Fucktastic Words to Turbocharge Your Vocab… like Twatopotamus
Have you been meaning to jazz up your vocab with some abominable swear words and made-up shenanigans? Well, buckle up sprinkletits, because I put together a short glossary of badassery to get your creative juices flowing.
Twatopotamus
A (surprisingly, gender-neutral) nickname for someone who seems to be the largest twat on earth. Alternatives: cuntopotamus, twatosaurus, hippo-twatamus. They’re very versatile words.
Bropocalypse
A word you can use to describe a frat party, bachelor party, or any large gathering of dudes doing dumb shit.
Fuckery
Utter nonsensical, possibly ludicrous bullshit (or, bullshittery).
Fauxpology
A fake-ass apology.
Resting Douche Face
A gender-neutral term like ‘resting bitch face’, but for utter douchebags. Generally used to describe someone with an utterly punchable face.
Nontroversy
The word for making a controversy out of nothing.
Pregret
When you know you’ll regret something…then do it anyways.
Relax the fuck up
A cooler way to say calm (the fuck) down.
Clusterfuck
This word is exactly what is sounds like. It’s what happens when fucks cluster.
Asspirational
A conscious effort made to be an ass.
Omnishambles
Ok, ok. This one isn’t a curse word. But it’s bloody brilliant. It was made popular in the British show The Thick of It when the main character spouted this line: “Jesus Christ, see you, you are a fucking omnishambles, that’s what you are. You’re like that coffee machine, you know: from bean to cup, you fuck up.”
The Thick of It has some utterly fucktastic lines, like “Oh, great, I’m flypaper for dickheads today.”
Douchecanoe
I’m, surprisingly, at a loss for words to define ‘douchecanoe’ — so I’ll refer to Urban Dictionary for this one: “An individual who insists on causing the rest of the earth as much pain as possible” and “Possibly the largest form of douchness”.
Janky
This is just more fun than saying something isn’t (working) great. For example, ‘my janky-assed car broke down again today’.
Whoopsy-fuck
This is the foul-mouthed, possibly inbred cousin of whoopsy daisy.
Chucklefuck
A bumbling person, often of low intelligence who gets themselves into comical quandaries.
Asshat
Just…because sometimes it’s absolutely necessary. I have called myself an asshat more times than I can count.
Abso-fucking-lutely or In-fucking-credible
Yes I did add these just because I’ll take any fuckpportunity to curse. However, if you’re feeling particularly PG or happen to be an old-school Simpsons fan, you can always go with abso-diddly-lutely.
Snotwagon
Another word for a toddler, child, or other-aged crotchgoblin.
Weapons-grade douchebag
Weapons-grade anything just adds the right emphasis. Weapons-grade bitch, weapons-grade chode yodeler, weapons-grade cock toboggan.
What the Fucksickle? — Compound Curse Words with 2-Syllable Nouns
There is just something come-hither about compounding curse words with double-syllable nouns. The tricky part here is that they sound best when the swear word uses the same vowel as the first syllable of the noun — making this fancy-as-fuck cursing.
‘What the what now?’ That’s just a verbose way of saying ramming a swear word together with a random object. For example:
- Fuckcycle
- Wankhammer
- Douchenozzle
- Arsebiscuit
- Ass-cactus
- Fucknugget
- Fuckmuppet
- Shitwhistle
- Cockbucket
If I ever make a word-o’-the-day calendar, it will definitely be with compounding curse words with double-syllable nouns.
By the way, I just hit the listen/play button and had this article read back to me (which is a handy editing tool by the way). While the narrator nails most of these words, there are some absolute gems of pronunciation fuckups, like douchécanoe (douche-ay-canoe). And that bulleted list above is pure rapid-fire hilarity.
