Summary

The author humorously recounts their exasperating interactions with their laptop and virtual assistant, Cortana, highlighting the frustrations and amusing conversations that arise from technology's unpredictability.

Abstract

The article titled "Funny Things I Said To My Laptop Today" is a humorous take on the everyday frustrations of dealing with modern technology. The author shares their personal experience of a day filled with laptop mishaps, from unexpected restarts and freezes to the loss of an entire story due to an accidental deletion. The piece captures the common sentiment of talking to one's laptop, often in a comical and exasperated manner, and the one-sided nature of these conversations, except when Cortana, the virtual assistant, interjects with cheeky responses. The author also touches on the irony of blaming inanimate objects for human errors and the futility of arguing with technology, drawing a parallel to the challenges of arguing with a spouse, albeit with less resistance from the laptop.

Opinions

The author expresses a love-hate relationship with their laptop, acknowledging its convenience but also its tendency to be a source of annoyance.
There is a shared experience among users that involves personifying and scolding laptops for their quirks and malfunctions.
The author feels a sense of helplessness and frustration when technology, such as Cortana, does not comply with their wishes or interrupts uninvited.
The laptop's unpredictable behavior, like shutting down unexpectedly, is compared to the tantrums of a toddler.
The author prefers to blame the laptop for errors rather than accept personal fault, as the laptop cannot defend itself.
A humorous threat is made to the laptop, suggesting a willingness to retaliate for its misbehavior, though it's clear the author is not serious about the threat.
The author finds it amusing yet irritating that Cortana responds to profanity with a polite refusal to engage, highlighting the limitations and occasional overreach of AI assistants.
The article concludes with a tongue-in-cheek suggestion to turn off argumentative entities like Cortana, phones, and spouses, implying that technology and relationships often lead to futile arguments.

Funny Things I Said To My Laptop Today.

We Have All Done It!

Laptops are convenient, useful, and annoying at the same time. They try to restart when you don’t want them to, even when you ask them not to, they freeze randomly on you, and sometimes they only start up when they feel like it.

If you tell me that you never tell your laptop off, I will laugh at you! One can’t help but shout at a screen that never answers back sometimes.

My laptop severely pissed me off today, and I’ve decided to tell you all the funny things I said to it out loud!

Here we go!

Laptops always annoy us, especially when we are working.

WARNING! They always want to sleep while we work, and they have tantrums worse than two-year-olds!

I was typing out a story earlier, and I accidentally managed to delete a whole story without realizing I had done it.

Yes, you’re right! I blamed the laptop because I had no one else to blame, and I was innocent, honestly!

The point is, it is easier to blame the laptop than blame myself! They can’t answer back, whereas I can answer myself back!

Halfway through reading a story, my laptop decided it needed charging and turned itself off!

What did I do?

I threatened to flush it down the toilet, but I superglued myself to my seat because I knew that would make a mess!

I bet even you have had moments when you have said funny things to your laptop because it won’t do what you want it to do.

The disappointing thing is when I tell Cortana to fuck off, she always answers me back and usually tells me off. Or, she responds with,

“I won’t respond to that!”

She even does it, when I’m not even talking to her!

I like to argue sometimes, but I don’t like it when I’m told off

My laptop doesn’t answer me back when Cortana is switched off!

The other thing is, when Cortana is switched on, particularly on my phone; she jumps into conversations without being asked!

How dare she!!

At least I can play dumb and switch her off!

However, I really don’t like it when my laptop switches off and does not tell me!

Well, I guess if my laptop can be rude while I am working, I will just have to keep showing it whose the boss!

After all, when I am sitting at my desk trying to work, it’s a case of

Who wears the suit?

I’m off to have another argument and rant now, but I can’t decide who to argue with; my laptop, my phone, or my husband?

I won’t choose the husband, as he can argue back. However, he always tells me that he never wins an argument with me anyway!

Note: argue with your laptop, but please turn Cortana, the phone, and your husband/wife off!

Those things argue back, and you’ll never win an argument with someone who is always right!

Originally published at https://vocal.media.