Freeing Myself From The Chains Of Poverty

I have always been one of the poor children growing up. I lived in a council estate flat and could never hold a house party with my friends as the flat was tiny.

Despite my circumstances, I never carried myself poorly. That is partly because my mother spent every penny she had to make sure I did not look poor. Unfortunately, this is one of the things that keep people in poverty for longer.

I guess I did not help my mum save any money either. As a child, I remember coming home from school complaining about my trainers. That day I got mocked terribly for having out of fashion trainers. All I can remember is the heartbreak on my mother’s face.

The very next day she took me to the sports store and got me new ones. I was happy with the situation, but looking back on it. I realise it was my mum filling the void she experienced in me telling her the story.

As I got older, I used to be insecure about many things. Telling people where I lived or going to the shops after school knowing I could not buy anything was challenging. What made it worse was that I was popular. So I would get invited to many parties, but I was scared to go.

It was mainly because of what happened to me as a young child. But I also felt as though I did not have the best clothes. In school, I got away with it because everyone had to wear the same thing. But, outside it was a different story. And I knew I would never have some of the fancy expensive clothes owned by my friends.

The worst case of my poverty was when I moved to a different area. It was great to know I would be closer to school, and some of my friends lived there too.

That weekend I went to meet some of them, and they asked where I moved. With confidence, I pointed over to the area, and they all just sighed. They informed me that that was a bad area.

In fact, it was the area they were not allowed to go to because of gang violence and other illegal activities. It was at this moment I realised that I needed a way out.

Between the ages of 11–18, I began seeking a route out of my poverty. However, it was at the age of 18 I realised the deeper problems. These problems had nothing to do with the money. But all to do with the mindset I had developed.

Whilst in poverty, my view of the world was very restricted and limiting. However, I managed to overcome this and find freedom in my poverty. Here is how I did it.

The Disease of a Fixed Mindset

I figured what I had to do to get rid of my poverty-stricken life. It was going to be difficult, but it was going to be worth it. That is one thing growing in poverty does to you. It builds resilience. Unlike most people who would give up, I had a competitive spirit. I wanted to win at all cost.

At 16, I had this great idea to go into STEM fields. They paid the most money, and that is what I needed to set myself free. However, I quickly realised that you had to be bright to study something like engineering. So, I worked night and day on my maths and physics to get there.

Eventually, I managed to get good grades and land a place in an elite college for my future studies. But there was a massive problem. I realised that all ethnic minorities in this school had the same plan I did.

Upon learning more about a few of them, they all seemed to be doing the same thing I was. Focussed on stacking the wealth and were willing to work crazy hours to do it.

I remember reflecting deeply on my life decisions on my to and from college. It just did not make sense to me that everyone was trying to do the same thing I was. And it was not until I learned about fixed and growth mindset at 17 I realised what was wrong.

My poverty had driven me to a very fixed mindset. Possibly the most fixed anyone could be. I only had one way to what I thought was my dream, and I was not budging on it.

It was a hard pill to swallow, but I realised that my pursuit out of poverty was not much of a journey at all. Even if I managed to accumulate tonnes of wealth, I would still be diseased with this mindset. Like a scar, poverty would leave its mark on me, and it was not for the better.

In my fixed mindset, I realised that I had defined my whole life based on running from something. That one thing was poverty, and it was the driving force behind everything I did. But if I wanted to be happy, I had to change this mindset.

Instead of running from something. I found that I should try running towards something instead. This is where I began to find my growth mindset within my poverty. I was no longer trying to flee my circumstances but instead, trying to run towards happiness and joy.

The first mindset always put me in a position of fear with the need to run from something. But my second mindset put me in a place of abundance, where I finally had something good to aim for.

Being Defined by How Others See You

Earlier, I highlighted how I was scared to go to parties because of what others would think. Also, my mother spent money (she did not have) to make sure others did not see her as a poor mum.

This mindset lasted with me for a very long time. It was clear that I wanted to be recognised and known. After spending so much time in the dark, I wanted to feel fame and status. Unfortunately, this presented itself with bad behaviour in school.

I realised early that being the class clown got me the attention I so desired. Even as I moved into my older schooling years, I was still craving attention from others.

Despite all my attempts to be recognised, the feeling of being unacknowledged still haunted me. Many of my attempts led to me being worse off.

I no longer wanted to be an unrecognisable nobody. Worse yet, I felt the duty to clear my name. I was still embarrassed that I lived on the poor side of the estate. Even though no one probably cared because we were only kids, I did because it was my life.

Driven by the hurt of not being known for the right thing or never being recognised, I had a life long goal to achieve high status and fame. I did not know how I could do it, but I believed it was an essential part of my happiness.

Not until I realised that this mindset was driven by poverty. It was difficult accepting that fame and status meant nothing at all. Of course, to a poor kid on a council estate, it meant the world to me. But after unlearning my fixed mindset, I saw it differently.

Fame and status are nice things, but we all live one life. And if we are not careful, we will waste it all. The question I had for myself was, did people knowing who I was, matter? Especially if my happiness was the number one priority.

I could have all the fame and status in the world, but without true fulfillment, within myself, it would mean nothing. It was hard to accept that I was being driven by selfish desires. But poverty made me realise that this desire often leads to dissatisfaction.

It did not take long for me to understand that it was how I viewed myself that mattered, not everyone else. True happiness was being able to live in a poor area and still wake up with a smile on your face. Not being recognised for all your fame and status.

From here on, I took a different approach to life. There was no amount of applause I would trade for happiness within myself. And that led me to become happy despite my situation.

Never Making Your Own Decisions

Unfortunately, this was one of the hardest things I had to swallow. I realised that up to the age of 18, I had never decided anything for myself. When in school, I was invested heavily in sports and wanted to be a basketball player.

Although I enjoyed playing basketball, this desire did not come from me. From a young age, I was told that sports are what I should do. School teachers would push us black boys towards sports. And it is because society tells us that is all we are good at. We tell it to ourselves as well.

I remember confirming to my friends that I wanted to be a modern-day intellectual. Their response was, “Black people don’t do that,” however, once finding my growth mindset and finding happiness in myself, I quickly realised that I was being controlled like a puppet.

Society told me that I should be a bad child. On TV, it was always the child from the roughest background that was the worst behaved. Even my choice to do Aerospace Engineering was driven by family letting me know I probably will not make much money unless I am in STEM.

Upon leaving my house and attending university, I found myself with much alone time. I was able to think through what I wanted for my life and started making my own decisions.

One of those things was remembering that I wanted to be a writer from the age of 8. But that was shut down because I was told writers make no money.

Unfortunately, poverty tends to restrict the number of options you have. And society restricts them even further. So I was living life with decisions that were not made by me but prepared for me.

Once I realised this, I took back control of my own life. I was no longer going to let my circumstance in any way shape my decisions or future. I learnt what I wanted to be was left up to me. And although it did not often feel like that, it was the truth. So, in my poverty, I started to choose things for myself.

Closing Thoughts

The physical chains of poverty are extremely tough. I would never disregard anyone who is going through it. I know the struggle of it. However, the mindset is much more disastrous than the circumstances.

Once my mindset changed, everything changed for me. And although it was hard to overcome some challenges and swallow some truths. It was all worth it in the end.

Through learning the effects poverty had on me, I have learned how to find true happiness in myself. Evaluate these three points and see if you need to break some of the chains of poverty in your own life.

You can learn more about what I am doing now as someone free from poverty by reading my about me story here.