GAMERGATE | GROOMING | SEX TRAFFICKING | MANOSPHERE | GAMING
GamerGate, Adult Grooming, and my Boss Battle Against Sex Trafficking
These men who subscribe to the Manosphere ideology often deceive others about how they treat their partners.
Note: My stories candidly portray my experiences, thoughts, and emotions, which may be intense for some readers, particularly those sensitive to trauma. Reader discretion is advised.
These men who subscribe to the Manosphere ideology often deceive others about how they treat their partners.
They assert that women covertly “enjoy” (projection) or “deserve” (misogyny) such treatment, or harbor secret desires or fantasies about assault.
Additionally, they may condone or even endorse marital rape and the destruction of a woman’s life to exert control over her.
However, the reality is that such behavior involves psychologically abusive tactics that can alter the fear response in a woman’s brain to trigger her ‘tend and befriend’ primal directive among others, and in some cases, there’s the potential for physical abuse, depending on the individual.
One thing is abundantly clear—these men make it known that you are insignificant, will always be so, and should consider yourself fortunate that they are willing to entertain the idea of mistreating or abusing you.
When harm occurs, it’s common for blame to be placed on the woman, labeling them as ‘gullible,’ despite the perpetrators’ calculated use of advanced mental tactics associated with human trafficking.
In these situations, bystanders often fail to protect women, regardless of their qualities.
I became caught in the crossfire of their resentment and destruction, held captive by years-long friendships and their shifting values, morals, and ethics, and newfound allegiance to “toxic masculinity,” dominance, power, and control. Each coerced action and manipulated decision further chipped away at my consent and autonomy.
I found myself trapped in a web of terror and uncertainty, manipulated into acquiescence against my will.
They didn’t tell people these parts though.
The boundaries I had previously set and tried to maintain had been eroded and were overshadowed by the dominance exerted over me. Whenever I dared to question the teachings and demands that were being forced on me, my world was turned upside down by those who had once praised them as “life changing.”
I faced criticism for questioning the rhetoric that trained, degreed, and licensed professionals had helped me to understand—a common criticism related to my Autism and communication style that I allegedly shouldn’t have, despite being unable to change how my brain functions at will.
As they embraced new beliefs, it led to the inevitable destruction of everything I knew.
I was perplexed by the sudden shift and found the experience to be horrifying, confusing, panic-inducing, and depressing.
Over time, the accusations leveled against me became increasingly absurd and paranoid, 99% of them completely made up, with my every action scrutinized for a hidden message that might confirm the biases being weaponized by their leaders, and twisted beyond recognition.
I had no idea what was happening anymore.
It appeared that certain individuals, who were later exposed as cult recruiters, traffickers, and predators, would pose as “influencers” and “coaches” to conceal their true agendas.
They promoted a skewed and cherry-picked interpretation of human behavior under the guise of “evolutionary psychology”—an incredibly flawed approach that I will discuss later, which barely qualifies as science.
They unjustly turned me into the “scapegoat” for their existential crises, past traumas, the maltreatment from their abusive mothers, and their frustrations—issues I neither caused nor attempted to resolve because I wasn’t trained to do so, leaving me feeling helpless within the situation.
I refrained from engaging in assisting these strangers, a decision that they twisted into a weapon, painting it as a display of “misandry” or a desire to #killallmen, instead of acknowledging that it wasn’t my responsibility.
I didn’t know them well, I wasn’t equipped to handle their intense projection and transference, or any other reasonable aspect that a typical person would recognize.
I just wanted to play video games, engage in fun banter, and relax from my long shifts at work.
It wasn’t in line with my training or for any logical and rational reason—reasons that I was incapable of ascertaining because I was born with a vagina…apparently.
In the spring of 2016, shortly after the man I believed was my unofficial (by his own choice) polyamorous partner left me, citing his ‘lack of time,’ which aligned precisely with the instructions given in the cult’s handbook, I experienced sustained and distressing online abuse and blackmail directed at certain screen names that very few knew belonged to me.
