Four Self-Compassion Tips When You Fail and Make Mistakes

You must learn self-compassion, or your mistakes and failures will consume your mind and body.

We’ve all made mistakes before and have failed many times to grow and learn. To say you’ve never made mistakes would mean you are lying to yourself. The question is, how do you bounce back from those mistakes and failures? Whether big or small.

After making a mistake, you beat yourself up and talk negatively to yourself. Things like “Ugh, I’m so stupid,” “That was such a stupid mistake,” and “How did I miss that?”. Then, it lingers throughout the day, and you keep thinking about it like it’s going to change the fact that it happened. Still beating yourself up when no one else is even doing it to you (or at least to your face) and letting it consume you.

If it happens at work, you start thinking they’re going to fire you or something drastic is going to happen. Yeah, there may be other people who think, “Wow that was a dumb mistake” how are you going to control that? You can’t because that’s what the other person is thinking.

You hide behind the mask you put on, making it look like everything is all right, but you’re freaking out on the inside. Your body is tense, your mind is running, and you forget to take deep breaths. You don’t let anyone know what’s happening to you besides maybe your close coworker, a family member, or a friend.

Yes, you made a mistake or failed at something, but you can control how you feel. Sometimes being mean to yourself is easier than learning to be kind to yourself.

You must learn self-compassion because if you don’t give it to yourself in those moments, then who will? Sure, someone can say that it wasn’t that bad or that things happen, but you still know that it’ll eat you up inside and bug you. Only you will know what is going on in your mind of yours. When the meeting or event is over, no one will care about you and all that you will feel are anger, anxiety, embarrassment, guilt, and self-doubt that all come rushing in. The negative self-talk doesn’t help either.

Even though you accept your mistakes and failures, sometimes it still doesn’t make you feel good.

However, there are several ways to reach that self-compassion when you’re in those moments. Here are a few tips to keep in mind.

Check the facts

You can get so consumed in your thoughts and start telling lies to yourself that you begin to spiral down the rabbit hole of despair.

This is a tool I learned through my therapy sessions that I found helpful. It helps you take a step back and requires you to check the facts of the stressor or thoughts you are having about yourself.

You can ask yourself if anyone has said those things to you that you’re thinking about? Most of the time, no one has said anything directly to you, such as “you’re an idiot” or “I don’t know why they even hired you” (if they did, that’s probably not an environment you want to work in).

How would you treat others during moments like this? Most likely, you’d tell them that it’s okay or give them some feedback or help, but you’d most likely take a more compassionate approach. Are the things you’re thinking true, or are you assuming and imagining these hurtful thoughts?

You’ve got to remember to check the facts and don’t allow the lies you’ve told yourself to succeed.

Remind yourself that it’s okay

It’s so easy to dwell on your mistake or failure. Sometimes you can become paralyzed by it, and it can make the rest of your day feel terrible. It’s okay to be bummed and upset about it, but don’t sit on it the entire day.

The truth is you’ve done it so many times in various settings, and you’ve survived through it all. Every day you’re still kicking butt, doing your best, and showing up.

So, when you’re in those moments, remind yourself that it’s okay. That you’re going to be okay.

Learn to say it out loud to yourself or in your head and truly believe it.

Practice until it becomes a habit

It’s funny how you can be kind to others and show compassion to others, but when it comes to yourself, you become your harshest critic. As cliché as it sounds, it’s so true.

Practicing your self-compassion is critical because it takes time and lots of practice until it becomes muscle memory or a habit.

“Practice makes perfect. After a long time of practicing, our work will become natural, skillful, swift, and steady.”

— Bruce Lee

It doesn’t mean that you’re making mistakes all the time, but even the smallest things can help you learn self-compassion. Practice not only at work or when you’re doing work, but practice when you’re at home. For instance, you can practice self-compassion when you can’t get to your dishes after a long day or not do your laundry because your week passed you by.

Remember that it’s okay, and make sure you practice self-compassion every day.

Note down your lessons learned.

Okay, you made a mistake. What can you do better next time rather than focusing on what already happened and beating yourself up about it?

Having worked in project management, there’s always a session (usually set at the closing phase) of a project lifecycle where we do lessons learned. It’s built-in because many things can happen, whether they be known or unknown. If there is a methodology and body of knowledge that most, if not all, companies and organizations are using specifically to capture lessons learned, then clearly, mistakes and failures are normal and okay. All you can do is learn from them. Why give yourself such a hard time?

You can jot down what went well and what didn’t go so well. You can reflect on it and understand what you can do better next time and at the end of it, let it go. *Cue Let It Go from Disney’s Frozen*

Noting your lessons learned will give you something to reference. This is a bonus because you can always use it in your next interview when they ask you about a mistake you made and how you handled it.

Grow from the lessons learned, and don’t let your mistakes and failures trap you.

As previously stated, we all make mistakes and have failed various times. You beat yourself up over the smallest thing and let it take power over you without taking a moment to realize you’re not being kind to yourself.

There are many ways to achieve self-compassion, and these are some of the many tips that you can keep in mind. So don’t forget to:

· Check the facts

· Remind yourself that it’s okay

· Practice until it becomes a habit

· Note down your lessons learned

Remember that you are bold for taking on those challenges that allow you to fail. You deserve that second chance and the ability to learn from your mistakes. If you aren’t your own self-compassionate supporter, then who will be?

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