From Minor Annoyances to Major Issues: The Power of Early Intervention
Sooner Rather than Later is the way.
I told you last week that I am a recovering passive-aggressive communicator. Today, I will share with you a simple reason why tackling minor annoyances early is crucial to a strong relationship.
Here are a few examples:
- You meet a new colleague. You are nice to them. They tell you their name, you acknowledge it and tell them yours. Except, the next time you meet them, they call you a nickname you don’t like or a different name altogether.
You feel reluctant to correct them because — maybe it is a mistake. Then they do it again and again. You don’t correct them because now it is too late but you stew in anger.
Slowly it grows from minor annoyance towards them until it becomes full-blown resentment.
- You have a guest or a new roommate. The first few days, they pick up after themself. Gradually, they stop.
You don’t say anything to them because you don’t want to be “that person”. Your anger eventually spills over. You get short and snappy with them.
- Your new love interest has a few red flags. They are not major. You think you may be overreacting but you are not sure.
Your anger makes you ghost them or your resentment makes you disrespectful of them.
You can come up with a few more examples from your own life.
Taking stock of your own life helps you live better, not just with yourself but also with others. No wo/man is an island. You aren’t; no matter how introverted you are, you must interact with people. This is why it is important to be a clear communicator.
One rule when someone in my circle or my space annoys me is to tell them the first time.
Let me explain further.
If a woman I run into at my local market disrespects me, I don’t care. I don’t know her name. I don’t value her opinion. I just stiffen myself to not care.
But, if a guest in my home or my friend or colleague — I will interact regularly with, is getting on my nerves, the very first time I notice it, I preemptively avoid a showdown by:
“Hey, can we talk? You did or said — — — — — -. It annoyed me. Depending on the context, I might continue with, “it annoyed me because — — — — — — — — — —” Otherwise, I just insist — picking up after you is just not acceptable to me. Or, calling me that name is a no for me. “Please be more mindful about — — — — — — — going forward, thank you”.
I have found that the sooner we get the awkward conversation over a minor but annoying conversation out of the way, the lesser the chances of it snowballing into a major angry confrontation.
I also appreciate it when someone approaches me with a better way to handle our relationship.
When you read about my recovery from passive-aggressive communication, you will see that it takes guts to speak up, especially with people we care about or hold in high esteem. Thing is, if we do not communicate properly, that relationship may fail or grow tense.
And that would have been avoided by handling those pesky conversations a lot sooner.
Do you find tackling “small” issues too awkward until they snowball? Do let me know in the comments.
Thank you for reading. Buy me coffee?