This ‘lack of time’ reason was allegedly presented to trigger the “chase” reaction in a woman as part of the “discard” stage following the initial “love bombing” stage, or so I was told by the cult recruiters pretending to be “coaches.”
I was told to chase because “he secretly loved that,” supposedly to demonstrate to him how much I really loved and cared for him, despite this being counter to every natural instinct in me.
However, I am Autistic, so what do I know?
These blackmailers were remarkably adept at targeting deeply private details between us. This led us to reasonably suspect that they were associated with my soon-to-be sex trafficker and his network.
I had no idea about the mentally distressing experiences they would put me through in this real-life “Black Mirror” social experiment they forced me into. Initially, it was merely annoying, but it gradually transformed into something downright terrifying and 100% nightmare fuel.
The abusive ordeal I endured included the manipulation of data that had been exclusively shared with him, initially believed to be intimate role-playing between us, but was distorted to incite the most hate towards me.
When young creators on YouTube, known for their careless oversharing, seek to interview people for their channels, it’s crucial to recognize that they often edit these videos to support a specific narrative.
If you pay attention to the camera angles, you’ll frequently find that the responses given by women don’t actually match the questions they appear to be answering.
In many cases, the response is to a completely different question than what was shown, or the women were compensated to provide a particular response to a question that wasn’t even asked at that moment.
These edits are crafted to make it look as if the women truly hold certain beliefs.
Sometimes they do, but in most cases, they do this by rearranging evidence to fit a different story and asking targeted questions to provoke specific responses.
These methods are often referred to as “selective editing” or “contextomy,” involving the intentional editing of footage or transcripts to present a distorted or misleading representation of the initial context or statements.
This manipulation is employed in a practice known as “proxy recruitment,” aimed at enticing people, sometimes young teens, to join the cult being promoted.
Additionally, it may involve “leading questioning,” which is a technique of asking specific questions to prompt desired responses and create a particular narrative.
I felt overwhelmed, crushed, hurt, scared, and experienced a wide range of emotions that I believed he was more guarded in expressing publicly like this. I became cannon fodder for hateful men who were betraying our friendship, my livelihood, career, and family for online clout. 😭
I legitimately wanted to die. They took everything from me.
This included Federal level illegal gangstalking, doxxing, blackmail, threats, extortion, and malicious smear campaigns that distorted my true self and intentions. Despite never subjecting others to this treatment, I was still portrayed as the “bad” guy.
The individuals whom Reddit and Discord protected under the guise of ‘anonymity,’ alongside Section 230 protection offered by our government, which is meant to benefit the people, held mistaken beliefs about me and showed a lack of concern for the truth or the broader context.
I was trapped and every passing day got worse and worse.
They overlooked the fact that I am Autistic and may not always grasp certain social interactions. They failed to recognize that any missteps on my part were not part of an ‘intentional malicious scheme’ to drain them of everything they worked hard on, as they kept accusing me, without providing any proof whatsoever.
Furthermore, they neglected my safety during a particularly chaotic and traumatizing period for women in gaming.
GamerGate would later be recognized as one of the most violent times for women in gaming, resulting in tragic consequences for tens of thousands of women, including myself, who were targeted by increasingly unfounded accusations and evidence fraud from men within the Manosphere.
The later exposés made it clear that they were fully aware of their exploitative behaviors.
They were caught making plans to exploit and traffic women without remorse, intending to “give her the Red Pill” as punishment.
In the following years, “Amber Hearding” became a term for employing every conceivable tactic to publicly and financially destroy her and make sure she was aware of how much she was despised by the man mistreating her.
“Shit. This is exactly what they're doing to me. I can't breathe. I can't function.”
Unfortunately, the harm had already been done, and I couldn’t stop feeling disconnected. This was affecting my work and the excellent care I usually provided to all my clients.
