FridayFunnys! ed Cincuenta (50)

Huck & Finn 😎 🐺

Can you believe it? The Golden Anniversary! 🥳

It’s been almost a year since this Frazzled, Fractious, Fissured Fandango of Fun, Fluff, and Fudgepacking Foolishness Floated your way each Friday.

Muchas gracias to all those who weathered this weekly shit show! Haha!

Hola, amigos! Welcome back. Fruck and Finn are damn excited to see you.

Shall we get started? Your call. No, it’s not. Ready Finn? Let’s get jiggy!

Hey gang, question: If falling on your face is called a “face plant” then why wouldn’t someone’s face being planted on their phone be the same thing without the fall? Yet. Haha! 😜

“We’re so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody’s going to save something now. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. And the supreme arrogance? Save the planet! Are these people kidding? Save the planet? We don’t even know how to take care of ourselves; we haven’t learned how to care for one another. We’re gonna save the fuckin’ planet? . . . And, by the way, there’s nothing wrong with the planet in the first place. The planet is fine. The people are fucked! Compared with the people, the planet is doin’ great. It’s been here over four billion years . . . The planet isn’t goin’ anywhere, folks. We are! We’re goin’ away. Pack your shit, we’re goin’ away. And we won’t leave much of a trace. Thank God for that. Nothing left. Maybe a little Styrofoam. The planet will be here, and we’ll be gone. Another failed mutation; another closed-end biological mistake.” ― George Carlin

Don’t shoot the messenger, John Pearce, just poking a little fun.

Sebastian Maniscalco 😂

Couple demands refund after sitting next to a drooling and farting dog for a 13 hour flight — JOE

The couple ended up switching seats because the dog’s flatulence was “too much to bear.”

A couple who flew with Singapore Airlines on a long-haul flight from Paris to Singapore are requesting a refund from the airline company because of a disruptive dog that passed gas and drooled throughout their flight.

Hey, dog owners, what the hell did you feed Fido? And drooling, I’ve seen many humans displaying both behaviors. I declare the dog innocent.

Next case.

American drivers are now even more distracted by their phones. Pedestrian deaths are soaring. — Vox

During the pandemic, distracted driving increased, and it hasn’t gone down since.

Until relatively recently, good data on the problem of distracted driving has been hard to find.

The government estimates that 3,522 people died because of it in 2021, but experts say the official number probably majorly undercounts the number of deaths, in part because police are rarely able to definitively prove that a driver was distracted right before a crash.

Folks, this is my PSA for the week.

ARFKM? The memo for this is ancient.

Put your phone in the console, both hands on the wheel and pay attention. It’s a matter of life and death. Possibly yours. Thank you.

Mom leaves angry note in daughter’s lunchbox for teacher: “That’s silly.” New York Post

Hi, Evelyn has our permission to eat lunch in any order she chooses. None of her foods are •good or bad — they are just food!

Thanks! Caroline & Joey

An angry mother has taken matters into her own hands after her young daughter came home from school complaining about a comment her teacher made about her lunch.

Caroline, who posts on social media under the name @pezzi.shop, took to TikTok to reveal her 3-year-old daughter had arrived home one afternoon saying her teacher told her to eat her “good” foods before her “bad” foods.

This meant the toddler had to eat her sandwich and cucumbers before her cookie, which Caroline explained goes against what she tries to teach her little girl about food neutrality.

I’m sorry, folks, I’m a little behind. “Food neutrality?” I say let the little one eat whatever is in her lunchbox in any order she want’s. OMG!

“I never forget faces, but in your case I’ll gladly make an exception.” Groucho Marx

Jimmy O. Yang 🤣

“Remember, when you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It is only painful for others. The same applies when you are stupid.” ― Ricky Gervais

Is Google “enshittifying”? MorningBrew

That’s what the inventor of the concept of “enshittification,” Cory Doctorow, thinks. The internet culture critic coined the term in 2022 to describe the decay of mature online platforms when they choose to juice profits at the expense of user experience.

Doctorow claims that Google’s top results have become “dominated by spam, scams, and ads.” He says it’s become too easy for sites pushing useless content to manipulate the guarded algorithm that ranks search results.

• Someone searching for the best nose-hair trimmers would likely be inundated with product review sites that are not as committed to educating people about the best nasal grooming options as they are to earning a fee for each visitor they route to e-commerce platforms who then buys something.
• Many review sites that don’t actually test the items they’re promoting are shown to
• Google users by including certain keywords on their pages.

Doctorow writes that the company became a search behemoth while assuring regulators that it would spend significant resources fighting spam. But he says instead, Google worked to ensure you choose its product without a second thought. It was recently revealed that Google paid the likes of Apple and Samsung $26 billion in 2021 to be their devices’ default search engine.

Tactics like these are part of why the Justice Department is suing Google for alleged illegal tactics to become a search engine monopoly, with a ruling expected in May.

Except for the ads (don’t tell Tony), does the spam and scams thing sound familiar? Didn’t we just have this discussion yesterday?

What’s the tooth fairy leaving these days? $100 bills and Louis Vuitton bracelets. — The Wall Street Journal

Parents are going bigger for the mini milestones in their children’s lives-but that is leading to comparisons and awkward conversations

Really? $100 for a tooth? I understand inflation but I just checked and the last dollar bill I left under Kevin’s pillow around 1990 is worth $2.36 today.

Open up a savings account, parents, if you must. Unbelievable!

Mount Everest has a poop problem. Now climbers are required to bag it. — The Washington Post

Climbers ascending Mount Everest will be expected to collect their poop in doggy bags and carry their waste back to base camp, according to new regulations from local officials as they attempt to address a long-festering littering problem on the world’s tallest peak.

I just asked Finn and he sees no problem with this. Haha! 💩

A must see, amigos! A beautiful rendition and close for this edition Enjoy!

See you all next time. Finn and I wish you a happy and safe weekend. Gracias. 🙏

My appreciation for all of you is never-ending.

NO AI was used to write this other than that annoying Grammarly thing.