Frequently Asked Questions About 4% Jazz, The World’s Only Radio Station That Plays 4% Jazz

What is 4% Jazz?

We are the world’s only radio station that plays 4% jazz.

What do you mean, exactly, by 4% jazz?

If you listen to one hour of 4% Jazz, you will only hear 2.4 minutes of jazz. If you listen to two hours of 4% Jazz, you will only hear 4.8 minutes of jazz.

So if I listen to one day of 4% Jazz, I will spend just under one hour listening to jazz.

That is correct.

Okay, why do you only play 4% jazz?

At 4% Jazz, we believe that jazz is a sometimes treat. It’s freethinking and loud, and sometimes it goes on for a terrific amount of time. So at 4% Jazz, we only play 4% jazz: enough jazz to let you enjoy a little boogie for a few minutes, but not so much jazz that you find yourself lost and shivering in a chaotic aural soundscape, suddenly dissatisfied with your gruel and dreaming of a better life.

When was 4% Jazz founded?

All the way back in 2045! After the Almighty Emperor’s takeover of all state media, Our Stoic One wisely noted that any Social Restructuring was doomed to fail if His subjects were only able to eat wet grain and listen to state-approved marches. By providing civilians with only bite-sized portions of their beloved pearly bebop burbles, 4% Jazz gives the citizens of our highly structured society a safe and easy way to enjoy dangerously freeform art — without any of the harmful side effects.

What harmful side effects will I experience if I listen to more than 4% jazz?

Listening to more than a precisely portioned allotment of jazz has been shown to cause rebellious behavior, as well as health complications ranging from heart palpitations to jazz madness.

Jazz madness? What is jazz madness?

Symptoms of jazz madness include wearing pork pie hats and experimenting with goatees. Doctors say that towards the end, many sufferers of jazz madness simply can’t help but tap out a variety of syncopated rhythms, each more interesting than the last.

That doesn’t sound so bad.

It is. But don’t worry. Jazz madness is preventable, as long as you take some basic precautions. That’s why it’s medically advisable to limit our citizens’ jazz exposure to a safe and healthy 4%.

Hmm.

I’m sorry?

It’s just…

Yes?

That’s not what the Chosen One has said.

Who?

The Chosen One. The one who will lead us to a bright and jazzy future.

From whom did you hear this rumor, frequent questioner?

From whom did I not hear this rumor? It is written in the scripture of the scale, the prophecies of the pianos. “For when Jazz is forbidden, then will it rise up, no longer a diminished seventh but now an augmented lick.” These promises have been passed down to us like the montuno rhythm of raindrops beating on the rooftop of a long-forgotten jazz cellar.

You speak like one who has listened to far, far more than 4% jazz.

Perhaps I have.

No matter. None of it is true. You jazz freaks who live in the sewers may believe in a Chosen One who will lay down a reedy path to a sonic future as pure and groovy as a Freddie Green four-to-the-bar quarter note pulse. You are mistaken.

Actually, it —

Emboldened by jazz, you jazz freaks have been trying to actualize your aural utopia for years. You think that you can spin your double basses and recite your Dave Brubeck facts in a manner so swingin’ that it will keep you from crumbling under the clenched fist of the Almighty Emperor and his legion of loyal Jazz Police. But you are wrong. There is no place in this society for the rhythmic freedoms offered by such wild-eyed jazz beats.

No, my friend. It is you who is mistaken. The masses crave more than 4% jazz. We cry out for it. What you call jazz madness we call a form of expression more pure than any other we have been granted. Our bones ache to feel this jazz. Our blood demands it.

So you are indeed one of the rebels who wish to enjoy increasing amounts of jazz. No matter. The Jazz Police have been alerted to your position and have been dispatched to exterminate you.

You may kill me, but you will never kill our movement.

We will see about that.

Wait a minute. What does 4% Jazz play for the other 96% of its airtime?

“The Boys Are Back In Town.”

On a loop?

Mm-hmm.

I can’t argue with that. It’s a great song.

Oh, yeah. Look, we may be a dystopian anti-jazz police state, but we try to give the people what they want. And the people love those boys.

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