I would drift off at my paid gigs that people paid me thousands of dollars to attend, and my husband would have to snap me back to reality when I should have been focused on what I was hired to do.
Moreover, they shared content with my social circles gathered by grooming me and using Remote Access Trojans to isolate me for years, carefully selecting evidence to use against me when anyone naturally responds to the utter devastation of your life—all for their own entertainment.
She knows things and the Manosphere has worked hard to recruit for their online army of “Lover Boy” predators who destroy the lives of whatever target that speaks against it, no matter how right they actually are.
It’s a ‘mind control’ cult and it’s becoming a terrorist organization right before our eyes and nothing is being done?! Why?!
And there is nothing you can do.
None of the police officers I’ve encountered have provided me with a sense of validation.
Describing the actions taken by these men, including coercing me into degrading acts, like the man who spent over a year convincing me he loved me, forcing my head down to swallow him ‘or else,’ under threats of public online abuse, the lack of consequences emboldens them.
This behavior was openly discussed in their online conversations.
I am addressing the jurisdictions in New Mexico State, Washington State, Illinois State, and Ontario, Canada. The process of filing my reports should have been less traumatic.
It was disheartening to receive advice like “just stay away from them” from female officers, especially when I was being actively hunted.
The government’s virtue signaling with their “we’re doing the best we can” propaganda is pathetic.
I should have been able to navigate a system that allows me to gather essential evidence for my case based on the proof I’ve provided. Instead, I was repeatedly dismissed, which made me feel as though I was an inconvenience for even daring to report the crimes.
At that time, crucial evidence was being destroyed while I awaited the necessary callbacks and paperwork to be filed. 😵💫
“Her breakup was anything but ‘normal’; it led to the complete destruction of everything in her life, much like the ordeal I went through regarding her being portrayed as the abuser when, in fact, she was the one being abused.” — Witness
If she ended up taking her own life because of the horrific psychological abuse imposed on her, they’d absolve themselves of any responsibility, merely brushing it off as something “she chose to do,” so ‘oh well.’ 🤷♀️
This pattern ultimately led to the establishment of their own miniature sex cults for the purpose of sex trafficking and exploitation, similar to what ultimately led to Keith Raniere’s downfall.
Therefore, it seems as if the shutdown of NXIVM was merely a façade, as the handbooks had already been converted to a new “dog whistle” ‘language.’
The behavior without the new labels is how they’re moving.
After enduring the trauma of being lured across international borders under the guise of ‘love’, but strategically abandoned, and forced into a push and pull cycle by individuals I had considered friends for years, I was subjected to severe psychological, emotional abuse, blackmail, extortion, forced isolation, and career destruction.
All of this was overwhelming for me as I struggled to mentally comprehend the level of mental derangement hitting me from all sides, despite my belief that I was safe with them.
It was during this time that I became aware of the arrest of Keith, who had fled to Mexico, and others within that network.
The downfall began in 2017, which was less than a year after my sexual exploitation and trafficking ordeal, eerily closely relating to my ongoing case that has yet to receive justice.
I’ve been told that it will likely never happen due to reasons that I’ve driven myself mad trying to comprehend.
For months, I was stunned, numb, in denial and in shock, as I never even joined anything to begin with. This was all from one relationship that was sold to me as ‘polyamory.’
As a quick lesson, Autistic individuals often possess an automatic coping skill skill known as “masking,” which involves concealing their symptoms temporarily by conforming to social norms and mimicking the behavior of non-autistic individuals.
Unfortunately, society sometimes makes fun of this behavior, accuses Autistic individuals of “lying,” or holds other ignorant uneducated perspectives.
The process is similar to how actors and actresses portray roles, but it’s not often intentional.
Instead, it’s a learned response that develops during childhood and in response to societal challenges. These responses stem from underlying neurobiological differences and mirror neuron issues that impact our ability to “naturally” navigate social cues and body movements “normally.”
They are almost always also abuse survivors.
