CRIME

Four Life Lessons I Learned by Watching YouTube Interrogations

And one I stumbled across on my own

Lately, I’ve been watching interrogations on YouTube. If you’ve never watched them, you might give it a go. If nothing else, you’ll fare better if you ever find yourself in the hot seat. Of course, that won’t happen to a fine upstanding citizen such as yourself. Keep telling yourself that.

I haven’t made a fortune on Medium, but I’ve learned from every story I’ve written and most things I’ve read.

Likewise, with interrogation videos. Here’s what I’ve learned from binge-watching them for the past couple of years.

Lesson One:

Say nothing. Demand an attorney before you say a word, even if you are innocent, especially if you are innocent. The interrogators can read you like a book. They’ll find the chink in your armor. On a primal level, they’ll offer you food and drink. If you’re lucky, they’ll take off your handcuffs so you can eat like a human being.

Many people in the hot seat feel alone and frightened, even if they give off a false sense of bravado. Interrogators know how to manipulate fear and loneliness by offering friendship and understanding, no matter the crime you allegedly committed.

Your interrogators are not your therapists. They are not acting in your best interest. Like they just got done telling you, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. They are trying to get a confession. If you confess, it will be hard to backtrack later.

Some people succumb and give a false confession to escape from further questions when legally, they could stop the session at any time simply by demanding a lawyer.

Lesson Two:

Things are not always as they seem. Anyone can smile and look pleasant for a photo shoot. We’re a nation of narcissists, and if there’s one thing we know how to do, it’s perform.

You can find families grinning like the von Trapp Family Singers, newly escaped over the Alps. They keep up the facade for years.

Meanwhile, they abuse or even kill one or more of their kids. And sometimes each other. Nobody saw it coming. They looked so happy.

Lesson Three:

I don’t believe in the death penalty but there are people who deserve life in prison.

I’m thinking of anyone who hurts kids. Or animals.

Also, some people concoct elaborate plans to pin the murder on an innocent person, usually someone marginalized by society. It happens more than you might think.

Lesson Four:

We have placed ourselves under 24-hour surveillance with our cell phones.

If you think your cell phone hasn’t tanked your privacy, you’re deluding yourself. Many would-be murderers have texted their secret lovers or partners in crime. Even if they delete it, it’s still on the hard drive.

Murderers still haven’t caught onto the concept of cellphone pings. Your phone acts like a tracking device, providing a record of your whereabouts in relation to cell phone towers. You can’t opt out of this feature. It’s built into the design.

By the time you sit down with your interrogator, they’re already armed with this knowledge. But they’ll get you on record saying you were home sleeping all night so they can show the jury what a lying son of a bitch you are.

They’ll also look at your search engine history. Wife killer Brian Walshe of Massachusetts queried:

“How long before a body starts to smell?”

“10 ways to dispose of a dead body if you really need to”

“How long for someone to be missing to inherit?”

Lesson Five:

Would you know how to recognize a victim of human trafficking or domestic abuse if they asked for help? I did not learn this from interrogation videos. They don’t emphasize this aspect of crime. Maybe they should.

Everyone should recognize the Violence at Home Signal for Help.

So, if you ever find yourself in the hot seat, demand a lawyer. To avoid getting into the hot seat in the first place, generate a healthy skepticism about how people present themselves. Don’t fall for a performance.

If you’re in trouble, know how to signal for help. Know how to recognize the signal.

If you’re a murderer, straighten out the cell phone thing. Not that I want you to get away with anything. I don’t. As a female over 60, I’m likely to be your next victim. I hope, they do catch you. You’ll slip up somehow. Your kind always does.