Middle-Pause Pump-Priming Prompt

Freedom, Independent, Inter-dependent, Limited, or Trapped — Which are You?

Our choice of words can make a huge difference

Happy Independence Day!

Yesterday was July 4th. The day the United States celebrates its independence from Britain.

I’m glad they don’t call it freedom day given how our nation was founded on the backs of enslaved Africans on land stolen from its native inhabitants.

There is still a long way to go to live up to the values and vision this country was founded on.

Even though the U.S. is no longer a British Colony, are we truly an independent country? Don’t we depend on lots of countries to supply us with goods and services vital to our economy?

Don’t we need the international cooperation of the entire world to respond effectively to the Conoravirus and its new variants? And our entire planet depends on Mother Earth to supply us with the oxygen we breathe, and the land we need to live and farm on?

Might be more accurate to say we are an interdependent nation?

This is a helpful distinction on the individual level as well.

I used to pride myself on being fiercely independent, not needing anyone’s help, thank you very much!

Now I am more humble and a little more willing to ask for and receive help. With room to grow in that department.

This brings me to our Middle-Pause Pump-Priming Prompt: How independent, interdependent, limited, or trapped are you? Do you have aspects of all four? And how are you holding or framing any limitations?

To prime the pump, I’ll go first.

Independent: I am grateful to be financially independent at the moment. What I mean by that is, I have a decent retirement pension. I certainly put in the work — 31 years in a public hospital system — to earn that. Our county’s retirement fund is independently run and solvent. Amazing!

I don’t take this for granted because there are plenty of folks who work longer and harder than I ever did with no pension in sight. I consider myself blessed in that regard.

Interdependent: I‘m blessed to have Aikya Param as a roommate. We look out and care for each other. Rides to appointments, shopping, changing skin biopsy bandages on each other’s backs — just a few of the ways we need and help each other.

I don’t always like needing this kind of help. It reminds me I’m not getting any younger. And if anything, these needs are likely to increase, not decrease. It takes a lot of grace to accept help graciously.

This is why I so appreciate Debbie Walker, Cindy Heath, Alison Acheson, and all the other Middle-Pauser’s stories that provide light and encouragement on this path we’re all on. Thank you all so much!

Limited vs Trapped

Limited or trapped: At first I just had the word trapped. But upon reflection, I added the word limited. For some of us, these categories may be fluid. Or at least, I like to think so.

For example, some nights I don’t sleep so well. The next day, I’m dragging. This still happens even after cutting out black tea and regular coffee. I do drink green tea and decaf.

Those morning-afters I sure can feel trapped by this experience. But I get through my day, getting stuff done, such that the word limited feels more apt.

I feel limited when I get short of breath and/or lightheaded. It happens when I visit my sister in Albuquerque. It’s the mile-high altitude there. Sooner or later, I’ll be walking somewhere and get lightheaded.

I have to sit or even lay down till it passes. On walks with my sister, she lifts my legs up which helps the blood flow back into my upper body.

It’s happened in the movie theater lobby and at the airport. I get to depend on the kindness of strangers for help. Or the kindness of friends, like my dear friend, Marla Bishop. It happened when I was visiting with her in London, just when we needed to hustle down the block for our Uber ride.

She grabbed ahold of me and got me safely there. Thank you, Marla! We went on to have a fun evening tour of the West End, Trafalgar Square, and the holiday lights from the top of a bright red double-decker bus.

Our words and mindset contribute to how we feel.

Limited sounds so much less limited than trapped. Yet I was prepared to say I felt trapped by that condition in my body.

After all, it limits where I can go. But it doesn’t trap me here in the Bay Area or inside my home. I would go so far as to say currently limited. I don’t want to claim this as a permanent, uncorrectable condition.

I’ve got things on my bucket list waiting for me!

I’ll borrow a page from Cindy Heath’s recent post. If indeed, the thing most responsible for your suffering is your own mind, then what I say to myself is of utmost importance.

Changing even one word can make a huge difference. Yuval Noah Harari goes on to say, the only thing that can replace one story is another story.

Yikes! Let me not leave myself with that limiting story in my head.

Let me declare and claim that I discover and address the cause of my lightheadedness. I do my homework, be it exercises, diet, etc., and enjoy both great nights of deep sleep, and glowing days of easy movement in the company of loved ones.

So now it’s your turn. Again the pump-priming prompt: How independent, interdependent, limited, or trapped are you? Do you have aspects of all four? And how are you holding or framing any limitations?

That’s a tall order, but you can do it. We look forward to hearing from you!

Here’s how to do the thing you think you’re too old or scared to do.

Marilyn Flower writes political humor and satire to delight socially and spiritually conscious folks. She’s a regular columnist for the prison newsletter, Freedom Anywhere, where she writes about faith and prayer. Five of her short plays have been produced in San Francisco. Clowning and improvisation strengthen her resolve during these crazy times. Stay in touch!