These social challenges often escalate into anxiety, extreme self-isolation, and a sense of dread, exacerbated by the pressure to conform to conventional “social roles” in a world that simultaneously wants us to feel safe, but struggles to understand how to achieve that, and won’t change to assist with that.
Additionally, sensory sensitivities are another common aspect, where certain sounds, lights, or textures can be either intolerable or sought after for comfort.
This is the daily reality for many dealing with Autism, including myself.
They accomplished all of this terrorism on my life starting in 2015 by deceiving me and other neurodivergent victims with false promises of “love,” manipulating information, coercion, extortion, and utilizing an adult grooming process known as “The Lover Boy Method.”
This method gained significant attention in worldwide news following the arrest of Andrew Tate and his brother, Tristan Tate, at the end of 2022, but they were not the origin of this pattern, nor were they the conclusion of it.
The situation was deeply overwhelming for me, as I was simply trying to live my life, enjoy my hobbies, save for my children’s college fund, and pursue my photography and writing dreams.
But, I also wanted a little more love than I was getting.
I generally stayed in my own lane and didn’t think I would be a target, but I later found out that I fit the exact profile of those targeted by sex traffickers, abusers, and exploiters.
I am introverted and didn’t enjoy partying because my career had me at parties every weekend; instead, I preferred to entertain myself by reading and studying various subjects, cultivating plants, and immersing myself in video game stories.
I also did not partake in casual sexual relationships and preferred to stay at home. I also found joy in sharing witty jokes to brighten people’s lives and preferred to stay true to myself even though I was a bit of an odd duck.
I was ‘encouraged’ by men to cater to their sexual desires and was not given the opportunity to refuse.
The ‘encouragement’ to give in by force was exerted through various means such as threats, blackmail, coercion, extortion, and doxxing, which led to instances of gangstalking, destruction in my life, smear campaigns, and other forms of severe mental and emotional abuse.
To my dismay, even my own mother ambushed me with “cheating” accusations in 2021, and when I expressed reluctance and fear from her “someone is using information against you” comments, she made false statements on a police report about her coded covert threats, making it even more challenging and draining to pursue my case.
Even though they all vehemently denied this later, they initiated multiple vicious smear and discrediting campaigns against me.
Additionally, they infiltrated my social networks and were triangulating my loved ones against me, despite the fact that I had not yet named them or done the same to them.
It’s important to note that none of my private networks were ever breached, which made everything extremely suspicious to anyone with a working brain.
I had no choice and every exit was blocked off systemically.
Eventually, we discovered that much of the evidence used against me had been heavily edited, constituting evidence fraud for public and private defamation, a tactic akin to the treatment of sex trafficking victims who speak out, involving coercive control, intimidation, blackmail, and extortion.
The fuller truth didn’t matter.
As a result, I started to experience chronic and debilitating dissociation, which is a common indicator of the adult grooming process linked to sex trafficking, exploitation, and extreme trauma.
Subsequently, my psyche started to fracture into compartmentalized fragments, which ultimately led to at least 16 different parts forming as a means of coping with everything I endured over the course of eight long years.
Then I learned that these individuals were aware that certain strategic mental pressure points could manipulate a woman’s brain, and employing these tactics would assist in their exploitative endeavors and enable their escape.
I transitioned from being a multiple award-winning and successful individual in 2015 to a woman who could barely maintain focus on the things I once loved by the end of 2016.
By 2017, I tried to end my life.
In response to my refusal to comply with their demands and blackmail, false and damaging information about me was edited, tightly cropped, and repeatedly exposed online as punishment on highly hateful platforms like Reddit and 4Chan, until I provided them with substantial amounts of false confessions begging for “mercy,” which were later used as blackmail and extortion against me anyways.
This was done even though it represented only around 1% of the actual story.
They wanted me to change my story to fit their false public narrative that painted me as someone horrible and abusive, which very few believed, rather than the truth.
Releasing this edited material was later used as punishment for my non-compliance, which is blackmail.
