CARNAL NO-LEDGE

Fu*king Strangers Is NOT Good For You

In spite of the idiotic advice from an egomaniac

Okay. I’m in a dark, shitty mood and I won’t stifle it. Not here. Many of you know the reason why I’ve been in the weeds, so I won’t belabor the point. All I know is, that I feel the need to rant.

Just a bit.

My recent Medium earnings only added fuel to the fire. Precious little kindle, I might add. I realize many of you would be thrilled to make $114 in a single month here, but, to me, that might as well be bubkis.

I’m convinced that there are writers here, like yours truly, who will never make a decent amount of coin, no matter how long, or how hard we work. Why? Because we have opinions, and often, those opinions are targeted toward those writers who’ve managed to work the system to such a degree that spewing crap results in big-time returns.

Is there a Black List here? Perhaps.

Not that I’m implying that I have the requisite heft to appear on anyone’s list, but, I find the lack of equanimity here, amongst those of us who can actually craft a story, strange, indeed.

Now, I’m not saying we’re right to call out the nimrods. But, what the hell. If you’re going to put out crap, be prepared to suck on a few turdsicles in return.

I’ve been told by a writer friend that my “issue” is that I don’t have a niche. That puzzled me as, admittedly, I never thought much about it. I joined Medium to write what I want to write, not what a client or creative director says I must write.

Sex. Doom porn. Mental health. Bitcoin. Bullshit advise. I don’t focus on any of those. Rather, I’m all over the lot, but, isn’t that what life is all about? One day you’re up in the clouds and the next, you’re stepping in shit.

So, today I skimmed an older story by one of the guiding lights here and it’s all about well, as my title suggests, fucking complete strangers because “it’s good for us.”

Huh.

Is getting bisected by a maniac good for us, as well?

But, here’s what I discovered sifting through some of the thousands of comments: There are readers here who are actually possessed with working brain cells. Yes!

They were able to see through this bullshit piece to the egotistical, self-absorbed essence of the scribe who shared this overlong, “self-help” ca-ca.

I’m not a prude. You should know that from my work. I’ve had one-night stands during my more sexually active years. Plenty of us have. No biggie. Especially for those of us who lived through the “sexual revolution.”

No. This story is more about fucking the Starbucks barista after his shift because you liked the cut of his Vente.

Or, telling the Dominos pizza guy to cool his heels while you rustle up his “tip.”

Or, deciding the guy jammed up against you in a crowded elevator smells really, really good, so you grab his joint.

The writer also shares a history of screwing guys and then dumping them in “cruel ways.”

If that’s what you need to get through a breakup, as was suggested in the story, then ladies, better you spend some quality time with Ben & Jerry before going that route. I’ve been told the Pumpkin Cheesecake is to die for.

The writer is a woman, hence the reason I’m focusing on the female point of view.

Here’s one of the nuggets from the story:

Meaningless sex is great, when you do it smart.

What the hell does that even mean? Do it “smart?” How? Do you hide your personal belongings during a fuck session so your anonymous partner can’t see your vitals and track you down for a repeat? Work The New York Times crossword puzzle after the very last squirt?

The story isn’t even authentic as the writer jumps around from one-night-stands to getting busy with complete strangers. And, there is a difference.

To me, a one-night stand implies that you at least shared a couple of cocktails with your intended fuck buddy or even a plate of California Rolls. There’s nothing like sushi to get a dude in the mood, no?

Screwing a complete stranger, on the other hand, is just that. Getting down and dirty with someone you met five seconds ago and boom! The clothes are off, the juices are flowing and caution has flown the coop.

The writer never mentioned any form of protection during these anonymous trysts. Smart!

You folks with daughters. Is this really the kind of dangerous behavior you want them emulating? Fucking complete strangers? I’m sure you dads on the platform are flexing your fists at the mere suggestion.

Women. Men. Gerbils. If you want to experience carnal knowledge, or “no-ledge” as I used in my kicker, with people you just met and will never see again, you’d better be ready for anything.

What confuses me is the fact that I blocked this writer but her story showed up in my feed nonetheless. Such is the mystery of the Big A.

Before I take my leave, I must share my favorite line of this sage’s advice:

If you’re single, go fuck a stranger. You might be surprised what happens.

Yeah. Or, dead.

© Sherry McGuinn, 2022. All Rights Reserved.

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Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. She is currently pitching her newest screenplay, “The Month We Fell Apart,” a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story, as well as “DEAD TIRED,” a female-driven, ass-kicking thriller.