Fourth of July Invitation
This is the Fourth of July weekend the world over. In the United States it is a long weekend that includes Independence Day celebrations. Here at the Mill we don’t really celebrate Independence Day. Mushamaguntic is in the “Northern US” which, in the bad cartography and kaflooey demographics of Medium’s made up metaverse, may or may not be in Canada. For more on bad made-up worlds, please see:
[you can skim the article and jump to the comments. This is a geek fest of the FIRST ORDER!]
I had said that we would have a piñata of death on the Fourth, not to celebrate Independence Day, but because July 4 is the high point of the mosquito population here at the Mill, and nothing speeds up a piñata party like a lot of mosquitoes. You are all invited. I think we will have 3 piñatas. They will be, in order:
The Piñata of Life The Piñata of “I fucked up my life so now I’m going to take a Mulligan and start over” Second Life (rebirth) And, The Piñata of Death
This is not a proper “celebration”, it’s just a virtual get together. There will be no “nude sparklers and roman candles” regardless of how well the “get together” goes. There are some things that you should know so that you feel comfortable and have a good time:
- You have to wear all white on the Piñata court (I’m going to invite Kate Middleton to give out the awards)
- We use the lumberjack camp rules of cooking (if you complain about the food you are the cook) and Radio Free Spruce (going on four months!) lies about whether there is gluten in things. I mean he is shameless. He just fucking lies, so if you have a food allergy you should bring a pack of Nabs.
- We will have the Tour de Elder’s Island (5K bike race… I know… we’re not all athletes, OK?) will take place in the morning, so bring your cow bell.
- There is a really good chance that all the strawberries will be gone by the Fourth, so, once again, get ready for cherry preserve shortcake!
- If we have any rat bating, and I’m not saying we are going to, you can’t periscope it. It’s not that we are afraid of PETA and the animal cruelty folks (we are) but we discovered that Caesar’s Palace was making a ton of money by making book on our rat pit and until they cut us in they can go suck an egg.
- The bottoms of your feet are prone to skin cancer and it’s a bad, bad place to have biopsies and surgery, so please put sunblock on the bottoms of your feet when sunning on the roof of the canning factory.
- We haven’t had the septic pumped yet, so… go light. That’s all I’m going to say… just try to be gentle.
- If you don’t know what to bring, make deviled eggs.
Most important, you should read this before you come: