From Financially F*cked to Financially Free: A Quick & Dirty Guide

Taking back our power involves fixing our finances

There are a lot of reasons why I was financially fucked. Never having learned to manage money growing up, it’s no surprise that I turned into an adult who could be frugal when I needed to but used a credit card for retail therapy. I could budget enough to pay my bills on time, but that was the extent of my financial capabilities. I ran my debt higher, living all the way up to the tippy top of my means.

When we live this way, what happens is that we’re perfectly able to manage — until a financial setback comes along. We get sick and miss work. Layoffs happen. Our cars need repairs. Our kid needs braces. We may be able to function living from paycheck to paycheck — until one thing goes wrong.

Suddenly, the house of cards we built starts falling, and yet we act surprised that it happened. Think functional alcoholism — but with our finances. We think we’re doing great, but a scratch beneath the surface shows little to no emergency savings, mounds of debt, and little chance of escaping it doing exactly what we’re doing.

For me, everything changed when I went through personal bankruptcy. And a divorce. And single motherhood. And a lay-off. And a personal loan extended to a family member that was never paid back. And the ex who stole what savings I had managed to accumulate.

That’s a whole hell of a lot of financially fucked. I can point to my background and lack of knowledge all I want, but the truth is that I was an adult who made poor choices. Once those poor choices became obvious, I had two options: I could continue the way I was going and face more financial peril, or I could learn how to be financially free.

I did what most of us do. I went grasping for straws, landing on a Dave Ramsey book, and watching videos of financial motivational speakers. The information was out there. Everyone had something to say about managing finances and getting rich quick. It was information overload!

But I learned to sort out what worked for me and what didn’t. The bankruptcy had given me a fresh start, and I was going to use it for just that purpose. I had no debt, and I wasn’t about to start accumulating it either. After years of working for a finance company, I had learned the importance of building credit. I needed to figure out how to use it without letting it use me.

With that being said, here’s my quick and dirty guide to going from financially fucked to financially free:

Make a budget. Structuring our spending doesn’t just mean accounting for our bills. Be sure to add in groceries, gas, entertainment, hygiene products, and savings. It’s also important to allocate room for birthdays, anniversaries, and holiday spending.

Learn to save. Collect change from cash and put it in a piggy bank. Allocate a certain dollar amount each month to go straight to savings. Use a side hustle strictly for building savings. An emergency savings account is essential to financial freedom. Just don’t keep dipping into it for non-emergencies. Make rules about what qualifies as an emergency, and stick to it. Mark any tax returns or unexpected “extra” income as savings funds — or, conversely, set aside a certain percentage to save rather than spending it all.

Trust me: Taco Tuesday feels like an emergency, but it’s not. Save for splurges, too, but keep that separate from the emergency fund.

Pay off debt. This one is a challenge for most of us, but as long as we have debt hanging over our heads, we’re going to have a hard time making progress on our goals. A mortgage and student loans might be necessary. New phones and cars each year probably aren’t. Coming up with a plan to pay down debt can be tough, but it’s doable. Just be careful of those companies that promise to consolidate your loans to help you pay off debt faster. Many come with hefty fees. Do your research.

Don’t go out and get more debt. Saving up for a used-car makes better financial sense than getting a car loan. Getting a credit card and paying it off monthly or within a short period of time makes more sense than accumulating an albatross of debt. Adding more debt once the debt is paid off is what keeps us financially fucked.

Make use of reward programs. I pay my bills on a credit card but write them out of my checkbook. I pay them off each month but accumulate rewards in the meantime. Other reward programs may look like frequent buyer cards and store discounts.

Use rebate apps. Downloadable apps like Ibotta, Fetch, Paribus, Checkout 51, and Dosh offer cashback incentives off your grocery purchases. I once used a rebate account to fund holiday shopping at the end of the year.

Side hustle creatively. We can use skills and talents to find a nice side hustle. Etsy offers a marketplace for online vendors to sell their crafts. But we can also sell arts, crafts, and other services locally. Donating plasma, participating in paid university or market research, or even looking for part-time online jobs that can be done on the go can help us reach our financial goals.

