FOYOS — Focus on Your Own S*!$
How minding your business leads to wellbeing and success
In an age of distraction, we’re continuously invited to focus on other people. While it is beneficial to attend to our dearest friends and family members, it is usually unhealthy to waste our time on acquaintances and people we don’t know.
Most of what we observe on a screen — phone, computer, television — is staged and taken out of context. As consumers of such information, we become the supporters of lies, manipulations, and marketing schemes. Even worse, our unhealthy viewing obsessions invite us to compare, compete, judge, gossip, and a host of other resource-exhausting behaviors, which makes us feel woefully inept.
Wow! Sheila’s new hairstyle looks great. I should change my look up a bit. Can you believe that Jenny is taking her kids to Disneyland in the middle of summer? Even if I did have the money to travel, I’d prefer staying in my comfortably air-conditioned home. OMG, I’m so sorry you lost your dog, Richard! Hugs and prayers.
Seems harmless enough, right? We all do it. Is there anything wrong with perusing pictures and messages that others post for us to view? Other than wasting our lives on meaningless activities that distract us from pursuing our ambitions, I guess there is nothing wrong with it.
Oh, except that things like media consumption decreases psychological wellbeing. And participating in social media tends to cause anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues, as suggested here and here.
Life is finite. Please don’t waste it. It’s time to focus on our own shit and pursue our passions, curiosities, and significant interests with gusto. To do so, we usually have to tune out that which gets in the way.
How constructively have we used the past 24 hours — or 1440 minutes or 86,400 seconds — of our day?
We have an exhaustible supply of personal resources — time, energy, and money — that we will never get back. When we pay attention to how we use these, we can better evaluate whether we add to the quality of our lives or take away from it. When we learn to use our resources like they matter, because they do, we will transform our lives for the better.
“As if you could kill time without injuring eternity” (Thoreau).
Why are we preoccupied with what others do? We need to understand this before we can move past it. Are we just trying to distract ourselves from ourselves? Or, do we have a real interest in offering or receiving something of value from the encounter?
If we are distracting ourselves from ourselves, we need to explore what we are avoiding. If it is boredom, we need to find a passion, curiosity, or area of interest and pursue it promptly. If we are avoiding uncomfortable feelings, we need to address them. Until we confront whatever we are running from, it will continue to chase us.
Any time and energy we waste will never come back to us. Plus, we miss the opportunity to tune into ourselves, discover what we want, and work on ways of achieving our goals.
Focusing on other peoples’ shit is different from engaging with family and friends in a growth-oriented manner. When we talk with our family over dinner, we are constructively building our relationships. Instances like this differ from attending to others through liking, clapping, stalking, obsessing, gossiping, and monitoring what certain people are doing, saying, wearing, eating, etc.
Relationship-building is mutually beneficial. Focusing on other peoples’ shit is self-depleting and resource-draining.
Do we want to fill our days with purpose? Do we want to be successful in our ambitions? Do we want to be skilled at something that inspires us?
Being successful, talented, and well requires focusing on our shit. When we tune out the distractions around us, we release herd mentality — the voices that encourage us to follow the crowd. Only then do we gain clarity and realize what we are capable of creating.
Rather than focusing on others’ lives, it is best to use our resources to create one of our own.