Four Things You Can Do If You Are Starting to Feel Irrelevant

A common fear many have as we age.

The realization that one day we will be replaced by the younger generation in the workplace and our families can weigh heavy on our minds.

There was a time when our children thought we knew everything. I remember their transition from thinking I knew everything when they were little to me not knowing anything in their teens.

My advice was poo-pooed because I didn’t understand.

The fear of becoming irrelevant can stem from a variety of factors. The changing dynamics within the family, roles, and responsibilities shifts, and our personal insecurities.

This is especially true if you’ve been the matriarch or patriarch in a family or a leader at work or in the community. If you were the person people came to for advice, assistance, or guidance—the person people liked to sit with and discuss ideas, future plans, and current problems.

Feelings of irrelevancy weren’t progressive for me. It was a hard slap in the face when I realized my kids are grown, don’t need me like they used to, and have opinions that don’t always align with mine.

This can catch you by surprise when you feel your purpose slipping away.

Or how about when you retire, and the company you worked for and your colleagues go on fine without you?

We can deny this fear of fading into irrelevancy for a while, but eventually, we must acknowledge the reality of aging. This realization usually occurs when we begin to shed the roles that defined our identity our whole lives.

When we feel relevant, we feel connected. It makes us feel like we make a difference to others. We feel loved and important.

Being a parent, employee, or spouse gives us meaning and purpose.

These roles take commitment, time, and energy. When we’re no longer needed or leave these roles, we may be left with a void that makes us question our significance.

However, it’s essential to remember that the responsibilities and sources of our relevance shift, not our actual worth.

If you are starting to feel like you are becoming irrelevant, there are proactive things you can do to combat these feelings.

1. Focus on Self-Development: Invest time in your personal growth, interests, and hobbies. Not only does this boost your confidence, but it also provides you with new topics to discuss and share with your family and colleagues.
2. Embrace Change: Family dynamics naturally change over time. Instead of fearing these changes, embrace them as opportunities for growth, transformation, and communication.
3. Maintain your Connection: Ask how you can help at family events. Remember holidays, birthdays, and special occasions. Make it a point to reach out to someone in your family daily. Grandchildren, nieces, nephews, cousins. Stay connected and stay relevant.
4. Respect Boundaries: While it’s important to be engaged, it’s also essential to respect the boundaries and autonomy of other family members. Being overly intrusive can lead to tensions.

Marty Nemko, an educator and career adviser specializing in aging, advises that we spend time doing what we believe is the most helpful and important in our lives. But we must let go of the outcome and not care whether we are considered irrelevant. “If someone thinks I am, maybe to them, I am. But if they’re wrong, it’s their loss.” ~ Marty Memko in “Stop Worrying About How Much You Matter.”

I worked in a nursing home in my teens. One of the residents, Louise Ebert, wrote 50 handwritten letters a week to her friends and family. Guess who got the most mail and had the most visitors?

Remembering that family relationships are complex and go through various phases as we age is important. It’s natural to have concerns, but with understanding, patience, and communication, you can maintain a sense of relevance and connection within your family and beyond!

Krista Bennett, writer, photographer, Proprietor of Kinley’s Vintage, homesteader, boy-mom-coffeeholic with an acute affection for cats.