However, it didn’t matter as this evidence fraud was routinely presented to people who vehemently hated women, framing me as evil with the passion of a hundred suns.
This tactic is employed so that the actual truth would likely die with the victim.
They didn’t tell people these parts though.
Just before it seemed that my mind, life, and career were inexplicably unraveling to outside observers who were unaware of what was really going on behind the scenes, I received a private warning via direct message on an account that very few people knew belonged to me.
This incident later emerged as part of a pattern of intimidation, blackmail, and extortion.
The ‘anonymous’ stalker in the transcript below demanded that I confess to “cheating” on my husband to my loved ones, or else they would do it for me.
It was a trap.
We tested this repeatedly in desperate attempts to continue gathering more information with each round of attacks.
Later, we learned that this was intended to further isolate me, exacerbate my dissociation and trauma symptoms, and instill severe fear in my mind so that I would be more likely to comply later.
Every single action was a sign of sexual exploitation and trafficking.
This enabled them to create the terror necessary to traffic me across international borders and continue exploiting me for another seven years, while I continued to be falsely framed, isolated, and repeatedly destroyed with manipulated data.
Each time, “law enforcement” refused to take action, bullied me for struggling to explain what was happening to me, and failed to guide me to the right resources.
My favorite incident from a woman officer in 2023 was when I was told that I “should just leave them alone.”
I couldn’t even comprehend her level of mental gymnastics honestly. I felt alone, and many people in my life pressured me to conform to a narrative I knew was incorrect in order to make it stop, but even when I did, it didn’t work.
No one would help.
The person who could confirm that this wasn’t cheating was ignoring me, and now my own husband, despite initially giving me permission to engage in this polyamorous relationship so I could explore who I thought I was at the time, was also changing his story and ambushing me with the same accusations.
I wish I could explain to people the pain you get in your brain and heart when this kind of thing happens.
Your inner light goes out and you go cold.
This was despite substantial evidence to the contrary, and it resulted in the sabotage of my career at my client’s parties, causing extreme public humiliation instead of handling the matter in a private setting.
I couldn’t breathe and I wanted to die. I later learned that was the goal.
This mirrored the unfounded accusations made by my former polyamorous partner, Matthew, whom I had trusted and who was aware of my marital status and aversion to casual relationships.
Despite having over 500 pages of texts at this time, and likely a thousand hours or more of conversations through phone and gaming that clearly demonstrated the absence of any concealment, the truth was disregarded during their participation in GamerGate until at least 2023.
Make no mistake, GamerGate has not died.
It became evident that none of us women who had been targeted could receive any assistance from “law enforcement.” We had to contact the media to even get their attention.
They didn’t tell people these parts though.
Another individual whom I considered a friend, Jon, also attempted to utilize “The Lover Boy Method” on me several times without my knowledge.
However, I became aware of his true intentions and actions thanks to the professional help I received following the previous attempt. I hadn’t felt that trapped since I was stuck on the island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean with a man who unleashed the worst violence on me I had ever gone through, and I was only eight.
I will discuss this further later, as he sought to coerce me into becoming a paid e-girlfriend through blackmail and extortion, tactics that are illegal and deemed exploitative.
I almost got sex trafficked by a “friend” again, and he denied everything when my husband, who witnessed a lot of the adult grooming, called him out on what he was doing to his wife.
He was “shocked.”
LIAR.
I truly believed I was in some Twilight Zone, and it led me to record everything happening in my days through my dictation app just to confirm if I was actually experiencing this or if I was in some psychotic break, but it was all real.
I couldn’t believe it. I was terrified.
In 2022, shortly after the statute of limitations of blackmail had expired, and following his years of repeated unreciprocated expressions of love and suggestions that I could be a paid e-girlfriend for others and him, he ambushed me and confronted me in my home on two separate occasions about my sex life.
I was in shock.
