How I Started to Write for a Living

I had no idea which way to turn. I was going around in circles year after year. How do I get myself out of this loop.

“Turn your wounds into wisdom.” Oprah

During a conversation with my older sister that entailed yet another plea about my pitiful living conditions and how I was trapped due to my financial situation, she piped up, in a matter-of-fact tone, “You have never earned very much in your jobs!” I was sure she meant it in a factual way but the more I thought of this statement in the months and years after, yes, I was struggling for years, the more I realized it was more than likely highlighting a personal flaw of mine.

You see, she, on the other hand, has always worked in the corporate world, has stern ambition, and earns a six-figure income. But the price that is married with those great attributes is that she gives away far more of her hours and drives far more miles in her day than I ever cared or wanted to.

But my life felt like a car crash compared to hers. I had dealt with our difficult childhood differently. I needed to have work that was more flexible for my then-school-aged daughter. I had to lean on government help because if I had fallen into the percentage of being 100% financially independent, I calculated I would have had to work at least 60 hours per week for someone else or have to massage more clients than I actually had, per week for 52 weeks, period! Seems easy enough in black and white, however, clients get sick, lose work, and just bail because that’s life. Like a pandemic. Not to mention it is impossible to work 24/7 without any issues appearing in my own life, including complete exhaustion.

I felt tired just thinking about it all. I raked my brain every day and worked on ways and studied courses to try and better myself and broaden my well-being services. I felt so trapped renting a mouldy property that damaged our furniture, belongings, and our mental and physical health. My landlady hadn’t given a damn. During all this time rental prices were escalating along with inflation. I felt so stuck.

My sister had also questioned if I should consider moving further up north where it’s cheaper to rent. But it seemed a complex option, not only to not knowing a soul up there but more importantly, finding a property without savings, or having the time to create new clients in a short amount of time. Oh, the anxiety.

I was feeling such a loser, and the more I attempted to work on my self-awareness I just kept crashing into an invisible concrete wall. I had read about a scarcity mindset and tried to fit this scenario into my blocks of having more wealth. Was it that I didn’t think I deserved a healthy income, or was it that if I did, I would have to be more responsible and work harder? It could be that imposter syndrome gremlin that lives deep within the realms of my soul? Then I would default to, ‘Maybe I just can’t decide what is best for me. The complicated artist.’ I would continue to write and journal and think even more. I pondered a lot, trust me.

Slowly but surely, when I started to create action, clarity started to shine its beautiful face upon me. Look at all this self-doubt, it whispers. This isn’t a short ride by the way. It’s like cultivating seeds. First, you have to get that hard soil of your false identity and false self-beliefs and soften it up so you can plant and water your seeds.

My coach once told me about collective evidence. I asked him how I could ever start to believe I was able to coach when I was doubting myself so much? Or that my life was still a mess. “It’s not about what you feel but the truth by what people have told you, and all that you have achieved. Collective evidence!” So, I was instructed to write on Post-it notes all the positive words that people had told me. I also had to record my own achievements and merits. I wrote all the accomplishments I remembered and stuck them on an A1 piece of paper that eventually spilled over into two pieces.

I wasn’t able to see myself differently immediately but what I did learn over one year, was that just because I saw myself as not good enough, I was able to shift my belief system default lever! I was now able to challenge an inherited negative belief and know that it was more than likely indoctrinated through the insecure dysfunction I grew up with. It was an internal neural pathway that had buried itself deep like a tick.

After the sessions with my coach finished, I committed a year to therapy. Within this talking therapy, I had to write and read out my life story. My therapist and partner, who had attended that session, commented on how well I wrote.

I recalled my coach had also commented on my writing skills when I had to write where I was at and what it was, I wanted to change in my life. And so with this feedback , along with other writing ones I had banked, I added them to my metaphorical Post-it note file. I then decided I was going to take my writing further to what I had been doing at that time which was social media content in order to channel my coaching message.

I took on a freelance journalism course and it was the most uncomfortable course I had studied. Ever. All of the assignments made me dig very deep into my ability to pull something out of the bag. I had to pass this course!

It took me just under a year to complete and I passed! But I also learned something so valuable, and not just the practicalities of the industry and all that it entails. The course taught me that you are able to discover you have capabilities above and beyond what you feel possible. And when you are a person who has self-doubts, like me, your understanding of the constricted limits you believe you hold are rarely ever the truth.

Takeaway for when you are feeling stuck in life

Know your limits of what you can and cannot control.

Write down all the compliments you can recall from other people and your merits and achievements. Put them in places you can see everyday to start to imprint truths.

If you have self doubts about any of the options you have thought through for your next steps, work out if it’s just the risks, practicalities, or your fears giving you the doubts.

Identify your values and virtues to help you align your goals and dreams.

Remember that being logical is also part of finding solutions to your problems.

A dream isn’t ever too big if you are able to keep taking small consistent steps and actions.

It is okay to run out of steam some days but do adopt self-compassion and patience.

Question your reality — is it limited by your own mind?

Question the abilities you feel you are lacking — Are there invisible walls built from the flaws in your self-belief?

Someone else’s advice may be coming from their own fears.

Other people’s opinions may hold some truths but only you can relate to what is adding up for you.

Much love

Chantal

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