From Disdain to Obsession

The transition from having to write to wanting to write

I’m laughing. One of those hearty belly laughs that feel really good.

I’m laughing at my historical personal disdain for writing anything — from a simple letter to maintain a friendship to an assignment for University. I’d rather be pulling feathers one by one from a malodorous dead chicken than having to sit and complete a written obligation.

I’m laughing looking at myself now; my obsession and desire to put my thoughts down to share with a bunch of strangers — and feeling comfortable doing so. The need to race home and connect my fingers to my new friend — my laptop — who helps me spew my words into decipherable sentences and paragraphs.

I’m laughing because it feels amazing to be part of such a talented community of writers when I never dreamed of putting anything willingly down in words.

Writing for the hell of it was never on my to-do list, nor a bucket one — and I am a pro at making lists.

Although I’d marvel at other writers and how eloquently they made words pop off a page or conjure up a mental picture of a scene, I’ve never had ambitious dreams of penning a story or aspiring to achieve literary fame and fortune. It was not on my radar in the slightest.

It still isn’t.

Writing because you have to versus writing because you want to are two very different things.

We’ve all experienced those moments when you don’t have the inclination to do something you need to in the foreseeable future. Humans are professional procrastinators. When there is a deadline to meet and the clock is ticking, each second that passes makes the task far more challenging — and often even insurmountable. Pressure, in combination with a lack of desire, might wreak havoc on productivity and creativity.

When you want to do something, it becomes easier. With writing, the words seem to flow more easily. It may take repeated attempts to get it exactly how you envisioned but that is the fun part.

There it is in black and white. Writing is fun!

Reading, restructuring, changing, re-reading — over and again. Exploring a thesaurus for an alternative word or altering sentences and punctuation based on Grammarly suggestions. You are not resentful about how long it takes to appropriately express what you wish to say.

It is a work in progress until you, the writer, is content — with the content!

Unless entering a contest or working to meet a publication deadline, there is no pressure. You can start something and sit on it if it isn’t taking the direction you initially intended. Walking away and leaving unfinished work for later has ultimately produced some of my favourite stories.

When I wrote my first published poem in Vocal Media in February, it wasn’t because I had this sudden urge to become a writer. I didn’t sign up for Medium because I need extra income or was desperate to become famous with a viral story.

I did it because I wanted to. Something stirred inside me after some initial success over at Vocal.

Over the course of two months, writing has miraculously become a big part of my life. I have published 45 articles on Medium, in 17 different publications with all but 4 earlier stories curated. I have attracted a small following and have a long list of incredible writers who I follow because their work is inspiring, motivating or hilarious.

I read more than I write.

The engagement my readers have started with me, and the reciprocity with other writers have filled the void of social isolation. Both the readers and writers of Medium have energized me to write more.

It has been cathartic. I’ve taken refuge with my words, escaping the misery of enforced solitude. Writing has become my voice, my friend, my passion.

Although my motive to write remains the same — for pure pleasure — I have become more mindful that any writer's words are only worthy if they are actually being read.

I could write a pile of blithering garbage every day, but when writing is unstructured and unreadable, it is unappealing. If it doesn’t tweak an emotion or fit with worldly events — whether in agreement or objectivity — it’s game over.

I have never been one to submit half-arsed work and would spend hours — sometimes far more than what was necessary — to write an assignment or letter properly. Often I was resentful, questioning its worth; weighing up the equation of time spent versus the time lost and whether the benefit would outweigh the misery.

I have done the same penning the stories I have submitted to date. The difference is that I have done this fervently, with no regrets at the time to get them right.

Writing is something I can do, but there is a vast amount for me to learn to be considered a writer.

I see it as a privilege to receive constructive feedback from an Editor. They are experienced writers and I am a novice who can benefit from their suggestions, advice — or refusals. I want to get better at this art, not only for me but for anyone that reads my work.

I want the reader to be sucked in the second they see my title and continue reading until the end. I have learnt how those few headliner words can be the difference between engagement or defeat.

I want the reader to share my emotions within my work. My pain, sorrow, fear, joy, pride and authenticity through the words I pen. I want them to laugh; to comment and to clap.

And I want them to come back for more.

Not for the money, nor to become famous. That is still not my writing goal.

Writing is purely for my own personal growth and pride. To share what is smouldering inside of me; igniting the flame of untapped written creativity fuelled by a desire and passion for life, love, and learning.

“Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark.” — Henri Frederic Amiel

Long may the laughter continue.