Four ways Perfectionism is Ruining Your Life and How to Overcome It.
Avoid the pitfalls of being a perfectionist and take charge of your life.
I have been a perfectionist all my life. I wanted my life to look perfect in every way. An ideal family- check, a great career-check, an excellent diet plan-check, a perfect life-check.
You would find me toiling till the wee hours of the morning, planning my days to perfection. I always managed to get excellent grades and was an almost perfect child in many ways.
But there was an emptiness inside that never went away. I had no spontaneity in my life. I planned everything to the T well in advance. There was no scope to take a detour and experience something totally out of the blue.
In short, being a perfectionist made me a boring person leading an uninspired, boring life!
I went on with my perfect life till one day, I couldn’t continue. My inner wild person revolted, and I threw all my carefully made plans out of the window.
I stopped living by the impossibly high standards I had set for myself, causing me pain and heartbreak to a more relatable life full of excitement and uncertainty.
“Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.” ― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection
If you think people all around you have their lives sorted out and are living their best life, it is time you take off your rose-colored glasses and look closely.
The high-flying executive who always flies first class and vacations overseas a couple of times a year is struggling with a divorce;
The girl you envy for being the center of attention in every social setting is about to have a mental breakdown. The truth is that ‘A Perfect Life’ is an Illusion.
Life cannot flow without its struggles and challenges, and if you are putting yourself down for not quite measuring up to the success you see around you, you better reset your expectations. The social media explosion surrounding us is bombarding us with the idea of a perfect life. In the picturesque world of Instagram and Pinterest, you should not have a dull, predictable life.
You must always dress to kill with stylish accessories and a perfect smile to match. You should face challenges that life throws at you with excellent poise and a filtered profile picture against the backdrop of a gorgeous setting sun.
What is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is a need for a person to appear to be perfect and to attain an exceptional standard in almost everything they strive for in their life.
When used positively, it can motivate you to gain material success. But, if the idea of perfection is unhealthy and obsessive, it can lead to frustration, unhappiness, depression, anxiety, and a horde of mental health issues.
“At its root, perfectionism isn’t really about a deep love of being meticulous. It’s about fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of failure. Fear of success.” ― Michael Law
According to WHO, the current generation suffers from anxiety and depression due to the excessively high standards they hold for themselves and the harsh criticisms they subject themselves to when they fail.
Here are some reasons why perfectionism is holding you back in life.
1) Your fear of missing out-
We all want to have our life all sorted out. Who doesn’t want to have a rock-solid career, with a happy family, great looks, and all the trimmings that a good life can bring? But real life is far from perfect. It is messy and littered with disappointment, frustration, sadness, and broken dreams.
The wide discrepancy between reality and expectation is making us unhappy and dissatisfied with life.
“She wasn’t afraid of difficulties, what frightened her was having to choose one particular path. Choosing a path meant missing out on others. She had a whole life to live and she was always thinking that, in the future, she might regret the choices she made now.”
2) You are part of the rat race –
Earlier different people had different goals. Some wanted to live in front of the camera, while most people wanted a decent life filled with happiness and silent contentment.
With a surge of exposure from social media, now everyone is a star. We can all be glamorous with a click of the mobile and can achieve instant stardom.
In the middle of such unrest, ordinary life takes a back seat. We are all running the rat race of being rich and famous while peace goes out of the window.
3)You fear criticism
Let’s face it.No one likes to be criticized or judged for their decisions in life. While most of us go through life accepting our mistakes and learning from them, a person who has set an impossibly high standard for themselves takes the criticism thrown at them personally.
Perfectionists are susceptible people who don’t like to be judged or criticized. They take the small jibes thrown at them with utter seriousness. In some ways, they remove themselves from the harsh realities of life. Real life can be messy and is far from perfect. It is often a rollercoaster with highs of achievement and lows of soul-crushing defeats. Instead of bouncing back from challenges, a perfectionist goes into despair and fears,” I am not good enough.”
“Do not let arrogance go to your head and despair to your heart; do not let compliments go to your head and criticisms to your heart; do not let success go to your head and failure to your heart.” ― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
4)You are plagued by guilt and shame
A person striving for perfection in life often wants validation from external sources. They are not in tune with their internal programming, and any outside circumstance that triggers their sense of value will cause them to feel guilt or shame.
A perfectionist person often had a childhood where they faced unnecessary shaming and a conditional love on being successful in whatever they did. Failure was just not an option for them.
“We can endure all kinds of pain. It’s shame that eats men whole.” ― Leigh Bardugo, Crooked Kingdom Steps you can take to avoid the illusion of a perfect life:
1) Stay grounded-
Everyone has the right to dream about having a perfect life, but you must not lose touch with reality in the process.
Keep your vision rooted in practicality while having your sights on the horizon. Staying grounded in your expectations about life will help you maintain a calm and relaxed attitude.
2) Develop authentic friendships-
As we navigate through life, we come across many people. Not everyone will understand and support us during challenging times. Nurturing a close friendship circle can keep you emotionally stable and help you live life with a positive attitude.
3) Stop being your worst critic-
We are humans, and we are allowed to make mistakes. Mistakes are essential for our growth and success. When you try something new, chances are you might fail a couple of times before you learn to do it flawlessly. Avoid being over critical of your faults and give yourself love and compassion in times of defeat.
4) Focus on your happiness.-
Everyone has different ideas of success. You must focus on what truly makes you happy and follow that goal relentlessly.
Make your happiness a priority, and you will always follow the path that is authentically yours.
5) Set achievable goals-
We all want to be successful overnight, but it is not realistic. When starting over, if you compare yourself with others who have years of experience under their belt, you are heading for heartbreak and disappointment.
To have a sense of success, set achievable goals.
6) Have patience-
All good things need time to grow. A plant takes many years of care and nourishment before turning into a giant tree, giving the travelers fruits and flowers.
Practice patience while working towards your success.
7) Have compassion for yourself
We are our own worst enemies. We constantly bombard ourselves with negative self-talk, putting ourselves down for every mistake we have ever made.
To have peace of mind, be compassionate to yourself. Give yourself unconditional love and be your cheerleader.
8) Make friends with your failures
Failures are inevitable on the road to success. Make friends with the idea of failure and accept them unconditionally. Failure can teach us things that success will never know.
9) Take criticism productively-
We are too sensitive towards criticisms thrown at us. You must realize people do not care either way. Everyone has their own opinion regarding the right way of doing things. Ultimately, your life and what you think about your situation are the only thing that must matter to you.
Don’t take those little jibes thrown at you seriously and concentrate all your efforts into making a great future for yourself.
We are all in this mess of life, and acknowledging that making mistakes is an inevitable part of being human can help us deal with the challenges life throws at us. Life need not be challenging all the time. Follow your dreams to live your authentic life and nourish yourself with love and kindness.