Four Life Lessons I Learned Growing Up Around Navy SEALs

A few lessons learned from growing up in the frogman community.

I was a junior in high school when dad took command of SEAL Team 6. His office consisted of a fenced-in super-fortress inside of an already-fenced in military base.

I’d sometimes call him for frivolous reasons, interrupting his ongoing pursuit of international criminals, only to ask if he’d seen the TV remote.

When I called, there was always this hardcore, Rambo-sounding dude who would answer, “NON-SECURE SPECIAL WARFARE GROUP.” With ‘non-secure’ meaning, ‘this line is not protected from hacking’.

Me: “Ugh, Hi. May I speak with Captain Kernan?”

Him: “HE’S OUT — WHO IS THIS.”

Me: “It’s Sean…… Kernan. His son.”

Him: “ok…. I’ll let him know you called.”

SEALs are, perhaps, the most selective military group in the world. Classes start with 100+ already capable, intelligent men, and often shrink down to 20-something final graduates. It's like an Ivy League institution for warfare.

I never felt the calling to join the military. I think that gene skipped me. Yet I grew up immersed in that world and it had an indelible impact on my life.

Here are four life lessons I’ve learned.

1. Competency invites the company of excellence.

There’s this unique recognition when two SEALs spot each other in a grocery store or some routine corner of life. They show a rare soft-spot, one of brotherhood. Being in a highly selective, dangerous job creates an iron bond, even with ‘team guys’ they’ve never met before.

This is also true of any profession, and in many ways, that camaraderie is the best part of the achievement.

For example, Bill Gates was one of the very few people Steve Jobs related to. They were:

• The same age
• Had shared histories
• Were similarly brilliant
• Oversaw iconic tech companies

Jobs and Gates did one rare joint-interview in 2007. During the interview, Steve showed an unusually warm affection and respect for Bill. You could tell he valued their friendship:

Famed comedian Louis CK once said, “I never got into standup comedy to be rich or famous. I just wanted to be ‘one of them’ — being a standup was always about being on that Olympus with other comedians.”

This is no different than how normal men became SEALs. For them, it is less about blowing stuff up and more about being ‘amongst them’, those they deeply admired.

You’ll find a consistent pattern of highly successful people treating their destinations as holy. Have an Olympus to aspire to.

2. The world undervalues protecting your reputation

The secretive nature of ‘frogmen’ is very much true. I don’t know much of anything that happened in my old man’s career, nor do most people.

Yet, quite funnily, there are no secrets inside the community:

“Did you hear about what happened with Mike?”

“I heard Steve’s wife fooled around on him and he’s having a hard time.”

I’ve been to a few big cookouts and can confirm — SEALs are total gossip queens.

It isn’t ‘Mean Girls’ style though. It’s just how they keep tabs on everyone. It’s also how they do quality control. Their penchant for gossip isn’t any different than corporate settings.

I’ve found that most people make painfully simple assessments of us:

She’s good. He’s bad. And he got arrested for streaking a few years ago.

They know two to three details at most. The rest of the story and context are all just fluff usually.

So be on point.

• Do quality work.
• Be a team player.
• Don’t be a prick.

And if you have baby-mama drama, don’t say anything to anyone at the office, or the whole building will know by lunch.

Your success and your reputation are natural bedfellows.

3. Brute force is a last resort in life

SEALs don’t aspire to get into hand-to-hand combat, or even to have fair fights. Think about it. If you were in a life-or-death fight with terrorists, why in nine hells would you want a fair fight?

SEALS drop in when their enemy least expects. They have awesome training, night vision, the best guns and armor, stun grenades, invisible targeting lasers that only they can see, and microphones for instant communication.

Even worse (for the enemy), they have every move mapped out. They’ve practiced this mission many times already.

It’s a good analogy for life — not to cheat but to take the path of least resistance towards your goals. This isn’t to be confused with the ‘laziest route’. It’s about creating advantages where you have them.

Stacking the odds in your favor is a product of excellent preparation.

4. Slow is faster

There’s an old adage they use in SEALs called, “Slow is smooth and smooth is fast.”

It’s a philosophy towards training and missions. For example, they try to practice SWAT-style in training buildings. They practice their movements slowly, much as a pianist does with a metronome. It gives them time to think through their steps, moving down corridors, considering their exact responses to the myriad threats they face.

Why? Gunfights are prone to massive adrenaline rushes and confusion. By going slow, and doing reps, they are adding control to their soldiers. Missions become surgically precise. They don’t devolve into run-and-gun chaos.

Their bigger message: urgency doesn’t mean frantic.

Exercise clear, logical assessments of situations. Comb through the details with patience and examine the broader context of a given task. Then, be deliberate and decisive when the time comes.

Otherwise risk spending exponentially more time unwinding a mistake.

Temper urgency with thought and patience.

Conclusion — 4 Things Learned From SEALs Recap

1. Have an Olympus you aspire to. Know that achievement can earn the respect and company of people you admire.
2. Protect your reputation through your actions and your words. Most humans are gossipers. People with great reputations move up.
3. Take the path of least resistance. Don’t turn life into a brawl.
4. Never underestimate the importance of going slow and being thoughtful. “Slow is smooth. Smooth is fast.”