FASHION/POLITICS
Former “President” Pantsed in Press
Let’s just say he wasn’t looking so fly that day
He’s so fat he has to iron his pants on the driveway.
George Washington allegedly couldn’t tell a lie; the former guy (he doesn’t deserve the honor of capital letters) is adept at spewing spurious claims; he also has a pretty puerile pants problem.
For years, we’ve wondered why this so-called gazillionaire wears such ill-fitting suits. He’s claimed to purchase designer selections to wear to the office; I’m sorry, but he more often than not looks more like a model for the latest in circus clown-wear.
Why do the legs of his trousers bloom so outrageously as they approach his knees, then plummet so precipitously to the floor? Seriously, he very well could be hiding a couple of his tin-pot dictator friends in the space between his knees and his feet. It’s not just me, folks — Publications as slick as Vanity Fair have launched investigations, asking, “What is Going on with Trump’s Pants Legs?”
We just can’t look away.
What about the poochy-poochy area around his bloated belly region? Not to say that I’ve spent a heck of a lot of time staring at 45’s crotch, but something’s going on there, too. High fashion prognosticators — OK, mostly members of the Twiteratti — have speculated this is the reason for tfg’s (No Capital Letters — Please!) popular nickname, “Diaper Don”.
And please, Dear God, don’t tell me a former U.S. president actually showed up for a speech with his pants on backwards, necessitating such gleeful headlines as, “Trump Successfully Wore Pants Correctly at Rally: Report”.
Presidential pull-ups a real possibility.
Not to get into the intimate details, but tfg spoke to North Carolina rethuglicans a few days ago. The harangue was billed as a political speech. He made an endorsement; he re-ran the tired old trump tapes — election stolen, I’ll be back soon, country is going to hell, send me more money! — in a low-energy, highly delusional parody of his KKK rallies of yore.
But all anyone could talk about after the speech was the man’s pants. And lack of a zipper where the guy’s fly should lie.
- “Donald Trump Pants on Ass-Backwards!?! Lookin’ Like A No-Fly Zone”, TMZ trumpeted.
- “Trump Memes, Jokes Flood Internet Amid Speculation He Wore Pants Backwards During NC Speech”, Newsweek nattered.
- “Trump’s Pants Really Did Look Backwards Though”, The Late Late Show host James Corden chuckled.
- “Trump trolled after being accused of wearing his pants ‘backwards’ at North Carolina speech”, Raw Story rapped.
Even if it were a Photoshop prank, dude really got pantsed.
Look, I have no idea if the snap above is Photoshopped (preeminent fact-checker Snopes says “yes”), or if Grandpa Grumpy peed himself and had to do the old switcheroo before speaking to his adoring fans. His knickers are usually so voluminous that the second guess is just as valid — or perhaps even more so — as the first, IMHO.
Either way, Pants-Gate says something about the state of the GQP these days, doesn’t it?
If a politician’s pants end up making more news than his platform, it’s kinda pathetic. Even if the perp in question thinks he’ll be magically reinstated in office come August. Stay tuned, Dear Readers. I imagine we’ll have a followup soon when the press gets to the bottom of what’s up with the bloated — and possibly backwards — bloomers.