the time was fast asleep one night, and I couldn’t. So I made my way down to the pool to smoke, and there was one rather hot soul down there. So I started a conversation, and before I knew it, we were fucking in his room.

As I made my exit, I glanced across the courtyard to where our room was, and there he was, looking right at me. We had been monogamous at the time, so the rest of the vacation kind of sucked.

Maybe that’s why I have an aversion to gay resorts.

The only two gay resorts that I have not been to are Fire Island and Provincetown, and I likely never will. I have no family east of the Mississippi, and all my good friends live out west. I’ve been to all the principal cities and high points in the East and have no reason to return. I’d rather spend time visiting new places or discovering more that’s in my own backyard.

A good gay vacation travel expert can help point you in a new direction. Chances are, they’ve been where you want to go. Check out the IGLTA website (International Gay and Lesbian Travel Association) to find gay-friendly vendors. And this Afar magazine article features a detailed list of dos and donts for gay travelers.

But for heaven’s sake, get outta Dodge and find something new!

More about places by Arthur Keith:

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