MUSIC MASH UPS, TRACK 8
Game of Thrones — The Musical!
A mash up of popular music and bad writing.
Have you had it up to here with arbitrary plot twists and illogical character behavior and those annoying situations where the writer just has to pull something out of their ass to keep the story moving?
Then welcome to the Deus Ex Machina hate club!
My sons and I were rewatching the movie “Taken” and had to laugh at how the boss told his henchmen to kill Liam Neeson quietly, allowing enough time for a steam pipe connected to the ceiling to conveniently break as Liam Neeson was being strangled.
As we riffed on the silliness of the situation (no gun with silencer? no knife? no lethal injection?), the idea of deus ex machina got mashed up with La Macarena, and turned into “Deus Ex Machinea.”
Having driven in Paris at all hours of the day and night, the idea of Neeson being able to drive a car along the Seine and catch up to his daughter’s kidnappers was even more comical and led to this stanza:
Traffic-a in Paris is impossible you say-a Liam Neeson driving with no autos in the way-a Killing every bad guy for a daughter he will save-a Deus ex Machinea!
But there were far too many syllables to fill-a such a lengthy tune.
This was a musical mash up challenge I could not resist.
The choice was either to use ridiculous plot points from multiple movies, or find a massive story that would give me enough content to parody.
Apparently, the Night King approved of this idea:
Without further ado, we proudly present Game of Thrones — The Musical!
Deus Ex Machinea (sung to the tune of La Macarena)
Jamie pushes Bran because he wants to be a play-a. Catelyn wants the imp dead even though he tried to save ‘er Ned gets played by Cersei as the king circles the drain-a Deus ex Machinea!
Tywin writing letters, winning wars, what’s that you say-a?. People trust a guy whose sigil means he’s gonna flay-ya. Jonny Snow believes a kid who’s ready to betray-ya. Deus ex Machinea!
Machinea never has an ending tragic When you rescue heroes just by using magic Doesn’t matter if plot armor’s such a bad trick Doesn’t matter if you break the laws of physics…
Machinea’s stronger than the Dalai Lama Viewers laughing at the wrong time at your drama Doesn’t matter if Dothraki ride a rocket… All that matters is the networks line your pocket!
Arya gets gutted, but recovers in a day-a How’d she take the face off of that servant with a tray-a? Doesn’t matter, we’re so glad she’ll murder Walder Frey-a Deus ex Machinea!
Everyone is dying, arrows falling like the rain-a Ramsey mops the floor with Jonny Snow, no one to save-ya Timing, just like magic, reinforcement’s on the way-a Deus ex Machinea!
[instrumental]
Hooooooo-ooow? Ooooooow-ooow…
Machinea never has an ending tragic When you rescue heroes just by using magic Doesn’t matter if plot armor is a bad trick Doesn’t matter if you break the laws of physics…
Machinea’s stronger than the Dalai Lama Viewers laughing at the wrong time in your drama Doesn’t matter if Dothraki ride a rocket… All that matters is the networks line your pocket!
Loras has his guard down, gets arrested cuz he’s gay-a Margaery keeps lying, never learns that crime don’t pay-a Cersei kills a thousand, blowin’ up the Sept of Bael-a Deus ex Machinea!
Tyrion gets stupid, did his brain turn into clay-a? Yara goin’ down just like her fleet, Blackwater bay-a Stupid trap beyond the wall, the Night King gets his way-a Deus ex Machinea!
Dragon killing arrows flying like a laser ray-a Teleporting navies make you scream “no fuckin’ way-a!” Centuries of legend get erased in like a day-a Deus ex Machinea!
Dany turning psycho like she doesn’t have a brain-a Grey Worm’s like a nazi, killing people, he’s insane-a Tyrion and Jonny just can’t stop at being lame-a Deus ex Machinea!
If you loved Game of Thrones you might like this deep dive into the series finale.
And if you were wondering how Tyrion felt 10 years later, here’s a little piece of ASOIAF fan fiction.