Learn the difference between wants and needs. We all want a beach vacation; we don’t need one. Learn the art of a staycation or figure out how to vacation on a dime. It’s entirely possible. I once flew round-trip to Ireland for $46. That’s a story for another day, but massive travel discounts are possible when we learn to be the ones in control of our finances.

Telling ourselves we deserve the things we want is how we often end up in financial ruin. This is why it’s so important to prioritize needs over wants. Learning to save for what we want is essential if we’re ever going to learn to take control of our money and make it work for us.

Take advantage of free and low-cost entertainment. Discounted admission, free museum days, and even low-cost local entertainment options abound — if we’re looking for them. Entertaining ourselves doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. We just have to think outside the box.

Prioritize luxury expenditures. We don’t need all the streaming services. Be selective. Eating out and getting coffee on the go every single day is a luxury, and we need to decide if we can afford it or if we can stand to reduce how often we indulge. A massive reading habit, while admirable, may require more library card usage and Little Free Library visits than trips to the bookstore. Indulge yourself — within reason.

Personally, I enjoy subscription boxes. I budget for that because it means something to me. Figuring out what luxuries are meaningful and which ones we won’t miss much can help us get our budgets in line.

Work smarter, not harder. If we look closely at our budgets, we can usually see where we do a lot of spending for little benefit. A former partner of mine used to spend hundreds of dollars each month on convenience store purchases of drinks and snacks during the day. All those items could be purchased more affordably from the grocery store and taken to work, saving that money for higher priority spending.

Figuring out where we can tighten up our budgets doesn’t have to feel like a hardship. Cutting out unnecessary expenses means there’s more room leftover for building savings and affording those small, meaningful luxuries. If making coffee at home more often ends with that vacation to the beach, isn’t it worth it?

Focus on abundance, not scarcity. Learning to be more fiscally responsible is important, but it’s also important that we learn to invest our time, energy, and resources into things that are meaningful for us. Going from financially fucked to financially free isn’t just about taking control of our money; it’s about taking back the power in our lives so that we have the time and energy to invest in creating lives we love.

When we focus on abundance rather than scarcity, we see the possibilities. We embrace creativity, and we’re willing to make some changes. We can see the big picture: living the kind of life we love without all the extra stress.

The scarcity focus worries resent and generally doesn’t want to change. It sees small sacrifices as “unfair” and spends too much time envying other people and feeling like we should be able to buy whatever we want since we work so much.

Learning to see financial changes as something that frees us rather than restricts us helps us embrace abundance.

None of this happens overnight. We’re looking at an overhaul to our relationship with money. Rather than seeing this as daunting, we have the opportunity to embrace these changes as tools to get exactly what we want from our lives.

My priorities looked like having more time with my children, working as a full-time writer, and traveling the world. I learned to keep my overhead low while taking on enough work to allow me to begin saving for the kind of things that matter to me (like travel). I also learned how to budget, how to travel creatively, and how to utilize credit cards for rewards rather than debt.

I learned the hard way. That is an inarguable fact. But I’m learning. Every day, I work toward more abundance and more financial freedom. I’m not chasing anyone else’s idea of success. I’m living life by my values and with my priorities front and center.

A friend used to tell me that being “poor” was a mindset. He would never say he was “poor”. He’d say instead that he was “broke”. The difference, he told me, is that he wouldn’t always be broke. He was creating the lifestyle that would make “broke” the exception and not the rule, making choices that would reduce debt, build savings, and create the life he wanted to live. It was inspirational, but it took me years to finally get it. Now, I’m passing that idea on.

With a few adjustments, we can un-fuck ourselves — when it comes to money anyway.

For life and relationships, we’re going to need a bigger boat.

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This article is for informational purposes only; it should not be considered Financial or Legal Advice. Not all information will be accurate. Consult a financial professional before making any major financial decisions.