The first instance was privately between us and my dictation app when my husband went upstairs for a bit. This involved him trying to obtain a false confession of cheating, despite not being involved in my sex life at all, which was none of his business.
The second time, he falsely accused me of ‘cheating’ in the presence of my husband and child, in my home, after asking to come over to play board games and hang out.
I wanted to vomit because they made it clear this was never going to end. So I ended our entire “friendship” in all caps via text after he left, never to see me and my “false accusations” again.
LIAR.
It seemed as though they wanted me to quietly submit to their false accusations (projection) and fraudulently created narratives, which is also a key component in trafficking and exploitation.
They didn’t tell people these parts though.
However, he never once disclosed to me that our years-long friendship and our conversations would be used against me in what’s called sex cult “collateral.”
He never informed me that he would attempt to assert dominance and control over me without my willingness, interest, or consent, or that it was part of a long pattern leading to exploitation and attempted trafficking.
Despite his sharing a distorted version of events and attempting not only to gaslight me but also my husband, after being confronted and witnessed doing so in our own home and in front of my child, I want to clarify that I never once slept with him, nor would I have.
I heard he may have told others this, so I’m clearing it up just in case. It was hard for me to see my friend in the state he was in. He was about 5’4" and weighed around 400 pounds.
While I tried to be there for him, I found it difficult to feel attracted to someone who seemed to lack self-love to this level. He always said he was “working on it,” but after five years, nothing had changed.
In the end, I had to end our friendship permanently because he was using extortion and blackmail to pressure me for sexual favors and all the ‘warnings’ before he was just not grasping.
My therapist said that since he told me he was Borderline that this may have been feigned ignorance. I definitely believe that now, because you’d have to be seriously low IQ to be that ignorant.
His attempt to spread a “falling out” story to one of my best friends through text, while trying to maintain a connection to the in-person gaming group I introduced him to, made it clear that he believed he could still be around me after everything that had happened.
They didn’t tell people these parts though.
In late 2016, Jon was designated as my “safety contact” when I met the Canadian man, Matthew, I believed cared for me in Toronto, as I considered Jon to be a good friend.
This, of course, was before he weaponized this information against me. I was afraid and the police made it clear capitulation with a smile was the only way I was going to find my way out of this.
I did what I believed I had to and that’s led to a lot of hate being thrown my way, but until you’re in this absolute mind fuck of a situation, I don’t want to hear it anymore.
When pretty much every single one of your male friends joins a online cult that’s later deemed to be a homegrown terrorist organization, then we can talk.
These were gaming buddies. Our life of crime consisted of doing bank heists in Grand Theft Auto Online, not real organized crimes.
Matthew was the same man who had broken my heart less than a year before, completely ignored my pleas for help with the online attacks that were targeted at me and had data only provided to him, and attempted to earn his way back into my life through a process called “memory anchoring.”
By strategically linking positive or significant memories with the abuser’s push and pull methods, the victim’s emotions and attachments are manipulated, creating a sense of trust and dependency.
It also creates an addiction.
This process can involve intensely personal and intimate experiences or sentimental gestures that are designed to create a deep emotional connection with the abuser.
This also serves as a personalized “dog whistle” between the victim and the abuser, where the traumatized victim may experience unexplainable trauma symptoms due to the anchored ‘programming’ that only the abuser will understand.
She becomes secretly programmed with specific triggers, the same ones we get when we have PTSD or C-PTSD, and he can break her down whenever he wants.
Full power and control.
This can later become a powerful tool to maintain control over the victim.
Over time, the victim’s perceptions of the abuser become entwined with these “anchored” memories, making it increasingly difficult for the victim to recognize or break free from the abusive behavior.
In Toronto in 2016, after discovering that Mathhew was a pickup artist and sex trafficker, I attempted to discreetly signal to Jon that I was in trouble when he called me while I was with him, but unfortunately, nobody helped me, nor did any of them report it.
Nobody cared, not even my own mother.
It later became clear that they were likely all connected, and I found myself in serious trouble.