Gained Control
Who is controlling who
The rage I have for you boils over into so many facets of my life.
I am short with my kids, always willing to criticize them on any infraction they make.
My wife and I fight constantly. I say I will change, but that is only to keep her at bay. She loves me enough to believe it, though sometimes I think she is becoming wise.
At work I am never wrong, it is always some dumb motherfuckers’ fault as to why things went sour. Never mine. To admit fault would be to admit that you were right. That I would never amount to anything. That I would always be a failure with a capital FAIL.
No! I will never let you see me like that. Never let your eyes stare me down into thinking you are better than me.
I have figured you out and figured out how to block your voice. I no longer hear you. You no longer control me. I’ve drowned you out with my drinks, my exercise, and my control.
I control my world.
Your world is nothing, just glass. That is why I broke all the mirrors in this house. You will never be able to look at me again. I gained control the day I shattered you.
Or did I?
— Nicole Barden 1/17/2021
