Four-eyed Fish

Introduction

“I’m the one that’s got to die when it’s time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.” ― Jimi Hendrix, Jimi Hendrix — Axis: Bold as Love

Here is a little diddy about a girl who saw the world in a way that others never could. She was born young. By young, I mean premature by a month. Doctor’s feared she would fade away before birth. However, a twist of fate and she was born on February 25th, 1993. This is me.

Where do I belong?

First and foremost, I am born a Pisces in American Astrology, and a water rooster in the Chinese lunar calendar. You may be wondering...How in the world does this relate to you? My family has an odd sense of looking at astrological signs as a way to determine who you might become. The accuracy of this is at best mediocre.

Pisces: The twelfth sign in the astrological house. A water sign depicting two fish coming together like the picture down below.

Our positive traits are as follows: Empathetic, Artistic, Emotional, Selfless, and Natural Healers. While our negative traits are: Moody, Negative, Lazy, Idealistic, and Escapists.

So far, My astrological sign has my personality down to a perfect A. I don’t use it as an excuse for my mood swings or my behavior but I do look at it as a way to remember what traits are negative for me.

Now on the flip side: A water rooster. What this means is among the hardworking, and observant personality that I have...I am blessed with being Smart, quick-witted, tenderhearted, and compassionate. Elementally, swimming should be where I am most comfortable. Imagine that?

With all of these aspects, it should be easy to figure out where I belong. But I have always been a dark horse in my family. My father’s family never accepted me even before I was born. Legend has it, My Grandmother kicked my mother’s womb several times to try to kill me. (Now, I am older and I certainly don’t doubt the story. ) But my mother’s family couldn’t accept me because of my father’s family. Although, most of my mom’s side of the family like my father for some ungodly reason. I have always been cast aside.

I came up with this post after thinking about how my family treated me. My mother, my brother, and one uncle have always been there for me. Due to this, I wrote this post:

“You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us. And the world will live as one.” ― John Lennon

Four-Eyed fish-the story

She was born an infant with bright skyline eyes that remained such for seven years. They say genetically humans change every seven years. A relative fact for allergies, physicality, and growth. For her, seven was a special year. Or rather the year of unluckiness.

Coincidentally, at age seven her eyes changed color. They changed to a coffee-like brown and at the same time…lost their ability to listen to her. Her eyes became lazy eyes. Doctors presumed it was because of strain and tried to teach them to work again. But after years, and years of new techniques they washed their hands of that theory.

During those years, she was bullied. She got called all sorts of irrational nicknames because of something she could not fix nor change at the time. It’s like her eyes busted and society wasn’t sure how to react to such a strange creature. Thus she being me learned to adapt to getting by on her own with few friends.

In return, I made this post about loneliness and suicide as a way to reach about depression: You can read it if you like.

“You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.” ― Ray Bradbury, Zen in the Art of Writing

How I found my place

This crazy world has thrown me through millions of struggles. I managed to land jobs as an Arcade worker ( which turned me into a safety coordinator) and a Table Games Dealer. But most of all, I realized that my place is not found through my job, love, or the friends that I have.

Rather, I have to look deep inside myself to understand who I am. Knowing who I am is more important than the exterior factors that determine how I react to the world around me.

I’ve been financially poor for eighty percent of my life. My mother being disabled has two children living off of one grand for over 14 years of my life. I hardly ever had a time when I was stable with finances. However, I never ceased to be kind and spread the love when I did start working. I would do pay it forwards, and kindly help families in grocery lines even though I was struggling myself.

My hardships belonged to me. If I could help others through their own struggled I felt like I could walk a little happier everyday. It hurts to see other people suffer. This became my slogan. I will not make another person suffer willingly. I am a writer. I am compassionate. I will spread love, and I will be continuing to grow day by day.

This my other post about problem-solving:

Thank you for meeting me. Please, let me know a little bit about yourself as well?