Gaslighting: What It Is. What It Does.

We see the term “gaslighting” everywhere these days. It’s become a ubiquitous allegation in the mainstream media and in social media. But what exactly does it mean? Is it a part of how we communicate in our modern world? Are others doing it to us? Are we doing it to others? And what are its consequences?

Defining Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a psychological tactic that involves manipulating someone into doubting their own memories, perception, and even sanity. The term is derived from Patrick Hamilton’s 1938 stage play “Gas Light,” later adapted into a film, where the protagonist’s husband systematically manipulates her into believing she is going insane (Stern, 2018).

Psychologists define gaslighting as a form of psychological manipulation aimed at making the victim question their reality. The gaslighter employs a variety of tactics such as denying, contradicting, minimizing, and lying to distort the victim’s perception of reality (Sarkis, 2018).

Gaslighting is often subtle and slow, starting with minor alterations in reality and gradually escalating. This methodical approach can lead victims to accept significantly altered perceptions of reality, doubting their own judgement, and ultimately, discrediting their self-worth (Stern, 2018).

The Overdiagnosis of Gaslighting in Popular Culture

As gaslighting becomes a more recognized term in our collective vocabulary, it is important to consider the implications of its overdiagnosis in our popular culture. The use of this term has seeped into our everyday conversations, being used loosely to describe various forms of disagreements and misunderstandings. As the term is used more liberally, its definition becomes blurred, which can lead to confusion about what constitutes actual gaslighting. While increasing awareness of such abusive behavior is beneficial, the overdiagnosis of gaslighting can dilute the term’s meaning and belittle the experiences of actual victims.

Misinterpretation and Overuse

The phenomenon of gaslighting has gained increased attention in recent years, particularly on social media platforms. However, the term is often used incorrectly to describe any situation where one feels misunderstood, dismissed, or disagreed with (Sweet, 2019). For instance, a simple disagreement can be misconstrued as gaslighting, when in fact, it is a normal part of human interaction.

Misusing the term can lead to trivializing the severity of gaslighting, which is a tactic often used in abusive relationships and can result in severe psychological harm (Stern, 2018). This misinterpretation can, in turn, lead to victims of genuine gaslighting being overlooked or not taken seriously. The overdiagnosis of gaslighting in popular culture can also lead to unnecessary strain and mistrust in relationships. Misunderstandings or communication gaps, which are common in all types of relationships, can be misidentified as gaslighting, leading to accusations that damage the relationship (Sweet, 2019).

It’s crucial to distinguish between someone who may be unintentionally dismissive or invalidating due to poor communication skills, and someone who is deliberately trying to distort your reality and undermine your sanity. Conflating these behaviors under the banner of gaslighting can lead to escalating conflicts and unnecessary tension in relationships.

How Gaslighting Works

The mechanism of gaslighting comprises three stages: disbelief, defense, and depression (Sarkis, 2017). The disbelief phase begins when the gaslighter starts challenging the victim’s perception. It is often dismissed as a joke or misunderstanding.

The defense phase sees the victim questioning their judgement. They may start defending themselves to the gaslighter and others, as they now begin to accept the gaslighter’s reality.

In the final stage, depression, the victim may feel anxious, depressed, and isolated as their sense of reality has been significantly distorted. They may also struggle with a feeling of being “stuck” in their situation (Sarkis, 2018).

Effects of Gaslighting

Gaslighting can have severe psychological and emotional impacts on its victims. These include, but are not limited to, anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem (Sarkis, n.d.). The prolonged experience of gaslighting may also lead to complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD), which is characterized by emotional flashbacks, a negative self-view, and difficulties with emotional regulation (Karatzias et al., 2016).

Furthermore, gaslighting has societal implications. This phenomenon is not restricted to personal relationships but can be found in various social settings such as workplaces and political arenas. The impact is often collective, affecting the dynamics of the group and encouraging cultures of manipulation and deceit (Beerbohm & Davis, 2021).

Countering Gaslighting

Combating gaslighting begins with awareness and recognition. Understanding the signs of gaslighting, such as persistent denial of facts, blatant lying, or constant criticism, can help identify it (Sarkis, n.d.). Professional help from therapists and counselors, especially those specializing in manipulation or abuse, can help victims navigate the situation and regain their self-confidence.

In addition, maintaining personal records of events and conversations can serve as a reality check. This practice can help reaffirm personal experiences and memories, countering the gaslighter’s attempts to rewrite reality (Sarkis, 2018).

Finally, it’s critical to ensure self-care and seek supportive environments. Connecting with understanding friends, family, or support groups can provide validation and help victims start to rebuild their sense of reality and self-worth (Stern, 2018).

True gaslighting is a malicious manipulation strategy with severe psychological impacts. Recognizing its signs and seeking appropriate help are vital steps towards recovery and prevention. Societal awareness about gaslighting needs to be raised to combat this form of psychological manipulation and support victims more effectively.

References

Beerbohm, E. & Davis, R. W. (2021), Gaslighting Citizens. American Journal of Political Science. https://doi.org/10.1111/ajps.12678

Karatzias, T., Shevlin, M., Fyvie, C., Hyland, P., Efthymiadou, E., Wilson, D., Roberts, N., Bisson, J.I., Brewin, C.R., & Cloitre, M. (2016). An initial psychometric assessment of an ICD-11 based measure of PTSD and complex PTSD (ICD-TQ): Evidence of construct validity. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 44, 73–79.

Sarkis, S. (n.d.). 11 red flags of gaslighting in a relationship. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/11-red-flags-of-gaslighting-in-a-relationship

Sarkis, S. (2018). Gaslighting: Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People — and Break Free. Da Capo Lifelong Books.

Stern, R. (2018). The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life. Harper Collins.

Sweet, P. L. (2019). The Sociology of Gaslighting. American Sociological Review. https://doi.org/10.1177/0003122419874843